Stars in our Hearts

Thirty

C & A

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loving you is better than having loved you.
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C

"I'm about to shit myself right now." Alida was panicking. She was sweating and stressing, and the girl was losing her mind. I tried everything to calm her down. I even brought a brownie from the other side of the city, the brownie she really loves, but she still hasn't calmed down.

"We'll be fine, Alida." I touched her shoulder, reassuringly, but it seemed like it didn't help.

"My mother is out there right now, she doesn't..." I squeezed her shoulder. She was worried about her mother and I was worried about Jeremy and Dorian.

Both were here. Dorian brought mom along. I tried to go see her but I wasn't allowed to go out of our designated area. When I saw her through a small opening on the other side of the wall, she was smiling but I now noticed everything else. Her fingers, she was pulling at them. Her leg was fidgety and the way she kept looking around meant she was on edge.

Of course she'd be on edge, I'm always on edge too.

"She's fine," Alida peeked over my shoulder. "Or at least she will be."

"Yeah," I said. "She'll be fine."

Charose had been acting strange since we got back. Last night I got a text message from her saying I shouldn't interfere. When I asked her what for, she didn't reply.

My gut is telling me something's gonna go really wrong.

Or something's gonna go really right.

Either way, I had Alida to worry about for now.

"Everyone's ready." She looked up at me. Her eyes held so much fear and excitement, I wasn't sure which emotion was more overpowering. "Hemera's in her first outfit, so is Mara."

The music boomed loudly, the announcer on the outside introducing the designers. From the backstage TV, we watched people model their outfits on the runway. We were last, unfortunately. Everyone's outfits were amazing, some were average and odd, but that's the beauty in it.

"I'm gonna lose," she stated.

I shook my head, "So what? We win some and we lose some, that's life."

"I want to make her proud, just once."

She sighed, deeply. Mara had french braided Alida's hair, and stuck some diamond star pins in it. She was a dream and I never wanted to wake up.

"The look on her face when she sees you will be enough," I pleaded with Alida. She hated her mom, she did. But this seeking approval thing of hers wasn't good. It was never gonna be good.

"Crius," she said my name so softly. Just then, her name was called. I turned around to go to my place, the way we had practiced, but Alida's hand held onto my shirt. "I love you," she whispered.

I shouldn't have been able to hear it. Not with all the music booming through the place, the loud applause and screaming.

But I heard it loud and clear.

And my face dropped.

She noticed it and hers did too.

"Nevermind, good luck out there."

Before I could tell her that I love her back, she skidded away, disappearing into the small crowd of designers.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!