Stars in our Hearts

Fifteen

A

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And sometimes when I think of you, I panic because I know my thoughts are from the heart.
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"Oh you have got to be kidding me?!"

Every single design was shit. Absolute shit. Nothing I ever drew was good, why? No fucking clue.

It shouldn't be that hard to draw an outfit. Well I mean, it's not hard. It's time consuming, hypnotic when you get into it, but not hard.

It's exhausting.

Because I have nothing.

Okay well I do have something, I just don't like it that much.

All of the designs I've scribbled other than those have been nothing—disgusting.

I shut the sketchbook. One more look into it and I might throw a fit, and it won't be pretty.

I had hope, though. Sorin asked me out, I should be excited—I am excited.

But I'm more frustrated than excited because of the clothes, because I can't design anything that's remotely good.

Because of... Because, well, I don't know. I really don't know why my brain is being so useless. Mom sketches designs easily, Dad used to be able to plant flowers with finesse.

I can't do either of those things, kind of surprised I'm even their daughter.

Well, I'm more my father's daughter than my Mom's but still.

"I'm beginning to think you actually like smelling bad."

I frowned, "Hey, can't blame me for wanting to make you look pretty on the runway."

Hemera smiled, plopping herself on my bed. "And I love you for that, I do, but I'm not joking. You stink, when's the last time you showered?"

"Is it bad if I say I don't remember?"

She moved herself slightly away from me.

"Okay, gross."

The sketchbook was now placed in my drawer so I wouldn't have to look at it. If I kept it out longer, Hemera would've pressured me into showing what I drew. Which again, was absolute shit. "I'm kidding. I went on a run and came straight here. I have a date tonight."

My eyes stuck onto a piece of thread hanging out of my shirt. Her gaze burnt holes into my skin and I was acting like I couldn't see it.

"A date?" She cautiously asked.

I nodded my head, conspicuously.

She moved closer to me, invading my personal bubble.

"Crius?!" She exclaimed.

"Crius?" What about Crius? Date? A date with Crius? Huh.

"Crius." She said nothing else, staring at me intently as if there was some hidden secret.

"I wish," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

"What?" The amused expression on her face wasn't sitting right with me.

"You want to go on a date with Crius but it isn't Crius, but you don't talk to any other guy... Oh hold up! Sorin?"

I got off the bed, pacing back and forth. "I don't want to date Crius, I mean it would be cool and very hot because he's hot but that doesn't mean I'd date him, does it? No, no. It doesn't—"

"Sorin. I'm talking about Sorin right now." No, we were talking about Crius.

"Sorin?"

She smirked, "Date with one guy but mind on another? Trouble in paradise, love?"

Between Crius and Sorin? There can't be. I've liked Sorin for a while now, and I was going to continue to like him. But Crius... For some reason, my mind keeps wandering back to him. I thought about him last night, I haven't told Hemera because I know what she would say. "No, yes? I don't know."

She took my hand and pulled me towards her on the bed. I laid my head on her shoulder and sighed.

"Talk to me," she said.

"None of this makes sense to me, it should but it doesn't."

"Speak child, let me lift some weight off your shoulders."

"I like Sorin," I stated.

"Yes, well, that's obvious."

"But I keep thinking about Crius."

"Also, very obvious."

"Sorin is, well, he's good. I think. He's attractive."

"Yes, very attractive. Continue," she toyed with my fingers.

"But Crius... He... He gets me. I think about his eyes and how they look at me, his smile and how he smiles at me, his touch and how he touches me—"

She pushed me off her, bewildered. "Touch?! Now hold on a second, we went from zero to a hundred real quick."

I pulled at my ears. I guess I forgot to tell her that small detail. "Oh we did a photoshoot together, Mara took us and it was cool and because of that I can't stop thinking about him."

Her mouth agape, "Photoshoot with Crius? Holy hell, girl. Even I wouldn't stop thinking about him, but continue."

