CringeFest 2019: The Chaos

Cangrejo VII

"ARE YA READY VICK?"

"Aye aye captain."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUUU!"

"AYE AYE MOTHERFUCKER LET'S JUST GET BASKETBALL OVER WITH."

"Aye aye Vicky Spears," says Carrie. "You know the drill. Only thing we're changing up is Rubye's position. We're letting Gwen take the wheel for centre, see how that goes."

CRUCIFIJO STARTING LINE-UP: 

Rica Navarro, 5'3" - Point Guard. Kit Amy, 5'4" - Shooting Guard & Captain. Jaimie Howitzer, 5'6" - Small Forward. Jorge Foreman, 5'10" - Power Forward. Mandee Foreman, 5'10" - Centre.

CANGREJO STARTING LINE-UP:

Carrie Dagenhart, 5'6" - Point Guard & Captain. Andrea Lachowski, 5'6" - Shooting guard. Rubye Königer, 5'5" - Small Forward. Vick Spears, 5'4" - everything. Gwendolyn Myers, 5'7" - Centre.

"ANDALE CANGREJO! DEROTARLOS! ANDALE CANGREJO! DEROTARLOS!"

"VAMOS CRUSADOS! VAMOS CRUCIFIJO! C! R-U-C! I-F-I! J---O! CRU-CI-FI-JO!"

The ref blows his whistle, and Coach Caesar tosses the ball. Mandee gets an immediate hold of it, and she passes to Kit. She dribbles closer to the hoop, and Vick stands in front of her. She jumps to shoot, and so does Vick. As the ball is released from her hand Vick steals it. And you probably saw this coming anyway.

"Nice one, Vicky!"

"ANDALE CANGREJO! DEROTARLOS! ANDALE CANGREJO! DEROTARLOS!"

Jaimie makes an appearance in front of her, but she cross-steps and zooms down to the side. Jorge tries to defend as well, but no use: Vick is a fucking beast and you know it. She jumps up and slams the ball into the hoop.

"ANDALE CANGREJO! DEROTARLOS!"

Rica handles the ball over to Jorge, who just dribbles through and shoots, tying the score.

"VAMOS CRUSADOS! VAMOS CRUCIFIJO! C! R-U-C! I-F-I! J---O! CRU-CI-FI-JO!"

Andrea catches the ball and passes straight to Rubye. She dribbles a bit and then bounces the ball sideways to Vick and she just shoots stepping on the 3-point line not even bothering to step back smh my head.

"Bruh."

"Whatever man," says Vick as Jorge passes to Mandee. She makes a long pass to Kit who shoots.

"Bruh, you're being outdone by Kit," says Carrie. "Let's do this, Cangrejo!"

"Alright, then," says Vick. Carrie in the meanwhile makes a pass to Gwen. Jorge is very tall and stands in front of her so she passes to Andrea and she shoots for 3 points. Rica hands the ball over to Jaimie, but as Jaimie passes to someone else Vick swoops in, dribbles, and does another 3 point shot.

"ANDALE CANGREJO! DEROTARLOS!"

"That's more like it!"

They play on.

(Side note, gee I remember narrating the whole match once now I'm compressing this shit again)

CRUCIFIJO: 11

CANGREJO: 14

Andrea passes to Vick, who was about to shoot again but Mandee blocks her. And bumps her. And... oops, foul.

"Lmao nice one," says Gwen.

Vick stands at the free-throw line and shoots. Jorge dribbles but Rubye manages to bump the ball out of her possession and because protagonist thingzz or whatever (I forgot if that's actually a foul or not) she gets away with it and she passes to Carrie who scores another 2 points.

Rica makes a baseball pass to Kit and she shoots 3 points so that Cringefest is normal for once and the non-protag team actually has a chance of winning. Maybe. I dunno.

Then Vick manages to get a hold of the ball and then dribbles all the way through the court, then Mandee and Jorge double-team her so she passes to Rubye and she shoots.

"Nice!"

CRUCIFIJO: 17

CANGREJO: 24

"One minute left," says Carrie. "Defence!"

Cangrejo goes man-to-man with everyone. Rica shoots but Rubye blocks and the ball goes down to Vick. She dwibbwes vewwy vewwy quickwy owo and shoots for 3 points again.

"Thirty seconds left!" shouts Jorge. She grabs the ball and passes to Rica who shoots but does not make the shot.

"oof"

"TEN SECONDS LEFT CAN WE MAKE IT GUYS?" shouts Andrea.

"Maybe"

"good answer Vick"

Carrie passes to Andrea and Gwen kinda just stands around and makes sure nobody interferes with Vick trying to shoot. Yes I did say "try to shoot" btw

"Darn."

"Imagine missing a 3-point shot even though your name is Vick Spears," says Andrea. "Smh."

Sad Vick noises

"Alright, let's get it for the 2nd quarter!