Under the Night Sky

Chapter 47

"So, six months..." Cristina trailed off pensively.

"Yeah, six months," Meredith nodded next to her, her eyes fixed on the simple gravestone they were facing.

"Time flies," sighed Cristina.

"I woke up this morning and I almost couldn't believe William had been gone for half a year."

"A lot has changed."

"It has..."

"Listen..." Cristina threw her friend a furtive look and gently squeezed her elbow. "You gonna come to the inn later?"

"Cristina, not you too." Meredith turned to her pleadingly. "I am really patient with all the looks and innocent questions, and I am even prepared it's gonna double in intensity today, but I'll manage. Just, please, don't you treat me like I'm suicidal as well."

"Then stop looking like that," shrugged Cristina. "You haven't laughed or smiled since McDreamy's gone."

"I have!"gasped Meredith.

"The only times probably being while you're on the phone with him," pointed out Cristina. "I've been watching you for weeks now, saying nothing because that's what you wanted. But enough is enough. I get that you miss him, that it's hard for you. But you can't live a half life like that. It's not gonna work for long."

"I am fine!" Meredith rolled her eyes. "And I'd like to be left alone with William now, please."

"Fine," Cristina acquiesced tiredly and started to make her way back onto the main alleyway of the cemetery.

"Cristina?" Meredith called after her. "Thank you for coming..."

The innkeeper nodded knowingly and proceeded on her way. Meredith, on the other hand, continued to stand in front of William's grave, her arms around her shoulders to keep herself warm in the morning chill.

"I haven't come to see you recently," Meredith told the simple tombstone. "I'm sorry. It's just... I've been all over the place, my mind has been... It's just sometimes..." she shrugged and paced a little. "I finally came to give you a report. About your grand plan. So, it backfired a little. It certainly backfired on me... You got your Shepherd here alright. And he loved it here, I mean, eventually. Because he was a total prick at the beginning. Yeah, the beginnings weren't easy you see... But, he liked it here, and he liked me... I liked him too, you see, a little too much, I think sometimes. So it was me, really, who ruined your plan. Because I told him to get the hell out of here. Okay well, I didn't use these exact words, but you get me right? I wanted to... I no longer know what I want and how to get it... You're probably angry now," she cracked a tiny smile. "I'll come back later, when you stop shouting, you know."

She readjusted the flowers she and Cristina brought this morning and began her unhurried retreat among dozens of graves belonging to Derek's ancestors. Before she stepped onto the main pathway, her eyes fell on an old tombstone, the one bearing the names of Eloise, a teenage girl, and Lucas Shepherd, her equally young husband who perished during the Civil War.

"Hello, Eloise," Meredith said halting in her tracks. "I know we've never talked... I've heard a lot about you though. You must have heard a lot about me too, from William. Probably some good stuff. But somehow I doubt you'd like me very much now," she sighed sitting down on a small stone bench, which seemed to be as old as the grave itself. "You'd yell at me for sure. Because you see, I'm a terrible coward. I am a huge coward and I'm not half a woman you were. If your husband was alive, you wouldn't hesitate a second. You'd set off to wherever he was. Even if it was the other end of the world. You wouldn't care about your own comfort, you wouldn't care about anything but him, to get to the man you loved more than your life.