We're Not Crazy

Love

I was thrown onto the bed and he bent down over me to kiss me again. I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I just held his face or ran them through his hair. He grabbed onto my thigh, rubbing and squeezing it, and lifted my leg up as the kiss deepened.

"We should stop." Jo said in a low tone but kept placing soft kisses on my lips like he didn't really want to let me go.
"Why?" I asked, kissing him back each time. I didn't want it to stop. I never would've guessed he'd be my first kiss but the fact he was made me so happy.
He stopped and looked at my lips instead of kissing them.
"Because if we don't, you're gonna make me do somethin' I know you'll regret." he answered.
"I haven't regretted anything so far..." I stated.
"Yea, let's keep it that way."
He got off of me and gently let my leg go.

I already missed his lips on mine like I had after the first time we'd kissed.

"Are you sleepin' with me tonight?" he asked and that feeling in my chest hit again.
I decided to ignore it and hope it went away like the last few times.

I looked at him and nodded my answer.

We crawled into the bed and I was scared I was too close so I moved the farthest bit away that I could without falling out of the bed.

"Why are you so far away?" he asked and pulled me closer to him. He took my arm and wrapped it around him while he wrapped his around me and I laid my head on his chest. "When I asked you to sleep with me, this is what I meant." he stated.
Again my chest felt like it was being sucked out of me via vacuum, my blood rushed cold, and my heartbeat was rapid.

I wondered if I'd die in my sleep.

I could hear how relaxed his heartbeat was and the calmness of his breathing. He was at peace and he was comfortable. I wanted to stay like this.

"Josi?" I called even though I knew he was trying to go to sleep.
"Such a stupid name." he mumbled thinking I couldn't hear him. "Hm?" he asked aloud.
"Why did you stop it..."
"What d'you mean?" he questioned through a yawn.
"The kiss...why did you stop kissing me? Did I do it wrong?"
"No, your highness, you didn't do it wrong." he responded with a snicker.
"Then why?" I asked again.
"Because..." he pulled me all the way on top of his body, my legs straddling his sides, and I sat on top of him.

I looked at him, awaiting his answer.

"I don't think you'd be able to handle what I'd wanna do to you if we kept goin'..." he explained and one of his hands held my leg and rubbed it slowly while the other cupped my cheek.

I wondered what he meant.

____________________________________

It was 10:45am. I slept a lot more and much better than usual and so did Josiah. No nightmares.

"How do you feel?" he asked and rubbed my arm as I still laid on top of him.
"I'm okay. How are you?"
"Just fine." he said and I heard him smile so I looked at him.
"Why are you laughing?" 'Had I said something funny?'
"I ain't laughin'!" he chuckled.
"That was a laugh!" I yelled and pointed at his mouth.
He shook his head no and sucked his lips in so I couldn't see them.
"Josiah!" I shouted.
"What?!" And he laughed some more.
I rolled my eyes and got off of him then headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
"Whaaatt?!!" he shouted after me, chuckling.

He walked in after me and I looked down at the sink to not see him.
He prepared his toothbrush and started brushing his teeth too but I was watching the water run.

"Again with the ignorin' me?" he asked and I ignored him some more.

He sighed and turned me around to face him then picked me up and sat me on the bathroom counter.
"Look at me."
I looked at him.
He smiled with his mouth closed, keeping his toothbrush in place.
He grabbed onto his toothbrush and spit in the sink before saying, "You really like to follow directions, don't you? I like that."
I looked away again and he just picked my face back up.
We stared at each other for a few seconds then he crossed his eyes and I tried to hold down my laugh. He looked back at me normally and smiled.

When we finished brushing our teeth and changing, we got into the car because I remembered I needed something from the store and he wanted more snacks.

____________________________________

We got to the store and he gave me a talk before we split up like before.

He held on tightly to my arms and looked me directly into my eyes.

"I'm gonna look for food. You get whatever it is that you need and you come back. This is real. Which means whatever happens to you, is real. And I don't need that. You hear me?" He held me by my face now and I nodded. "Okay. Go ahead." he said and let me go.

I walked to the aisle I needed to and began looking around.

I needed bras, I had only the one I left the ward with and remembered a nurse told me you shouldn't wear the same one multiple times.

Some lady in the same kind of clothing as my old nurse walked into the aisle I was on but she didn't look at me.

'She's wearing scrubs...but that doesn't mean she works at the same hospital, right?' I wondered.

She saw me staring and gave a kind smile.
I looked down at the floor then back up at the bras. I don't think I'm supposed to speak to other people when Josiah isn't here.

But...since she's a nurse...

"Um...Excuse me..." I tried to get her attention.

"Yes? Hi." she responded. This lady was very pretty and she smelled like flowers.
"You're a nurse, right?"
"Yes, I am, how can I help you, my love?"

Oh my goodness, she's so nice.

"Um...I have a question."
"Shoot."

The term made me snicker because my nurse said the same thing when I used to tell her I had a question.

"I have this...um...intense feeling in my chest sometimes...am I dying?"

She looked at me with a confused expression and like she was trying not to laugh.

"I'm sure you aren't dying, but can you explain it any further?" she asked and shifted her weight to the other leg.
"Umm..." I began.
"Like, what triggers this feeling? Running for too long? Is it random? Is it painful?" she asked.
"Well, so far, it's only happened when Josiah asks me to sleep in bed with him or when he's really close. It's not painful...just...sudden."
She looked at me with a slight smile.
"And who's Josiah?"
"He's my best friend." I answered.
"Can you describe him to me?" she asked.

"Um, Yea, he's tall. Like about..." I put my hand a few inches above my head to explain how tall he was. "Right here." I said referring to my hand then put it back down. "He has dark brown hair and its usually pretty messy. But it's kind of cute. He doesn't care much about doing it." I explained. "He has pretty green eyes, they're kind of intense."
"Intense?" she asked.
"Yea, and he..." I thought about him further. "...his smile is so beautiful. His teeth are perfectly straight and white and his lips are all full and soft...he's exactly like a cute boy I read in a book once!"

Just thinking about his smile and laugh made me smile and I realized I probably looked ridiculous to this woman but she'd understand it if she saw it too.

"He's a bit overprotective of me and usually so angry or scared but when he's happy, everything's all warm and pretty. The day is better...When he's happy, I'm happy." I explained.

I knew why he was angry and afraid. It wasn't his fault.

I finally looked back up at the nurse and she was smiling at me.

"What?-"
"Baby, you're not dying..." she stated.
"Oh. Well, that's nice-..."
"And from a mother's perspective, not a nurse's, I think you have a bit of a crush. Or maybe even better. You're in love," she interrupted me and my eyes widened at the idea.

'A crush'.
'In love'.
I'd read multiple books like that and I'd always wanted to experience it. This is what it feels like?

"But I do have to go, my kids are roaming around here somewhere probably destroying the store." She laughed. "It was very nice meeting you, umm..."
"Leyla." I finished for her.
"Leyla. I'm Kacey. I hope the best for you and Josiah. You sound beautiful together," she said with a grin and then left the aisle.

A crush?

I grabbed what I wanted and headed to the checkout line.