We're Not Crazy

Scary

The next morning I stared at Rufus as he walked around the trailer getting things done.
Josiah sat next to me eating a bagel that Rufus gave him for breakfast.

Rufus leaned against the counter as he dried off the last dish he'd cleaned.
We made eye contact.

"You alright?" he asked me.
I looked at the floor.

"Alright," he placed the cup down. "There's somethin' about you two that I don't know and if you're gonna stay here you better fess up."
Josiah and I looked at him.
"Come on. Out with it then." he commanded.
"What do you want from us?" Josiah asked.
"You two clearly got some shit goin' on. I wanna know what's up. A part of me wants to know how you got in the trouble you in. What's wrong wit' ya?"
Josiah shrugged. "Don't know."
"Don't give me that bullshit. You know."
They just stared at each other.

"Talk or get out. I don't need to know whatever trauma you went through but I need to know what's wrong wit' ya. If I don't know, I'll do some shit I ain't mean to do or you'll cause some problems I won't know how to solve. And I can tell you two ain't right. So speak up." he explained.

Josiah sighed and rolled his eyes.

"She's a schitzo. And I'm angry and panic a lot." He finished his bagel without looking away from Rufus.
Rufus just darted his eyes back and forth between us.
"Okay..." he nodded. "We wanna talk about why I found a knife in my room last night?"
I looked down at my lap as my eyes began to water.

"She ain't do nothin'." Josiah claimed.
"I ain't say she did." Rufus responded.
I wiped my eyes.
"Just don't worry about it. Lock your door." Josi said.

I looked at Rufus.
He looked at me.

"Sh-...She told me you were bad for us...and...and she told me I had to-..." I tried speaking through running tears.
"Who is she?" Rufus interrupted.
"Her mother." Josiah answered with his eyes on the small tv.

Rufus nodded slowly like he was trying to grasp everything.

"I didn't want to..." I said sadly.

He looked back at me. Like I scare him.

I cried into my hands.

Josiah held me close to him.

"You ain't have to make her feel bad about it." I heard him say.

I could hear a quiet deep breath from afar and footsteps that left the trailer.

"It's alright. You ain't do it and that's what matters. You're okay." Josi told me softly as he kissed my head.

I didn't feel like it was okay. I'd lost Rufus's trust. He's probably terrified of me now. I didn't want him to be scared of me. I didn't want anyone to be scared of me. I felt terrible. I wish the noises would stop and that she'd leave me alone. I didn't want this. I wanted it to go away. She was ruining things.

...

Since I was sad, Josiah convinced me to go outside and play with Bobby so that's what I did.

He mostly just laid in my lap as I pet him and looked into the woods.

I could hear the doors opening and closing then footsteps against the wooden planks as he walked towards me.

He took a seat.

I watched him rest his arms on his knees and take a deep breath.

"Alright," he began. "I'll tell you what, I ain't gonna hold this against you 'cause I know you a lot more scared of it than I am."
I didn't respond. I just felt a wash of sadness.
"How long this been happenin' to you?"
"Since I was seven."
"Damn...well, I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's okay. But I wouldn't hurt you. I wouldn't hurt anyone." That was partially a lie when I remembered the guy whose head I slammed into a gas station counter but he didn't count.
"Yea, you seem like a sweet girl." he stated and watched my hand pet Bobby.
I didn't answer.
"You wanna tell me what ya runnin' from?" he asked.
"Hospital."
"Oh yea?"
"Mhm."
"Okay..." He nodded in understanding. "Can I ask why?"
"They hurt us. And they're annoying. And they don't care about how we feel. They never take what we're feeling into consideration. They pump us with a bunch of medication and expect it to make everything better, but it doesn't. Sometimes it makes it worse. But if you tell them that, they say you don't know what you're talking about. Because you're not a doctor. But it effects me. I know how I feel and it makes me feel bad. But they don't really care, they just make us seem stupid or crazy and Josiah said we're not crazy."
"Nah, you're not crazy. Just got some shit goin' on. I don't know what happened to the both of ya, but I think the way you handlin' it is probably justified. You wouldn't be this way for nothin'."
I smiled at his understanding. It's a rare occurrence.
"Now, that bein' said, I'm still lockin' my door at night." he stated.
That was understandable.
"Okay." I agreed.
He sighed. "But I ain't scared of you." he reassured me. "Shit, I ain't scared of nothin'." he claimed and it made me snicker.

"We should get you two to the store or somethin'." he decided.
I looked at him. "Why?"
"You gonna be livin' here, I gotta get more groceries to feed two and a half people and I can't have ya takin' all my clothes when you shower. That trailer gets cold at night. I need shit to wear too. You two got money?"

We can get money.

"A little." I answered.
"Alright. I'll bring ya later. You get what you need."
"Thank you."
"Yea...it's been a lonely bunch of years here. Really, it's been a lonely twenty four years altogether. I'm probably doin' this more for me than I am for you."
"You haven't always lived here?"
"Nope. Moved around a lot."
Kind of like me and Josi. "Oh...well, either way. Thank you."

He nodded and looked out at the sun shining through the trees.