Indecisive (Loki Laufeyson x Bucky Barnes x Reader)

CHAPTER 18

Y/N's POV:

Everyone is still in mourning (myself included), so I took it upon myself to head out to the mountains, far from the city to explore and... think.

Get out of my own space for a few days.

I heard of small villages scattered in and around the forests, so finding a place to stay for a few nights shouldn't be hard.

I didn't want to bother anyone either, they needed their space as much as I did if not more, so I only bothered telling Sif I would be out for a few days if she needed anything.

I woke up early, grabbed a few things and packed them into a small travel bag along with a few toiletries and coins for the trip.

I dressed and tidied my room and left.

I would be lying if I said the words that Loki spoke to me last night didn't hurt a little. It's more of a realization than self pity. I tossed and turned last night wondering and replaying the events that occurred. Nightmares didn't chase me from my
sleep— they didn't have time.

Trying to take it apart and put it back together in a way to see if anything I could have done would have stopped it. And just because i'm being honest, I feel like I could've and I would've lived with having the Queen hate me, despise me or even exile me if only to not feel the shame I feel now.

I know what it's like.

The feeling of drowning, feeling like the surface is so close but I can never reach it.

I grabbed my bag off my bed and swung it around the cloak upon my shoulders. Sheathed my daggers at my sides and pulled my boots on.

I slipped out of the room and began walking through the empty hallways. The palace was a graveyard.

Silent.

Any servants or maids that had been walking around were no where to be seen.

Wandering through the corridors, I came across the same tapestry that hid away the Queens garden balcony.

I hesitated before entering. Standing on the spot wondering if I was truly welcome back there, if she too felt as though I could have stopped her death in one way or another.

I placed my hand against the end of the tapestry, the thread smooth against my fingertips. I peeled it back and began slowly making my way through the tunnel and into garden.

The tree stood tall in the centre garden, the bench in front of it. I took small steps forward, breathing in the early morning air.

A small breeze brushed the flyaways from my tied back hair across my face, tickling the skin. I was about to sit down when I heard footsteps coming from the way I came in.

I quickly turned around and hid beside one of the hedges leading towards the entrance. I held my breath as I pressed myself as far back as I could, my heartbeat pulsing in my ears. The footsteps stopped at what seemed to be the edge of the entrance before they continued down the pathway.

I didn't have a chance to look at who it was before I slipped through the hedge, and back into the tunnel careful not to make a sound. I was almost through the passage when a hand snaked around my wrist, and dragged me backwards, pushing my body against the wall.

"What are you doing here?" he said as his breath fanned against the sides of my face. My heart began beating rapidly in my chest as his golden scent struck my senses.

"I was just leaving." I began as I moved to turn away. His body pressed further into mine as one hand kept my wrist steady at my side while the other palm laid flat against the stone by my face. We were only inches apart now.