We're Not Crazy

Spaghetti

Rufus made Josiah sit in the truck with the windows down as he and I walked through the store. He was scared Josiah would get kicked out when word got around so he took him out gently before a scene was made.

I'd grabbed everything we'd need since Josiah gave me the money. I got us a few cheap shirts, sweatpants, hygienic items, and I even got Josi's favorite snack since he just had a bad day.

"So you're problem is your mother and his is his father?" Rufus asked as we strolled through another aisle.
"His is both parents."
"Ah."
"His mom was better than his father but..."
"I get it. You both come from some pretty fucked up homes."
I didn't respond.
"I understand. I know I ain't go through nothin' as severe as you two but...I went through somethin', so I got a glimpse."
"What was yours like?" I wondered.
"My dad was a drunk and real abusive. Angry all the time. Used to hit us like it was a sport and he was the champion. My mother was afraid of him but she had too many kids to raise 'em on her own and she ain't work. She was a housewife. Five is a lot for a single mother to handle. I told myself when I had my own kid I'd never ever treat them the way he treated us. I'd be a better dad to my kid than he ever was. But I never got that opportunity. As a matter of fact it was stripped from me."
"My mama used to restrain and force feed me seven to eight full meals a day and beat me if I couldn't finish it or if I threw it up. I'd also never been outside my house until I was 16 because the neighbors found out and called people that found me and took me away from my mama."
He stared at me with wide and concerned eyes.
"Josi's mom was a prostitute and his dad was an abusive pimp and sometimes Josi would still be in the motel when strangers used his mother. And since Josi has been very pretty since he was young, for extra money, his dad would let them touch hi-..."
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" he interrupted.

I thought we were sharing family stories...

He looked around the aisle as if to make sure the coast was clear.

"Fuck, how are you motherfuckers still breathin'?" he asked quietly and continued pushing the cart.
I didn't know how to answer that.
"I gotta admit...hearin' that...the way you are is justified. I'm sorry that happened to you, kiddo."
A lot of people say that.
"You ain't deserve it. Neither one of you."
They never say that.

"I'll tell you what though..." he began and threw a bag of chips and a jar of salsa into the cart. "A lot of motherfuckers would've taken their own life had they lived the ones you two had. Shit is stressful and they don't know how to live on or what to do next. You different but you're not a quitter. You're strong for that. I'm proud'a you."

I stopped walking and stared at him as he looked at more items on the shelves.
I looked down at the floor.
I felt unwanted tears building up and watched them drop to the tiles.
I didn't know why.
He hadn't said anything mean.
I don't think he hurt my feelings.
But it made me cry.

I felt two arms wrap around me as I continued softly crying into his chest.

"Come on, I'm sure he's gettin' lonely in that truck without you there." he said as I wiped my face.

____________________________________

We made it to the truck and while Rufus put everything in the back, my first instinct was to go to Josiah.

He sat to the side in the truck with the door open, his legs bouncing and faced outside as he looked down at his hands in his lap.

I gently held his face in my hands and kissed into his cheek. This was what he did to make me feel better and I felt like returning the favor. When I finished, he gave me one on my lips then got out so I could get in.

Rufus got in next and drove us off.

"What we feel like eatin' tonight?" he asked.
"I haven't had spaghetti in forever." Josiah said.
"Spaghetti?" Rufus questioned.
"Yea, man, spaghetti is good."
"With meatballs or with meat sauce?"
"What's the difference?"
"What's the di-...motherfucker, one is in a ball and one isn't!" Rufus argued and I laughed.
"But either way it's meat and sauce!" Josiah responded.
"That ain't the point. You asked me what the difference was."
"Not the literal difference, old man. I meant it's gonna taste the same."
"No it ain't."
"How ain't it?"
"It just ain't."
"You makin' up shit?" Josiah asked and I laughed.
"No, I ain't makin' up shit! The shit not gonna taste the same!"
"How does shape determine taste?" Jo wondered.
"Shit, I don't know. It just does."
"No, it's the same."
"Well, if that's the case which one would you choose?"
"Either because it's the same."
"Choose one!" Rufus demanded.
"Why?!"
"I'm about to choose to throw you out my damn truck. Meatballs or meat sauce, asshole?"
Josiah laughed. "Meatballs, man."
"Alright then. Runnin' up my damn blood pressure for some meat shapes."
We both laughed.
"You both get on my nerves." Rufus stated.
"What'd I do?!" I asked.
"Nothin' yet, but it's comin'. I know it is, you been quiet for too long."
I laughed some more.

"So we're choosin' spaghetti?" he asked.
"That's what I want." Josiah said.
"You?" Rufus wondered and gently nudged me.
"Yea...I like spaghetti..." I responded.

I felt Josiah grab onto my hand and hold it in his.