Under the Night Sky

Chapter 27

"Hey, Mer," Izzie threw casually entering the kitchen.

"Izzie." Even though she didn't turn around to look at her friend, Meredith could feel the force of her regard on the back of her head. She chose to ignore it as she knew Izzie was about to initiate a possibly awkward conversation. Izzie's surreptitious glances were telling her so. If only the coffeemaker would hurry up.

"So, how ya doing?" Izzie asked off-hand.

"Good," Meredith replied dryly. "You?"

"Great, thanks," she smiled. "And Derek?"

"Why don't you ask him?" shrugged off Meredith. "Aren't we all working together any longer?"

"Oh, I asked him. He said he was good."

"There you go," Meredith gave her a little smile and watched with impatience the coffee trickling into her cup.

"Except he's not good," insisted Izzie. "Not even close."

"Derek is fine, why wouldn't he be?" Meredith snorted trying to quiet a little guilty voice in her head. "And why do you even care?"

"He is my friend, Meredith! That's why I care. He's not been himself for the last couple of days, you can't deny that," Izzie folded her arms over her chest. "He used to be all smiles but for the last couple of days, he's just been- sad. He's resigned, he doesn't joke as often. He looks- depressed."

"And you think you have to take it up with me because?" Meredith snapped at her involuntarily. She knew well enough she was the cause for his sullen mood, the unfavorable change in him, and she didn't like it. She felt as if she was ruining him. But she was helpless in the face of it. She couldn't help him- and they had an agreement.

"God, Meredith, you're his- fine, not girlfriend, you're his friend. The best he has in here. Aren't you going to do something? What happened to him?"

"I- I can't do anything for him, Iz," Meredith shook her head tiredly. "I can't give him what he wants from me."

"What does he-" Izzie trailed off, her eyes wide. "He- Oh! He wants a relationship with you!"

"Yes- sorta- I think-" Meredith said confusedly.

"That's- that's great, Mer!"

"No, no, it isn't," Meredith let out a bitter laugh.

"And why not?" inquired Izzie. "He's a good guy, Meredith, the best there is!"

"It's not- I'm not in for a relationship, I never was. I could never reciprocate his feelings."

"Are you sure, Mer?" Izzie asked gently. "You were trying to get somewhere with Jackson for ages with no result. And when Derek showed up- it just clicked!"

"That's- that's chemistry, sexual pull, attraction. That's all."

"Are you sure it's not just your inhibitions? You can miss something great here-"

"I'm sure, Iz," she insisted.

"Hey."

Meredith almost jumped when Derek entered the kitchen. She hoped he didn't hear a word of the conversation. He could feel even worse catching her discussing their non-relationship with a third party when she was reluctant to do so with him.

"Hey, Derek," Izzie greeted him perkily. "Are you going to Vegas with Mer to sign the contract with that new supplier?"

"I- no," he replied, opening the fridge for a bottle of cold mineral water. "Someone needs to stay at the practice."