We're Not Crazy

Don't Leave Me

When I woke up this morning, Josiah was gone.
Not just out of the bed, but gone as in out of the room.
I felt a rush of panic and didn't know what to do.
I turned to the window and ran over to it to quickly see if the car was still out there.

It wasn't.

'Where did he go?'
'Did he leave me?'
I put my underwear on and ran to the bathroom. Even though my legs and hips hurt.
When I got in there I had to lean on the counter for balance. Just to not use my legs more than they could bear. I noticed the different markings on my body. I had bite marks, scratches, and these strange circular bruises in different sizes almost everywhere. But the ones on my neck were gone.

I moved one of the cups of my bra and saw more. I looked like I'd been beaten.

I remembered the deep cuts he did on my inner thighs and looked at them in the mirror...

The left thigh read "Jo's".
The right thigh read "toy".

I looked at myself and fell scared after reading his name. It made me remember that he'd left me. My eyes filled with tears and I fell to my knees in the bathroom.
'What do I do?' I wondered.
He's never left me. We'd spent every day together in the past two years. Where he goes, I go...

...What do I do?

I cried harder and backed myself further into the bathroom until I bumped into the tub. I put my face in my hands.
I couldn't breathe.
I was hyperventilating as my tears streamed down my cheeks.
I looked around the bathroom as if I expected to find answers written on the walls. They felt like they were closing in and I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. I could just panic and cry. My heart was racing so quickly it felt like it was beating against my rib cage. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe.
Where is he...?

Suddenly, the sound of a key entering the door. I heard the knob jiggle.
I cried harder to myself as I felt trapped and alone. My hands grabbed at the curtains of the shower.

Then the door opened.

I heard the keys hit the table and the door closed.
"Oh, fuck...LEYLA?!"
I gasped but I still couldn't move. I heard fast footsteps then saw him appear at the doorway.
"Oh, thank god." he sighed.

I sat there and my tears built up and flowed again.

"What happened?!" he asked and he walked over to me. He crouched down.
"I thought you left me..." I cried and sniffed as I told him.
He held my cheeks in his hands while I looked at him. "Baby, no. I went to the store." he explained and showed me the bag in his hand.
"You were asleep and I didn't wanna wake you." he explained.

He wrapped his arms around me while I sat there shaking.

"I'm not gonna leave you." he promised and kissed the top of my head. "Ever..."

He can't leave me...
I need him to not leave me...

He let me go and went through the bag he still held in his hand. He pulled out a medium sized lavender box.
"Take this," he demanded then got up and walked off. After a few seconds he returned and handed me a water bottle. I assumed he'd gotten it off the table.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you're the only baby I can handle," he explained and I took the water bottle.

I took whatever it was that he gave me and drank some of the water.
"What is this?" I wondered.
"It stops you from gettin' pregnant. It's super fuckin' expensive so it better work."
I looked at the packaging, curious to how it worked.
"I came inside remember?"
"Yea..." I don't know what that means. "What does that mean?"
"Cumming inside?"
"Yea."
"It means...that...uhh...the stuff that comes out of my dick when you rub it...went inside of you...? And that can get you pregnant."
"Oh...Your sperm."
"What're you a doctor? Don't be weird."
I looked back at the little box.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"My body is sore and between my legs aches." I said truthfully.
"I'm sorry." He apologized then helped me up. He kissed me softly then held me in his arms.
"No, it's okay. I liked it." I told him.

I liked how it felt but I really liked how much he liked it. I enjoy things that make him happy and I made him feel good yesterday. I wanted to do it again. He should always be happy and feel good.

He chuckled.
"Okay, well, you should lay down." he figured.
"Why?"
"Because you're sore. Why would you stay up while in pain?" he asked.
"I don't know. I don't want to lay down."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"I'm getting tired of your I don't know's." he stated.
"I know."
He glared at me.
"Lay down." he commanded.
"No."
"Leyla."
"Josiah."
"Lay down."
"No."
"I'm losing my patience."
I giggled knowing that he wasn't actually angry.
"Oh, it's funny?" he chuckled.
"A little." I snickered.
"Hm. Okay..." he said and started to walk away. He quickly turned around and picked me up. I was thrown over his shoulder.
A scream then laugh left my throat as my feet dangled.
"PUT ME DOWN!" I laughed.
"I mean, if you say so." he said and threw me onto the bed.

Before I could get up he crawled in too and grabbed onto me. I was held against him.
"Now, you're gonna lay down until your pain goes away. Even if I have to tie you here." he stated.
I sighed. "Fine, but can you at least put something on the tv?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes. "I guess."

"What do you wanna watch?" he asked as he sat up and grabbed the remote.
"I don't know."
"Is there anything you *do* know?"

"A lot of things."

"That was a rhetorical question..." I realized and he nodded his head.
He turned back to face the tv and flipped through channels.

I crawled behind him and draped my arms over him. I stared at the tv while he flipped through.

"God, you're annoying." he stated.
"I'm sorry." I said and started to get off of him.
He pulled my wrist and yanked me back over him without saying a word.

I just smiled and stayed there with my chin on his shoulder.