"The way he listens to me, the way he is, he just... it's like every bit of him, every tiny breath is being spent on me and he doesn't regret it."

"Alida..." Her expression turned somber, serious.

"I like him as a friend, right?" I bit my lip. It can't be anything else, I won't allow it to be anything else.

"I like him." My gaze trapped with hers, the silence carried on.

"Who do you like?"

"Crius." She looked down.

"What?" She can't like him. She can't like him. She can't like him. This is all one big joke.

She's joking.

"Yep, I like him." She was biting her lip and avoiding eye contact with me.

Oh shit, she's not joking.

"You can't like him," I said.

"Why?" She looked up, water in her eyes.

"Because, because you can't."

"But I like him, you can't stop the way I feel."

"You don't deserve... He doesn't deserve you." You're playing this perfectly, Alida.

She bursted out laughing, "I don't deserve him, huh?"

My eyes followed her as she moved back and forth on the bed, being in hysterics. "Why are you laughing? This isn't funny, nothing's funny. This is serious, Hemera."

She stopped laughing, but there was still amusement in her eyes. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"You're getting ready for a date with another guy while you're thinking about someone else? Are you serious?" So she doesn't like Crius. This woman needs to be in a movie, that acting was priceless, and annoying.

"I'm not thinking about anyone," my glare ended up on the floor.

"Alida," she lifted my face to look at her."

"Hemera," I whined.

"You like Crius."

"No, I don't." Suddenly, I found the thread on my shirt more entertaining than her.

"Deny it all you want, but deep down you know you like him. It's so obvious."

"Nothing is obvious. I don't like anyone but Sorin."

She rolled her eyes. "What is it about Sorin that you like, anyways? That is, if you like him."

"I do like him. Remember when I first came to the city, I'd always be pissed off and terribly sad?" She forced me to lay my head back on her shoulder.

"Yes, it was a terrible combination and I couldn't get through you, what about then?"

"I found that cafe, the one he works at. He'd play this one song whenever I was there, and for some reason it always soothed me."

"You liked him because he comforted you without knowing he comforted you?"

"I realized it was him afterwards, he flashed me this... smile and I was whipped."

"He didn't remember your name," I bet she was narrowing her eyes at the memory. I turned my head to look at her and yep, she was narrowing her eyes.

"A common mistake," I shrugged.

"It's not hard to forget your name."

"It sort of bothers me now, but whatever."

"You like Crius, Alida. Don't you think you're gonna be leading Sorin on?"

"No, I won't. I'm not. I like him."

"Crius?" She asked.

"Yes... No, I mean no. I like Sorin." I said, absentmindedly. Maybe I did like Crius, it would make sense. Close proximity can do that to people.

"Mhm, maybe if you keep telling yourself that it'll come true."

"You're such a bitch," I grabbed the pillow closest to me and slammed it on her face.

"One of us has to be," she gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek which I wiped away immediately.

"Okay, now get me ready. I have to be there in like thirty minutes."

"How the fuck am I supposed to get you ready in thirty minutes?"

"I'm sure you can do it."

"Yes, well I am perfect at everything, aren't I?" She flipped her hair.

I shook my head. This room is too small for her ego.

"I'll agree for now."

She pinched my arm.

"Ouch, what was that for?"

"For being stupid."

"I'm not being stupid," I rubbed the place she pinched me.

"I'm honestly convinced you don't have a brain," she walked over to my clothes stand and grabbed my towel.

"Hm, you're probably right, because if I did, I wouldn't be friends with you."

She threw the towel, roughly, my way.

"Seriously?!"

"You deserved it," a sweet smile appeared on her lips. "Now go shower."

With an ache in my legs and my heart, I left the room with an uncomfortable thought lingering in my head.

I'm overexaggerating, so is Hemera. There is no way I like Crius. He's a friend, sometimes, sometimes we feel things for our friends that mean nothing. This is just like those times.