Stars in our Hearts

Eight

C

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You can find happiness in the small moments of forever.
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She snores in her sleep and I find it adorable.

She didn't move once at night, but neither did I. We were both still attached to each other. My arm was now under her head and she was curled up next to me. The warmth in my chest was undeniable, I felt like I ruled the world with her here.

I felt like I had someone to protect other than myself.

The sun started to rise, shining down on her face like it was meant for her and only her. Her eyebrows twitch when the light hits her face, nose scrunched up, looking troubled. I used my free hand to cover her eyes from the sun.

She was beautiful and vulnerable. Two things I never thought she was. When I told her about Dad, she didn't look shocked or saddened. She looked like she understood the pain, the feeling, the emotional roller coaster death put us through.

There was no recognition in her eyes when I told her about my first runway show. She was there that day, she was the one who covered my eyes.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer." She muttered and I smiled. She slowly opened her eyes, "What time is it?"

"It's early."

"Why are you up?" She looked up at me through her hooded eyes and my heart skipped beats.

"I usually wake up at this time." To mourn, to cry, to wish to die.

"Sleep, you look like shit." She closed her eyes. A chuckle escaped my lips. I grabbed the window remote from the side table and shut the curtains.

Her hair fell over her mouth as she turned to face the ceiling. My arm was numb from her head on it but I didn't mind. I couldn't. I felt good. Friends, she said. Friends. That's enough for me even if it isn't enough for my heart.

I tucked a strand of her hair away from her face.

Carefully, I got up. I didn't sleep at all. I was afraid to hurt her and the pills I take don't guarantee being safe. It was a risk to have slept next to her, I shouldn't have done that.

She looks so beautiful and peaceful asleep. No whimpers, no constantly moving. Was that because of me? That's wishful thinking. It was probably because she was so exhausted, just like I was. Except I didn't sleep.

I made sure I shut the door quietly so I didn't wake her up before heading to the sofa to lay down. The wind pounded against the windows, the first day of spring sang loudly to the world but everyone was deaf to the tune of its voice.

My phone started ringing. Mara. I knew she'd call.

"I know you have your own place and whatever but you have a sister, you know?" I smiled to myself at her annoyed tone. "You can't live without me, can you?"

"I can..." I heard the distraction in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

"Mom was having a breakdown again." Of course she was.

"What did Dad do?"

"What do you think he did?" The usual. Sat down next to her and comforted her.