Color blind // Thiam

Chapter 05

6 hours to go. 6 more hours and then all the questions that have been bothering me, will be answered. I'll either be able to wake up and see color, or I'll continue to see the world in black and white.

I almost hope I don't wake up tomorrow. Not in a sad, 'I don't want to live' kind of a way. More of a, 'I'm terrified to find out Hayden isn't my soulmate, and I can't continue to see black and white everyday' kind of way.

I lay there in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to my clock as the second tick by. I debate on whether I just stay up until 12, but I decided against it as I have school tomorrow and I have lacrosse practice. Time will also go by faster if I sleep... but I can't get to sleep.

I've been trying for the past hour, but nothing seems to work. I tried meditating, that didn't work. I couldn't quite get my body to relax, making it hard to meditate.

I also tried to listen to music and calming sounds, but I haven't been able to shut off my mind. Nothing seems to be able to drown out the thoughts that my mind seems to be drowning in.

It's like whenever I get rid of one thought, another wave of thoughts come rushing in, drowning my mind, leading me to overthink. It's exhausting and I don't know how to shut it off.

I get out of bed and pace around my room, running my hands through my hair angrily. I dig my nails into the palm of my hand, my jaw clenched tightly.

I look out the window, watching as the clouds clear a path to the moon. It isn't a full moon until next week, but I can still feel it. My IED causes me to feel the power of the full moon sooner and a lot stronger than any other werewolf.

I get very short tempered normally a week before it and I get a lot stronger. My anger issues play up and I'm basically the biggest asshole to be around. Scott and I worked on it at the beginning, and it worked, but then things happened.

Scott got busy with other things and I got distracted with other things. We worked on my control a little bit, enough for me to not wolf out during full moons, but not enough for me to be able to fully control it.

I still have moments where I lash out and lose control. That normally doesn't happen until the night of the full moon, but it doesn't rule out the possibility of it happening the week before a full moon.

I bring all my attention towards my breathing when I notice my breaths were turning into low growls. I turn towards my mirror, looking at my yellow piercing eyes. I stand there, breathing heavily as I look at myself in the mirror.

"Liam," I hear a soft voice at the door.

I jump slightly, as the doorknob begins to turn. I turn back to the mirror, relieved to see my blue eyes staring back at me.

"Liam, what are you doing?" My mum asks me, walking over to me.

"I can't sleep," I tell her.

She sighs, guiding me to my bed. She sits on the edge, placing her hand on my knee as we sit there in silence. She looks outside, staring at the moon behind the clouds.

"Did you know when it's a full moon, it's harder for people to fall asleep. I don't know how true that is, but I read it somewhere." My mum tells me, admiring the moons beauty. "But it isn't a full moon tonight, so what's going on up there?"

"I guess I'm just nervous about tomorrow. It's a pretty big deal and I guess I didn't realise until now how I scared I am. What happens if I wake up tomorrow and I can't see color? What will I tell Hayden? How am I supposed to break it to her, Mum?" I look to my mum, desperate for answers.

"Baby," she whispers, looking into my eyes. "I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. If you wake up tomorrow and you can't see color, that's fine. It will hurt, and it might hurt for a long time, but you will heal with time. As for seeing color, you still have a whole lifetime ahead for you to find your soulmate, and I promise you will find them. As for telling Hayden, you just need to be honest with her. She'll understand and if there's anything I know for sure, I can guarantee you she will be there with you every step of the way. Hayden loves you and she knows you can't control the universe. She won't abandon you through this. You guys rely on one another."

I wipe a tear as it falls from my eye. I lean onto my mums' shoulder, embracing her in a hug. She hugs me back, kissing the top of my head as we sit there, wrapped in each other's arms. After what felt like a good five minutes, I sit back up straight, smiling at my mum as she stands up.

"Try not to lose too much sleep over this," she tells me, kissing my forehead. "Night, love you."

"Love you too," I tell her.

I get back into bed. Checking the time; 5 more hours. I take a shaky breath out, trying to clear my mind of all the thoughts.

I think about everything my mum just told me, and how I completely agree with her. I know Hayden won't leave me during this, but that doesn't make telling her any easier. What happens if we're one of those rare cases where I'm Hayden's soulmate, but she isn't mine or vice versa.

I turn onto my stomach, scrunching my pillow up before slamming my face into it and yelling into it. I yell until I can no longer yell.

I turn back onto my side, a sudden wave of tiredness washing over me. I stare at the ceiling before staring at my eyelids, my eyes too heavy to open.

I can feel the black abyss coming on. Before I know it, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

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I wake up to my phone ringing. I frantically tap my bedside table, reaching out for it. I grab ahold of it, opening my eyes slightly to see Stiles' name displayed on the screen.

"Hello?" I croak out, turning on my bedside light.

I roll my eyes, wondering how much sleep I managed to get. I feel as though I only got about five minutes, so I'm not at all surprised that I can still only see black and white.

"I really need your help. Scott doesn't believe me about the whole Theo situation, and I don't want to bother him with this stuff, because I know he won't want to help me out," he speaks quickly, making it hard for me to keep up with him.

"What can I do?" I ask him, confused why he's calling me.

"I need you to do that wolf thing where you pick up on other people's emotions. I've followed him out to the woods, but I lost him, so I also need you to track him." He tells me.

"Where are you exactly?" I ask him, getting out of bed.

I rub my eyes, stretching as I grab a hoodie and sneak out of my room.

"I'm at the North entrance, five minutes down the road," he tells me.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes," I tell him, annoyed.

I go to hang up, but Stiles quickly interrupts before I can do so.

"Also, happy birthday."

He's the one to hang up.

I stand there, unable to move or think. I feel as though I'm in a paralytical state, every muscle tense and stiff. My breath catches in my throat, causing me to slap my hand to my mouth, not wanting to wake my parents.

Normally when someone says happy birthday, you normally smile and thank them. You normally get this happy feeling, knowing today is your day. I know I'm always happy on my birthday. After all, it's meant to be a celebration.

Only, I don't smile, and I don't feel any sense of happiness. Instead, I feel my heart sink and my chest tighten. I click my phone to display the time; 12:47am. My eyes tear up slightly as I stare at the date and time. It's my birthday, I am officially 16.

And I still see the world in black and white.