We're Not Crazy

Which Ones

"Talk to me, what happened?" Jo said.
He'd sat in front of me on my bed and I did the same. I kept his face in my hands. I needed to keep touching him and he understood that.

Tears formed in my eyes after his question.

"I had a bad dream..."
"What happened, princess?"
"Some man named Jeremiah brought me to a grey or...white...room, I don't remember the color. But he started asking me questions. And he kept ignoring you...he acted like you weren't there..."
The tears started to fall and I touched Josi's features again, from rubbing my thumb on the tip of his nose to his lips and even his eyebrows.
"You were mad that he kept ignoring you and we started yelling at each other because you were being mean and scaring me...Then he-..." I sniffed as more tears piled and fell, "...he said you weren't real...Like you were a hallucination. This entire time I thought I'd been talking to you and you weren't real. I was talking to nothing." I sniffed. "I still can't tell if you're real or not..." I cried more.

"I'm real, beautiful. I promise." he said and wiped my tears with his thumb.
But they always lie...

"Have you been hearin' or seein' anything lately? Anything that wasn't me? You had it a lot at the ward."
"I don't think so..."
"Alright." He kissed my wrist as I held his face.
"I umm...I have a question...and it might sound a bit strange..." I explained.
"Ask." he instructed and I let his face go.
"Do you...Did you grab...a small knife from the gas station?"
"No. But that would've been a smart idea."
His answer made me smile.

____________________________________

It had been an hour and a half since Josiah had to wake me up from my nightmare. I was too afraid to go back to sleep.

"Let's go for a ride." he offered.
"Where?" I asked.
"Anywhere."
"Okay..."

I'd hate to tell him that I still didn't trust him, but that dream was scary. Especially since he's all I have. And all I want to have.

We went outside and hopped into the car. I was shaking as if I was cold. I was still sad that nothing was helping.

When we pulled off, I saw from the corner of my eye that Jo had turned his head to face me.

His hand let go of the knob and he held it out to me.
"Hold my hand." he stated and looked back at the road. I gave him my hand. Without taking his eyes off of the road, he kissed it and rubbed it with his thumb.
"Let's make a stop first." he decided and kept driving.
...

We stopped at a partially lit store.

Josiah got out and walked to the entrance. I waited in the car.

I was in my own head the entire time. I've had hallucinations before, a lot actually. I've had a best friend for three months when I was around 14. I found out she wasn't real because my mama couldn't see her, but if I ever found out that Josiah was fake too...I don't think I'd be able to live with it. My other hallucinations were short. They just stared at me or maybe sing a song or tell me something was out to get me. Sometimes they don't even have faces. Sometimes they just look like shadows. But it wouldn't be the first time I had one last as long as two years. My longest was two and a half. An old friend.

Josiah came back to the car with a small bag in his hand. When he got in, he tossed it to me and I looked at him.

"Well, for one could hallucinations buy things without you bein' there? And two..." he went into the bag and whipped out a small knife then flicked it open.

"Thank you for the idea." he smiled.

He was right, hallucinations can't buy things but what if all of this was in my head...I could be in a padded room. Sitting there by myself and thinking this is real. Therefore, his words provided zero comfort.

____________________________________

We'd been on the road for 50 minutes and were heading back to the motel.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked as he drove into the motel parking lot.
I was honest and shook my head no.
"I don't know how else to prove it to you that I'm real. This ain't your imagination." He parked the car and looked at me.

We got out of the car and headed to the door.

He put the key in. But before he turned it, he seemed like he struck an epiphany.

"Wait...everything you've been through has led up to this. Since the first memory you can think of. There's not a time when you're in a padded room. You've been a kid...then a teenager...then an adult and in that order everything led to right now, right?" he pointed out. He said it weird but I believed I understood what he meant.
"So...this can't be your imagination. Your story lines up too well."

"Wait...I sounded kinda smart just then." he said proudly.

"I guess..." I said reluctantly.
"What's it gonna take to get you to believe me?" he asked.
I looked at him and felt bad that I didn't have an answer.
"You want another kiss?" he offered and smiled.

My eyes widened and I looked down at the ground. It brought up embarrassing memories when I did used to want another one.

"I hate when you do that. Look at me. I don't bite." he stated.

"Well I do, but..." he continued and I looked at him with a confused expression. He never told me he bites people.

"Do you want one or not?" he asked.
"Can we go inside?"
"Answer the question."
"Um...Yes." But not to prove he's real.
"Where do you want it?"
"My lips...again..." I replied shyly.
He smiled just a bit.
"Which ones?" he asked.
I was confused again.

I nervously looked back at the ground before he picked my face up and kissed me. I returned the gesture and felt his hands wrap around my waist. I was picked up and had my legs wrapped around him. I gasped in surprise but he put his lips back on mine.
He opened the door and walked inside. Then closed it behind himself.