Indecisive (Loki Laufeyson x Bucky Barnes x Reader)

CHAPTER 14

*Mature themes and sensitive content*

Y/N's POV:

I stood there, overlooking the city for hours. Watching as the children retreated to their homes for the night and their parents and other adults came out to drink, sing and dance.

The melodic tune of their songs travelling through the air.

I began to hum the chorus to myself as I turned to return inside the palace.

I couldn't help the smile that began to grow on my face as the feeling of happiness filled me.

By the time I reached cold stone halls, all around me was silent.

I could just barely hear the sound of their own music coming from the dining hall.

Everyone had either retired to their rooms for the night or were spending their time with friends and family.

Keeping my head down, I cautiously headed back to my room to rest as well.

I slipped off my shoes before locking my door from behind me.

I pulled back the soft, silk covers and lowered myself onto my cloud-like mattress; as I was pulled into a restless sleep.

-

I hadn't been asleep long. The nightmares preventing me from resting for more than an hour.

It became a normal occurrence for me now. Waking up drenched in sweat, taking a few moments to realize where I am. Telling myself I'm okay and realizing there's no one there to comfort me.

No one to tell me I'm okay. No one to rub my back and nurse me back to sleep. No one to hold me.

That's how it had been for a while, only this time I really felt alone. This time the walls seemed further from me and I was slowly being consumed by the size of the empty room. Shrinking me until it didn't matter how close I bunched myself together, part of me felt alone and afraid.

I wasn't a child anymore, although some days I wished I was. To not have a care in the world.

To walk around as if the joys of my life were everlasting.

I took it for granted.

I would do anything in the world to be able to pull myself out of the hole I was stuck in. Every time I tried to climb my strength gave out just as I would make it to the top.

No root was strong enough to support my weight. I no longer had someone to throw me down a rope and pull me up; as each passing day convinced me that I didn't deserve to get out.

I tried to tell myself It was easy but could never find a reason that made it worth it.

After a while of being lost in my thoughts, I threw off the covers and hauled myself out of bed.

I could still hear the sound of the music playing from my window as I grabbed a cloak from my closet.

Its thick, dark fabric covered me completely making me unrecognizable with the hood over my head. I grabbed my sheath from the nightstand and took the dagger I had placed under my pillow and placing it inside.

Fastening the sheath against my upper thigh, I made my way for the door.

I slipped out of my room and into the dark hallways keeping myself to the shadows that hid its corners.

Making sure no one had seen me as I crossed halls towards the stairs, I made my way down towards the front steps.

Once at the front doors of the palace, I carefully pushed them open cautious to not make a sound.