Color blind // Thiam

Chapter 11

Theo sits across from me, talking to Scott about what we found out in the woods and how we don't think Tracey is the only one we need to worry about. I sit there, watching him, waiting for him to notice me. He doesn't.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I take it out, looking down at the message from Hayden. I ignore it, going back to looking at Theo. I don't know what it is about him, whether it's just because he's my soulmate or if it's something else, but I can't seem to stop staring at him.

"Hey guys," Stiles basically jumps out of his seat when he hears Melissa's voice.

"How is she?" He asks, his hands shaking slightly.

"She's going to be okay." I hear everyone sigh with relief.

"Can we see her?" Stiles asks, his voice breaking slightly.

Although Stiles and Lydia weren't soulmates, there was also a strong connection between them. Ever since third grade, Stiles had the biggest crush on Lydia and even though he's with Malia, I don't think he ever fully got over Lydia.

"She's asleep now, but you can see her in the morning," Melissa tells him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "You should go home and get some rest."

"Thanks mom," Scott whispers, pulling her into a hug.

Melissa looks at all of us, giving us all a smile before walking off. I turn to face Scott, waiting to see what we were going to do next.

"We're not going, home, are we?" I ask him.

"We're not going home." He says, looking at Stiles. "You on the other hand. You need to get some sleep. You have school tomorrow."

"You've got to be kidding me," I dig my nails into my hand, trying to control my anger. "You can't be serious, Scott. You also have school tomorrow."

He gives me a pitiful look, soften his gaze as he stares into my eyes. I feel my claws begin to form, blood now forming in my hand. I loosen my grip slightly, avoiding the blood from spilling from my hand.

"Liam, we've been doing this for a lot longer than you have. I know you just want to help, but by going to school and acting like a normal teenager... that's helping us more than you know." Scott tells me.

I clench my jaw, focusing on my breathing as Scott begin to lecture me. If that's how he truly feels, he should have thought about that before including me into his pack.

"I'll take him home," Theo steps in, looking down at my hands.

"Thanks," Scott whispers, giving me one last pitiful look.

Theo grabs my arm, dragging me out of the hospital. I push him off me, jumping in his car. I look down at my hands, staring at the red liquid as he ran down my hands.

"Here," he hands me a cloth. "Don't want you bleeding everywhere."

I take it off him, thanking him as I wipe off my hands. I stare out of the window, closing my eyes as I try to remain calm. I count slowly, trying to work on some of the technique my therapist gave me a few years ago.

Ever since I became a werewolf though, all those technique don't seem to work. With all the extra anger and the main focus being on staying in control... they don't seem to work like they used to. Not that they ever really worked. 

"What was that back there?" Theo asks me, breaking me from my concentration.

"Nothing," I bluntly tell him.

"You know Liam," he speaks calmly. "I'm not Scott, you can tell me things. I hope you know that."

"Thanks," I tell him, leaving the conversation at that.

We continue to drive in silence. I shift slightly in the seat, finally calm again. I turn to Theo, smiling slightly as I admire him once more. I feel a sudden wave of guilt as I think of Hayden, who's still my girlfriend even though we're not soulmates. She also doesn't know about that.

It's her birthday in 2 months. So, I have 2 months to tell her before she finds out. I also don't know how I'm going to do that, especially since I've already told her we are. I don't think I'm able to tell her. I can't break her heart.

Not like that.

"IED," I break the silence, taking my eyes off Theo.

"What?" He asks me, confused.

"IED. That's what happened back there," I tell him. "It's an anger issues disorder. I've struggled with it my whole life and after becoming a werewolf, it became a lot harder to deal with. I get anger easier and I get angrier than most people."

He slows down slightly, taking his eyes off the road to look at me.

"Thank you for telling me," he says.

I nod, unsure what to say back to that. A lot of people have different reactions when I tell them, but not a lot of people accept me for who I am. I've come to terms with that and I don't blame them.

I'm basically a 'walking bomb', as most people refer to. I can explode at any moment, over anything whether it's big or small. People always seem to walk on eggshells around me when I tell them.

I can still remember when I got my diagnosis and the way my parents reacted. For the first month, everything had changed. My mom would do anything I asked, whether it was a day off school or breakfast for dinner.  She would always ask me what I wanted and no matter what I replied with, she agreed.

She was afraid of me, even if she denies it. She would never do anything to upset me and even if I deserved it, she never raised her voice around me. My stepdad however, he knew how to handle it better.

He would still raise his voice and he wouldn't give me everything I wanted, even if I did get mad. He actually helped me a lot through it all. He's the only reason I got into lacrosse and honestly, it helped me a lot.

I didn't feel like a freak or a walking bomb around him. I felt normal and I appreciate that every day.

"Here we are," Theo says, pulling up to my house.

I unbuckle my belt, sitting there for a few seconds before opening the door. I take a deep breath, looking at Theo.

"You can come in if you want. No one's home at the moment," sometimes you just have to shoot your shot.

"I have other plans tonight," even if you do get rejected. "But maybe another time."

I hide my face as I feel it burn up. 

"Goodnight, Liam," Theo says, smiling.

"Goodnight, Theo." I say, closing the door.

I watch as he pulls out of the driveway, waving as he drives off. I watch the car drive away until I can't see it in my view.

I stand there, feeling the tears form in my eyes. I don't stop them, I let them fall down my face. I let them stain my cheeks. I let the anger, the guilt, the regret and the sadness fall down my face.

The worse part of all of this is... I've known for a while now. I've known that Hayden wasn't going to be my soulmate, but I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. Because if I truly accept who I am...

Everything will change and I'm not ready for that. Not yet.