All I want is to love- Kian Lawley fanfic

Chapter 51: Finally 18

*Kian pov*

The summer months passed and memories stayed. I realized many things this summer. I experienced many things this summer. I realized what love really is. I realized how love really feels. I've realized that emotions can take over your body both physically and emotionally. I have realized how fucking blessed I truly am, to be living the life I do with the people I have around me.

I am not sure if it was summer itself or the relaxing that came with it that made me realize so many things. I feel like in just took some more time to think everything through and it's really gotten me alot farther. It's like I was trying to put into perspective how many people support me. It was a baffling result. It motivated me in my work, attitude and to be more self aware.

Along with working hard, came playing hard. Just how you would picture your perfect summer. Parties every weekend, laying on the beach, swimming, getting sun burns, and of course falling in love.

I found myself falling deeper and deeper down this chamber. I would fall and fall, then hit a snag and fall again. Deeper and deeper in love.

I was in love. I was in fucking love. In love with her traits, personality, opinions, stories, and looks. I never quite understood how I managed to snatch her up in my grasp, because I see her as everyone's dream girl, they just didn't give her the chance. But it's too bad for them because I don't plan on ever letting her go. The most beautiful girl, with the prettiest eyes that I could stare into until I fell asleep was the same girl that would sit up wth me all night if I was upset. The same girl that I would do anything for in a blink of an eye. I was in love. I was in fucking love.

The night we announced o2l was ending it's regular videos, I felt myself shut down. As soon as Con, Sam and Trevy left I was reading through all the reactions on social medias. Courtney was over and was reading over my shoulder. But I felt myself coming loose, not in a good way. I aggressively shut my computer and Courtney jumped. My face went directly in my hands and I felt myself boiling over and I couldn't find a reason.

Courtney wrapped herself around me and just held me there. Resting her head against mine. She started off with a story, a story of her first crush, in elementary school and how they met on the playground. The story ended so sad that I started laughing because I felt so bad. It wasn't like a tragic ending, more like a sad and cute ending about how the boy ran away from her. She always knew little ways to make me smile even when that was the last thing I was thinking about.

We sat and talked most of the night, just to get my mind off things. She truly is my favorite person to talk to. My favorite person to listen to. She asks the best questions too, and I'll never be able to stop boosting about her.

Courtney started to tell me another story, one that is on-going. She doesn't talk about bits and pieces of it much, that why it caught me off guard.

"Ava and I, had the friendship of gold." She started off.

"But life sometimes gets in the way, even if your plans are completely different than what is happening in reality. Even when plans change for the better, sometimes you may find yourself missing what you had. I miss Ava, a lot. I don't like to think about it. Or talk about it for that matter." She said. I slid my hand in hers and she continued.

"O2l ending, is the start of a new chapter. You need start believing what you guys are telling everyone. You guys are still friends, best friends. Yes, it will be harder to maintain close bonds with everyone once they start venturing off to do different things, but it's something that you will do if you want to keep that relationship. Maybe you're scared of not having o2l to fall back on when you have creativity block, but that doesn't mean you can't ask for help when you need it. Maybe you're scared that your friendships will fall apart, if that's the case then try to prevent it from happening and just consistently maintain those close knit friendships. But maybe, just maybe, people will drift, and it might not be painful. That's only at first, because once you realize what happened, which really was nothing, just time between talks, you will probably miss what you had with them. Maybe the inside jokes, or the last night conversation you had that one time that really put life into perceptive for you. You might just miss having them when you need them, or miss the memories you created with them and not anything else. I just want to say be aware of drifters, and take action to things you find worthy. Because I miss Ava, and I don't want you to feel the same way with these boys."