Stars in our Hearts

Twenty Nine

A

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i want to forget everything but you.
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I waited for him to arrive. Night in Aspen was beautiful. Sometimes it felt like entering a whole new world, something very fictional. Oftentimes, it reminded me of Velaris from A Court of Mist and Fury. The book by Sarah J Maas. I wasn't much of a reader but the fictional world she created was enough to suck me in.

"It's beautiful up here," he walked over to where I sat. The blanket was warm and I had an extra blanket if either of us got cold. He smelled like a fresh field of roses. I turned my head to the side to look at him. He changed into a black long sleeved shirt and paired it with grey sweatpants. His biceps were outlined magnificently because of the shirt.

Look away.

Taking a deep breath, I wait for him to sit beside me. When he does, it's silent. Neither of us talk. There has to be about a million stars in the sky, shining down on us, watching us from a distance.

If I ever disappeared, it's because the stars took me away.

Remembering my dad at a time like this is... confusing. "My mom left me because of an ultimatum my dad gave her. He could've moved us to New York. Why didn't he?" Crius didn't answer and I wasn't talking to him. I was talking to the stars. "We were supposed to be a perfect family. The kind that stuck together. My mom loved me, maybe she still does in a fucked up way but... I was robbed of a family and I don't know who to blame."

"Both of them are to blame," Crius answered for the stars.

"I was given love, the best kind of it. I wouldn't take any of those memories away. I would live them over and over again if I had the choice to pick. But I want to know why my dad didn't support my mom. He hid so much from me, why?"

"You were a child, your dad wanted to protect you."

"From what?"

"The truth," he said. "I wanted to hide the truth from my dad because it would've devastated him and it did, it broke him. Your dad thought the same thing for you, Alida."

"But why?" I asked.

"Because your mom chose herself over you."

I stayed quiet. He was right. She did choose herself over me.

She would do it again in a heartbeat.

But I want her to love me, to see me, to accept me.

"I want her to be proud of me," I admitted.

"Why?" He moved closer to me. His knee brushed my thigh.

"Because there's no one else in my life I want to make proud."

"There's your dad."

"And while he watches over me, I wonder what he thinks. His daughter, the one he gave everything to, can't help but think about her mother who gave nothing. I wouldn't make him proud, I'd disappoint him." One of the stars shined brighter, or maybe it was just me and my crazy mind. I was seeing things and I was thinking random thoughts.

But it did seem to glow a little brighter than the rest. Or at least it did to me.

"Your dad can never be disappointed in you, Alida. He loves you, look." He pointed at the star I was staring at. "That star is shining brighter than the rest, can you still say he isn't proud of you?"

"That's not him," I said.

"But it is, if you want it to be."

I ignored his comment, "Look at them. Look at the way they're listening to me."