Stars in our Hearts

Ten

C

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Loving you was the worst thing I could've done for myself.
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"I'm sorry."

They were two words that held no meaning to me anymore, but I stared at him—my best friend with empathy because I felt bad for him.

"What are you sorry for?"

My feet tapped impatiently on the ground, waiting for him to explain himself to me.

"For being a douche, for... saying stuff about Hemera, for my actions. I'm just, fuck, I don't know. I want to blame someone but I can't blame anyone but myself for acting like that."

He's apologized about this before, it's a routine, a cycle. He does stuff, says sorry, I forgive him, we're friends, and then it repeats.

I allowed myself to forgive him because I have no friends and he's good company when he's not a dick.

"Sorin..." The tapping got faster. I wanted my drink.

"Please, Crius. Man, we're dudes. We don't get emotional about stuff." He sniffled like he was about to cry any second.

That got my attention. Sorin has said sorry but he's never been on the verge to cry. "You good?" I asked.

"A lot of stuff has happened in the past week. You already know shit about my family and the problems we have, so I won't go into that. But it had me realizing a lot. So I'm sorry. I really am."

I shouldn't care that stuff is going on with his family, it's been going on since we were kids. They're always in need of financial help. Don't get me wrong, my Dad helped them a couple of times. I helped them a couple of times, I still do. But there's only so much I can give.

Sorin takes his family seriously. He is a family guy, I'll give him that. But outside of his family, he takes being an asshole seriously. It made no sense to me but it's the way he always was.

But now I feel bad because I've known him for so long and I know how shitty life can be.

"Look," I gestured with my hands. I don't know how to say this to him. "I forgive you on my end, but you need to talk to Hemera about this and apologize."

He slowly covered the drink with a cap and hands it to me. "I did talk to her."

He did? "And she said it was okay?"

He nodded. "She said it's so normalized that she doesn't care."

That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Normalized.

Fuck, we live in a shitty world.

"She forgave you?"

"Yeah."

I wonder if she was actually okay with it.

"So we still... friends? Or have you decided you don't want anything to do with me?"

I smiled. "We're still friends Sorin, I'm sorry for saying we weren't." It'll happen again, and again.

And like a fool, I'll always forgive him.

He's gonna make a mistake again but the best I can do is try to tell him what's wrong and right, and vice versa. "Are you busy today?" He asked me.

I shake my head, "Nope. Why?"

"No reason, just thought we could hangout."

"Sounds good by me."

"I'm done work in like," he checks his watch. "Fifteen minutes, you think you can wait?"