We're Not Crazy

Go Fish

I watched Rufus teach Josiah how to make the meatballs. He let Josiah sprinkle in the seasonings and then told him to sit at the table to roll them into their rounded shapes as he himself made the sauce and boiled the noodles at the stove.

"You done?" Rufus asked.
"Yea." Josi replied and looked at them.
"Let me see."
Josiah picked up the pan and turned around to show Rufus.

Rufus looked down at the pan.

He squinted then looked back up at Josi.

"What?" Josiah asked.
"Why you make 'em so damn big?"
Josiah shrugged. "I'm hungry."
"You always hungry. If you weren't the height of a mountain I'd think you were goin' through puberty. Or a damn growth spurt. Please don't grow anymore. My ceiling can't handle it."
Josiah looked up and noticed the ceiling was only a few inches above his head.
"I ain't that big. Your house just small."
Rufus shrugged. "That might be true."

He took the pan from Josi and stuck it in the oven.

"How long we gotta wait for that?" Josi asked.
"'Bout twenty minutes." Rufus answered and took a seat.
He laughed at Josiah's dramatic sigh.

I watched Rufus grab a box of cards.

"You ever played cards?"
"No." Josiah replied.
"I used to pass by and see some of the other patients playing them whenever I went to therapy." I stated.
"Alright, let's start with somethin' simple. I'll teach you Go Fish." He took the cards out of the box and I watched him split them in two then flick them in between one another. That was cool and now I wondered how he did it.
He started placing cards in front of me, him, and Josi. Five.

"Alright, this how it go." he began. "You look at the cards in your hands and when it gets to your turn, you ask somebody if they have that same card. If they do, they gotta give it to you. If they don't, then you 'Go Fish' which means you gotta take a card from this deck, here. You understand?"
I thought about it.
"No." Josiah responded truthfully.
Rufus sighed.

"So...I can ask you if you have this J and you'd have to give it to me if you do? But if you don't have the J then I take a card from here?" I asked and pointed at the deck.
"Exactly. This why you my favorite." he claimed and I snickered.
"Alright, whatever, I got it." Josiah stated.
"You sure?"
"Yea. She better at explainin' than you."
"Shut up, asshole."
We both snickered.

"Alright, the card with a J is a Jack, the A is Ace, the Q is queen, and the K is king." he stated.
"How come they have a Jack and a Joker?" I asked and showed him the card that read the word joker with a silly man dancing on the front.
"We don't use that one." he stated and took it from me. He gave me a new card from the deck.

"You got one of these too?" Rufus asked Josiah and held up the Joker.
"No."
"Alright." He put it down. "You ready?"
"Yea." said Josi and I nodded.

"Go first, sweetheart." he told me.

"Oh, um...do you have an 8?" I asked as I looked at my cards.
"I do." he handed it to me.
I smiled as I took it. "What now?" I wondered.
"You get to go again. Hold that card in with the others."
I nodded. "Um...Josi..."
"Yes, baby." Josiah replied.
"Do you have a Queen?"
He handed it to me. I was getting excited.
"You're pretty good at this, kid." Rufus chuckled.
"Do you have a 3?" I asked kindly.
"Ahh, go fish. Remember that means take from the deck."
"Aww." I frowned and took a card from the top.
"Go ahead, Josiah." Rufus instructed.
"You have a...Jack?" Josi asked.

____________________________________

Once the spaghetti was done, we played one more round of Go Fish, (I won twice and Josiah and Rufus both won once) then the men got up to fix their plates.

Rufus scooped a bit of noodles onto a plate with a single meatball and handed it to me while Josi fixed his own plate.

I was given a fork and Rufus sat across from me.

I looked down at the plate as Josi sat next to me.
I saw his plate and the bunch of noodles he'd taken along with three meatballs.

"You eat like a damn bear." Rufus stated.
Josi just looked at him as he stuffed his mouth with spaghetti.

I twisted some of the noodles around my fork and looked at the other two.
I could tell that they were purposely trying to not look at me, which I appreciated because if they did I think it would just stress me out and I'd feel obligated to eat it.

I stared at it a little longer. Very few noodles on my fork but I still contemplated if I really wanted to do it. But I guess I also still had the urge to make them proud of me.
I put it in my mouth.
I just needed to chew.

I took a deep breath as I did.

The two looked at me as they chewed as well.

I smiled with my mouth closed although a part of me wanted to cry.

"I'm proud of you." Josiah said after he sipped his cup of water.
"It may not mean as much as his, but so am I." Rufus added.
I nodded as I looked down at the plate and swallowed.

I reluctantly picked my fork up to do it again.

This time I poked at the meatball.

I held my fork in both hands before bringing it to my mouth and taking a bite out of the meat.
The food was good, I didn't have any complaints. But this was still hard. I felt like throwing up but I couldn't do that. I had to suck it up and eat it. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me or think I was too frail anymore.
I put the fork down as I chewed.
It took a lot of strength to not cry.

I looked under the table as I felt my hand being touched.

Josiah had grabbed and held onto it as he looked down at his plate and ate with the other hand.
I took another bite.