We're Not Crazy

3:07

We got back to what Josiah calls Rufus's 'trailer'.
We walked up the steps and Josiah went to open the screen door.

"Oh, you gotta be jokin'." Jo scoffed.
"What?" I wondered.
"The door's locked."
He began beating on it.

The wooden door opened behind the screen.

"Can I help you motherfuckers?" Rufus asked.
"Fuck are you doin'?" Josi asked.
"I told you three hours. It's been three hours and seven minutes."
Josiah groaned with his hands on his hips as he walked in a circle.

"I'm sorry..." I stated.
Rufus looked at me. "For what?"
"I was listening to the lady's story about what made her start their garden even though Josiah said we should hurry up. I'm the reason we're late."

All of this was a lie.
Neither one of them gave me a story on their garden. I would have still probably listened if they had, but they hadn't.
I made it all up just to see if it would work with getting us inside and...

Rufus sighed and unlocked the screen door.
He pushed it open.

"Oh she bats her eyelashes at you and all of a sudden you got a heart'a gold." Josiah stated.
As soon as I walked inside I watched Rufus slam the screen door closed behind me and in front of Josiah.
I snickered as Josiah slung it back open and walked inside, completely unamused.

____________________________________

As Josi took a quick shower, I sat at the kitchen table with Rufus.

"You all right?" he asked me.
I nodded.
"You don't look it. What's goin' on?"
I looked at the table.
"Listen, you just met me and I know you ain't a people person much but...I'm in no place to judge. Whatever you got goin' on, if you wanna talk to me, I'll hear it. I never had my daughter and...I feel like if you ever needed me...this would be the first time I could be a father like I wanted to. That choice was taken from me, I feel like...in a way...even just for a little bit...I'm gettin' it back. That might sound strange, but it's the truth. If you don't wanna talk then that's fine too, I can't force you to do nothin'. I know we just met and all, but...besides Bobby, it's lonely here. If you got anything you wanna say...I'll listen. All ears and no judgement." he stated.
I looked at him.
I watched as he took a banana from his fruit bowl and began peeling it.

"I only eat because I know it makes Josi happy." I said quietly.
He looked at me as he chewed. "And Josi's the big guy, right?"
I nodded.
"Okay. You don't eat 'cause you're hungry?"
I shook my head.
"Do you ever get hungry?"
I nodded.
"And you still won't eat?"
I shook my head.
"Not even 'cause you want to?"
"I never want to."
"You do it because it makes him happy?"
I nodded.
"Well...I guess that's better than not doin' it at all, ain't it?"
I looked back at the table.
"If him bein' happy is your motivation to keep yourself alive then...shit, I'd say it's a good one."
I looked back at him.
"As long as you eat. That's all that matters. If you was doin' it out of spite, that's still good enough for me." he nodded.
I gave a soft smile and nod to show I understood.

"Can I ask you why you don't wanna eat?" he asked.
"I don't like it. And it's scary. And I hate feeling full."
"Somethin' bad happened to you, ain't it?" he asked softly.
I nodded.
"I get ya. Well..." I listened to the deep breath he took and he produced creaks as he leaned back in his chair. "I ain't gonna force you to do nothin' you don't wanna. Ain't my business and I know if somebody did it to me, it'd just make matters worse. I do know that you eatin' does make him real proud. When you do, he can't stop talkin' about it like it's the first real meal of your life. Makes him happy. And I can tell he ain't too happy often."

I felt happy knowing I made Josiah happy. I'd keep trying. I wouldn't get very far in the beginning. I don't expect to eat a full plate of food anytime soon, but it seems like even the smallest bites still make him proud of me. I'd just have to make the effort. So I planned to. I like being the reason he smiles.

My only problem would be the fight over which feeling.
Will wanting to make him happy overpower the sickness I feel when I look at a plate of food?
I wonder if making him proud will be stronger than the sadness and disgust I feel when I bite into something.

Nonetheless, I appreciated Rufus' words. He's a bit weird, a bit of a hoarder, and a bit grumpy, but he's nice when he thinks he needs to be.

"Thank you." I told him.
"Ah, it wasn't much." he said nonchalantly.
It was enough.

I could hear the door open and knew it was Josiah getting out of the shower.

"Goddamnit..." Rufus called and stood up.
Josiah walked through the trailer in a t-shirt and sweatpants he'd gotten from Rufus.

Rufus grabbed a towel from the folded laundry on his couch.

"Bring your ass over here!" he commanded of Josiah.
"What now?!" Josi asked.
He was pulled to a chair and forced to sit down before Rufus took the towel to his head.
"You don't walk around with ya head wet and it's cold in here. Ya catch a cold, you understand me?" he said as he roughly dried Josiah's hair.
"Yea..." Josi answered.
"And water damage fucks up my floor. You clean that up when I'm done."
I watched Josiah roll his eyes.
"Hello?!" Rufus called and looked down at Josi.
"Yea, man. I got it."
"Alright then." Rufus continued.