30.5: the guilt

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"Dad... I swear, I'm fine!" Hoshiko tried to get her loud blond father off of her. He had been apologizing and tightly hugging the young girl ever since they officers managed to get Akane out of there as well as Rosefield, who'd be interrogated.

"I-I still hit you."

Hoshiko looked at the bandaged arm she had. Last thing she could remember was feeling the pain in her arm as Yamada slammed her to the wall. The regretful look in the man's eyes as she started to regain control over herself.

"You did what you had to." She chuckled, hugging the man back. Her hand feeling a few bandages under his shirt. "Besides... if you didn't... I would have been the one to kill you." She laughed dryly, not really finding her own words funny. "I wouldn't know how to feel about that."

Yamada sighed as he held onto her. Who knew he'd become such a caring dad, a sappy, sweet and protective dad.

He expected that from Aizawa, it was just him to be the secretly sweet dad, but himself? He wasn't expecting to be one. Sure he was a teacher too, always with students and all, but he never really had the natural talent of being the parental figure.

So he never really thought he'd fall for something like this.

For Hoshiko.

Now he understood Aizawa and how he'd rather risk his life than have the kids- the students- hurt. Now he understand that feeling of wanting to be the one to be hurting rather than letting the kids undergo that pain.

He was worried, but he was glad as well. Glad that Hoshiko was ok and that he didn't have to damage too much in order to break the trance.

||

Aizawa groaned, shifting awake. He was at the hospital, again. Why wasn't he surprised?

He slowly got up despite every inch of his body screaming in pain and telling him to go back and sleep, but he was determined to try and recall the reason why he would be in the hospital... again.

The pain on his head indicated that someone had knocked him out while the bandages around his arms were still a mystery.

"What the hell happened?" He tried to recall, but nothing came to mind.

Gathering all his strength, he stood up and went to leave the room. He opened the door and he went over to the room beside his.

He had spotted Kayama leaning by the door, indicating that Yamada and the rest might be there.

"Nemuri." He groaned.

Said lady's eyes widened as she watched him enter the room.

"Aizawa." Both his colleagues muttered shock.

He hummed as a response, eyes searching the room. Hoshiko and Yamada on one bed and Kayama by the door.

And Shohei on the very end of the room, filled with bandages.

Glimpses of what had happened returned to him. The hazy memory of him being under Akane's control.

The memory of him beating Shohei nearly to death.

"Sho-hei." He reached out and walked over to him, but Yamada stopped him from getting anywhere near the young boy.

"Sho-"

"Hizashi what-" their eyes met. Aizawa's with a bit of irritation and confusion while Yamada had worry and fear in his eyes.

They both averted they gaze from each other and to Shohei, when the heard his audibly gasp.

"Shohei-"

"Dad." He sounded shocked, fear lingering in his tone. His eyes met his father's, but there was an obvious fear and caution in them.

He was stiff either because of the strain in his muscles, or the subconscious fear and self-defense kicking in at the sight of his father.

"Shohei-" Aizawa went to reach for his son despite Yamada's attempts to stop him, only for Aizawa to stop himself.

His son had flinched at his actions.

He flinched, but it was obvious that he was trying not to.

Shohei was trying so hard to not look afraid. To not offend his father. To not hurt his feeling even more.

But he was scared

And his body just wouldn't comply to him.

The guilt displayed in his father's eyes were enough for him to realize that, despite how much he tried, it was obvious to him that he was scared and that he didn't really want Aizawa near him.

Aizawa looked down sadly, eyes meeting Yamada's once more before finally deciding to leave the room.

"Its for the best, Sho." Kayama reassured him, a gentle hand on his shoulder as he gave his son one more glance before leaving.

"Dad! Wait-" The boy tried to get up and stop his dad- tell him that he was alright. That it was not his fault and that everything was ok, despite his previous action. However, he stopped, groaning at his sudden movements.

"Hei!" Hoshiko jumped out of her bed to help him. "Don't move too much! You have a fracture in the lateral region of your rib so don't move too much!" She had repeated the words of the doctor that went in to check on them a few hours ago.

"But-" Shohei groaned more, but his eyes were on his Father's figure as he left the room.

||

"He looks even more depressed than he usually is." Tora rolled his eyes as he, Shohei and Hoshiko stood by his door while Yamada and Kayama went to get them food.

Aizawa sat in his own hospital room. His eyes were on his bandaged arms while his mind replayed the nightmare that was almost killing you.

His pessimism and self-hate was eating him up and the silence in the room was not helping him.

"Dad?" Aizawa snapped his head to see Shohei walking over to him in crutches. Hoshiko and Tora by the door to watch him.

"Sho-" the older man stopped himself from reaching out, remembering what his hands had done to his som. "You... shouldn't be here."

"But I want to see you." Their eyes met, silence filling the room.

"Lets leave... things are about to get sappy." Tora rolled his eyes as he left, not really wanting to see the "sappy" scene about to unfold.

Shohei sat by Aizawa's bed as he gave a small smile to his dad. "I'm not mad... I wasn't your fault."

Aizawa couldn't look him in the eye, unwilling to forgive himself for what he had done.

"You had no control... You couldn't do anything but listen to her... So I'm not mad." He placed a hand on his dad's arm as he continued to smile.

It was still obvious that Shohei was tense, his body screaming him to leave the room. Telling him that Aizawa was a threat, but he stayed despite of that.

He tried to control his fear- his rapidly beating heart just so he could comfort his dad.

When Aizawa finally managed to look into Shohei's eyes, he broke into tears.

"Sorry." His arms around the boy as he teared up. "I should... I should have done better."

"Dad-"

"I should have fought harder."

"Its not your fault."

Despite his son's words. The guilt ate him up- suffocated him- killed him.

It was swallowing him whole and he couldn't do anything but accept the fact that he had just hurt his own children.

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