The October Amaryllis

Chapter 79 - March 16th, 2018 - 3:12 P.M.

My mother used to say that just when you thought the world's surprises were over, they'd pop back up again. Hearing that Malcolm was gay was a surprise I had never expected. It's crazy how you can know someone for years and still know so little about them...

"Oh, Malcolm, why didn't you tell me?" I asked, hugging him tightly. In all the time I knew him, he had never even given hints that he could be gay.

"I was scared to because I didn't know how you'd react. My parents, for one thing, did not react well; they were beyond upset, actually. See, they don't understand what I'm going through, and neither can you," he said, sighing and sitting down on his bed.

"You're right that I can't fully understand what you're going through, but that doesn't mean that I can't try. Come on, let's take a walk and talk through all of this."

"Okay," he replied with no emotion. I knew at that moment that I had to cheer him up somehow; I wouldn't ever leave my best friend behind like that.

Malcolm put on a gray and yellow jacket from his closet, and together we went to take a walk. I had many questions for him, and not knowing the answers was eating me alive. I'm honestly surprised my curiosity hasn't resulted in my death yet.

"So, how long have you known?" I asked curiously as we walked down his street. It had been so long since I'd taken a walk with Malcolm, and yet it didn't feel strange at all.

"A couple of months now, I had a crush on this one boy, and thought of telling him, but was too afraid to, so I never did. That's the thing, you never know how people will react to that sort of thing which makes it scary for me," he said, shaking his head.

"If you don't tell people, then you'll have to live with the burden of keeping it all to yourself," I replied, trying to motivate him.

"But what if they react badly and call me that word?"

"There will always be people who won't be understanding, but I like to believe that this world is a mostly good place."

"The people at our school are so immature, I don't see how they could take it seriously," he replied with a frown.

"There's always someone who's mature; I know it all sounds crazy right now but trust me, there is a way out of all of this."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay. You want to go to the park? We can go on the seesaw and act like we're kids again," he asked with a small smile. This was the Malcolm I knew and loved, the cheery kid who couldn't take anything seriously.

"Sure, let's go," I said cheerfully as we went toward Willis Park. The park was named after Carmen Willis, one of the people who helped finance the Space Needle. I admit I did not know who she was until I went to the park. What's crazy is that her granddaughter went to my high school. Her name was Maria, and she was kind of a drama nerd. The thing she talked the most about was the musical Hamilton; it nearly drove me mad hearing her talk about it fifteen hours a day. Personally, I love the first act of it but hate the second where Hamilton talks about how much his life sucks. He's also not the best role model; I know that's hypocritical coming from me.

"I missed seeing you so much. How have you been doing yourself?" he asked with a genuine smile?

Oh, boy...

"I've been going through a lot of things; I mean, my dad is working on his stupid robot and basically ignoring everyone and everything," I said with a heavy sigh. It hurt knowing that there was nothing I could do to make my father listen. He'd have to find it out on his own in the future, the hard way.

"A robot...? You mean like he's inventing one?" he asked excitedly.

"Yup, but there's one problem. His boss is going to screw him over in the future; I just know it."

"How do you know?" he asked curiously.

"Sometimes, with certain things, you just know that they'll happen. It's like a sixth sense that we have as humans."

"Fair point. Hey, we're here," he said, halting. It had been so long since I'd been to Willis Park, seeing it again sent a wave of nostalgia through me. I remember as a kid learning to swing on the monkey bars and failing for the longest time until one day, I somehow did it. It was one of the happiest days of my childhood and a time that I can't ever get back; well... that's not technically true.

We got on the seesaw, and right as we did, I swear my childhood flashed by my eyes; I witnessed myself riding the seesaw with the kids at the playground. The moment only lasted around three seconds, but it hit like a train, knowing how much time had passed since then. Call me crazy, but I honestly feel so old at times; it's like I'm not even eighteen, and yet I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime. I grew up far too quickly, to be honest with you.

"Hey, do you remember that one birthday party back in 2015?" Malcolm asked, swinging on the seesaw.

"Sure, what about it?"

"That was one of the happiest memories of my life; it was like I was part of your family," he replied with a smile as wide as the sun.

"My family argued like mad, remember?" I said with a frown, reminding him. As soon as I spoke those words, the amaryllis flashed through my head and punched me in the stomach with the ferocity of a lion.

"Every family argues; arguments make us love each other more."

"Good point. I wish I could live in this moment forever; this is one of the happiest memories of my life right now," I replied emotionally. Despite breaking my promise, I had never felt so good before that moment.

"If you could, you wouldn't value it," he reminded me. I hadn't even considered how numbed I'd be by constantly reliving the same moment over and over.

"I hadn't even thought of that. So serious question, have you ever thought of running away? It could just be you and I together until the end," I said, regretting my words instantly. I swear to you that for a split second, my entire personality changed into one that is reckless, well... more reckless.

"Let's do it," he said, getting up off the seesaw.

Too late now...