We're Not Crazy

Eat

After the Ferris wheel ride, we'd started playing a few games.

He stood behind and watched me play another after teaching me how it worked.

I'd scored fifteen points.
The guy behind the counter said I could get one of any of the toys or accessories in the little glass case. I was sad because I wanted one of the giant stuffed animals.

Most of it looked like cheap plastic jewelry or toys like bouncy balls. My eyes caught a plastic spider ring. I didn't want that. They scanned some more and saw a necklace. It looked metal and had two tiny plates on it. It was kind of cool.

"That." I pointed.
"The dog tag necklace?" he asked.
"Yea." I agreed assuming we were talking about the same thing. He opened the case and reached for it.

I was handed the necklace. "Have a nice day." he told me.
"Thank you, you too." I smiled.

I turned to face Josiah.

"What'd you get?" he asked.
"I got you a present." I smiled as I hid it behind my back.
He chuckled. "Alright. What is it?"

I showed him excitedly.

"It's a necklace!" I shouted happily.
He laughed. "Yea, it is."
"You have to wear it!"
"Alright."
He took the jewelry and clasped it behind his neck.

"How do I look?" he asked.
"Very nice." I smiled.
"Come on, we've been here for hours and you haven't eaten today." he said and grabbed onto my hand.
"Josi, I'm not hungry!" I stated as he pulled me through the crowd.
He ignored my statement and kept going.

...

I sat with a corn dog on a plate in front of my face and a drink.

"Leyla, we're not leaving until you eat." he stated.
"I'm not hungry."
"The last time you ate was noon yesterday besides like three chips that I had to almost force feed you."
I looked down at the corn dog.

He knows why I don't eat too much. It makes me sick. When I was younger my mama used to force feed me because she thought I was too skinny. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I was fed until I passed out and was sick or aching. I wasn't even given time to swallow before she'd stuff me with more. She'd take my jaw and help me chew as I just tried to not throw up. A few times she had to restrain me because I fought too hard for her to stop. I'd cry and she'd tell me that maybe if I wasn't the size of a stick bug, she wouldn't have to do this. She was told when she was younger that she was too big and that being big wasn't pretty. But she thought I was pretty and hated that I was small like my father, so she fed and fed me so I could be big and pretty to prove they were wrong. I always thought my mama was pretty, I never understood why anyone would tell her otherwise. But she believed them.
I typically threw up everything she gave me because my stomach would reject it, and when I did I was punished but I couldn't help it. The days where she was gone a long time, I wouldn't eat at all. But I'd cook something to make her believe that I had and let the aroma fill the house or I'd open a few snack cakes to throw the wrappers in the trash but flush them down the toilet. The idea of eating makes me nauseous.
I don't want to anymore.
I wish I didn't have to in order to survive.

I felt my eyes begin to water.

I continued staring at the corn dog and saw my tears drop onto its bread.

"Am I too skinny again?" I cried.
"What?" he asked softly.
"I'm sorry..."
I cried harder as I picked it up by its stick and took a bite.

He hurriedly took it from me and moved from the seat across from me to sit next to me.
I was held in his arms as I cried.

"No, baby. No, you're not too skinny." he kissed my head. "I don't feed you for you to change your body. I feed you so you can be healthy." He kissed my face. "I'm gonna find your body beautiful no matter what size or shape it is, I just want you to be healthy."
I stared at the corn dog as he held and consoled me.
"You gotta eat, princess. I can't have nothin' happenin' to you."

After hearing that, I took it one more time as I sniffed and tried to stop my tears.

I took a second bite.
It made me uneasy but I did it.

"You can eat it as slow as you want to, but you need somethin' in your stomach." he stated and kissed my face again.
I took another bite.

Each bite was small because I didn't like the feeling of my mouth being full. It makes me nauseous and I panic.

____________________________________

We pulled into a gas station on our way back home.

"Do we need cash?" I asked.
"We mainly need gas. But if you want cash then I can get some." he claimed.
"No, I want to do it..."
"You wanna get our money?"
"Yea."
He looked and faced the store.

"Sales clerk is pretty small..." he pointed out. "I'll tell you what. We both go in, but I let you handle the dirty work and if anything goes wrong, then I'll step in. Alright?"
I nodded happily.

We got out and walked towards the door.

When we got inside, Josiah headed towards the snacks and I went to the register.

"Hi, how can I help you?" the man greeted.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked.
"I'm sorry?"
"A secret. Can I tell you a secret?" I repeated.
"Um..."
"Please." I begged and darted my eyes behind me.
He looked and saw Josiah.
"Are you in danger?" he asked.
I nodded.
"You sellin' your body or somethin'?"

'What?'

"Cause if you are. Then I think he's just gettin' his fair share. At least he's gettin' you some snacks." the guy stated.
"Shhh!" I commanded. I used my hand to gesture for him to come closer.
He leaned forward with his ear and I cupped my hand around my mouth like I was about to whisper.

I quickly took that same hand and slammed his head onto the counter. That wasn't enough, he was still conscious, just conscious and in pain.
I did it two more times and he finally stopped fighting. I checked his pulse and he was still alive.

I turned to look for Josiah and he was already standing behind me and looking down at the clerk.

"Well, aren't you a cute little psychopath." he smiled. I looked up at him proudly and he leaned down to press our lips together.