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𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞.
a damn tease, that's who taraji p. henson is. i'm becoming less convinced of all this big talk she constantly does. she gets me riled up only to act like i'm some innocent virgin who's never had her first kiss.
it's infuriating.
she says she wants me, i practically spell out that i want her too... and she rejects me. ugh frustrating, and it's more annoying that i still don't want to leave. i want to keep trying and get her to see there's no reason to run from this. whatever this is. i want to explore it beyond a business deal. it's worth exploring and the possible heartbreak. she can act as if she only cares for herself and her image but i know that's not the only side to taraji. she's shown so much care and attentiveness to me and keziah, making sure i'm taking care of above all else. she's reminded me i can be confident and say what i want and that's alright. she's taught me to keep my head up and only accept the best for myself and everyone around me.
in the short amount of time that i've known taraji she's made a major impact on my life. for the first time in so long i don't want to apologize for what i want. i don't want to push my feelings aside for everyone else. i want to be selfish and indulge. i meant it when i said taraji is more satisfying than anyone i've ever met. with her i feel comfortable, my worries are forgotten, and despite this current situation, i feel wanted.
ugh, this is dumb, there's no reason for us to play games. the only time i play is with my toddler. why do we need a contract and deals? why can't i just take her out and show her off? why does it have to be a business deal? why am i so frustrated when i knew this is what she wanted? she just wants to fuck me and the sweet gestures are just a way to do that.
i look down at the cake in front of me, my appetite completely gone. i'm frustrated, with taraji, myself, sexually, and the longer i sit here the more adored i get. i just don't understand why this all has to be so damn complicated.
"you look displeased fantasia." i bite my lip as taraji's words cut into the awkward silence. no shit, sherlock. i wonder fucking why.
"it's getting late. i should probably go," i mumble the words without looking up. do i want to leave? no, but in my emotional state, I should get some distance. or i'll go the hell off on taraji for constantly playing with my emotions. i can feel her eyes on me, watching my every movement. normally, i'd feel nervous or anxious but right now i'm just annoyed. especially with myself for having feelings for taraji.
i can feel her eyes on me, they're so penetrating. get a grip fantasia.
"fant-"
"it's fine taraji, besides i have some reading to do." i cut her off, looking into her eyes and meeting the sharp glare head-on. she doesn't like being cut off but i don't like being played with. i need some space from her. i know in the end i'll agree to this deal for the benefit of keziah, but i need to get my heart prepared first. that way i won't get my heart broken.
