The October Amaryllis

Chapter 103 - May 19th, 2020 - 8:03 A.M.

I finally regained a piece of my sanity on the 19th. Still, I was nowhere near recovered. I realized this when perhaps the most bizarre occurrence of my life happened; I stood up from my bed and felt as if my body was being pulled apart in two opposite directions. This uncomfortable sensation was followed by something even stranger; I saw a copy of myself materialize in front of me. It was as if my spirit had left my body, and I could see it in a physical form. Seeing a replica of me creeped me out.

When I tried moving, the copy moved instead of the real me. This meant that I was stuck for the time being. Things became even more insane after I realized I could break the laws of physics with my replica. I passed through the nearest wall noclip style and found myself in my room. As if that wasn't strange enough, there was also a television in it now. Next to the TV was a DVD of some sort. I walked up close to inspect it and saw that it was the 1999 movie American Beauty, an absolute masterpiece. I'll admit that it's quite awkward to watch after what happened with Kevin Spacey...

Anyways, I put the disk in the player and watched about fifteen minutes of the film before my surroundings changed again. Man, I feel just like Lester Burnham sometimes... Except you know, I'm not forty-two and date people that are actually my age.

My next experience was the day my father showed me WarGames when I was around eleven; he told me that the film was one of the best critiques on the Cold War that he's ever seen. I'm still in absolute awe of the ending to this day; the quote "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play" gives me chills every time.

I scooted over to where he sat and hugged him as tightly as I possibly could. What was crazy is that despite my father being one massive hallucination, I could feel the warmth of his skin as if he was a living and breathing being. This made it even more painful, knowing that this illusion would not last forever.

"Do you believe in God?" I asked him curiously. I asked him because I knew that he would be dead in less than five years. I almost told him about how he would die from cancer, but I couldn't find the strength to do so.

"Why do you ask?" he asked with a surprised look on his face.

You'll know one day.

"It's just I've always wondered what happens after death and all; they say God is supposed to save you and let you see your dead family. It's scary to think about there being nothing after you die, you know?" I awkwardly replied. I did a terrible job explaining why I was so interested in whether he believed in God.

"I have a vague belief in Him, but mostly, I see religion as a system to control people. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to practice their religion, but when you have the Westboro Baptist Church doing what they do, it becomes clear that religion can blind people and turn them towards hatred."

"The worst part is the people who do terrible things often think that they're making the world a better place," I replied with a sigh. Timothy McVeigh certainly thought he was doing something great; I'm still shocked at the amount of damage he caused on April 19th, 1995. I mean, yeah, the Waco siege and Ruby Ridge were both massively mishandled, but killing 168 people doesn't exactly make you better than the government. I'm still haunted by that one photo of the firefighter holding an infant who was caught in the blast.

My father was about to respond to me when his voice got all deep and distorted, and it was around this same time that my background started fading away again.

I found myself back in the psychiatric hospital, and for once, I could move my actual body. Joy flooded all over me, and I nearly broke into a dance from how happy I felt.

That was when they called us down for breakfast.

Oh, boy, I already know how this will go...