Trust

Clingy

With a groan, San lets his whole body fall against the door to the students' flats to push it open. There's no strength left in his muscles after this hell of a dance workout he just did together with Mingi and Yunho.

San wonders – now even more than before – how they can exercise like that almost every single day. He'd rather drop dead than face such a torture again in the near future.

Yunho and Mingi, however, are pretty enthusiastic about it – according to them, it is the perfect preparation for the Festival of Lights. They both have this dream of performing there eventually, within the next two and a half years, before they have finished their bachelor's degree.

Like every other student at Seoul University, probably.

Like San. He doubts that his friends would need the whole training, but sometimes, he himself sits at his desk until late at night, working on a new song or a new cover – in hopes of playing and singing it at the festival some time within the next few years.

Lifting his leg to take a first step into the shared corridor – his sore muscles are aching – San is about to let out another groan... when he hears voices.

He freezes on the spot as he recognizes Wooyoung's voice.

"... yeah, thanks."

Then another voice, a male one: "That was fun. You should come over soon again."

"We'll see." Wooyoung sounds rather reserved. "See you then!" Steps are going up the corridor's staircase.

"Wait – where are you going?"

The steps halt, and Wooyoung chuckles awkwardly. "Um... just visiting a friend."

"A friend?" The question is almost dripping with jealousy.

"God, no-" Wooyoung scoffs. "Not a friend like that. A platonic friend. Do you really think I'd hook up with two guys at the same time? There's only you at the moment."

"I was just wondering..." The other voice goes silent.

Wooyoung doesn't seem to notice their relieved undertone. "Okay", he simply says, "see you then. Bye."

"Bye", the other voice mumbles.

San is nearly burning with curiosity. He only waits for a second before stepping around the corner – where he finds himself almost face to face with a blonde, short guy - who is also built impressively lean and muscly. San can tell because the guy's only wearing sweatpants, no shirt.

Hot. Kind of.

"Oh." The guy retreats back into his flat before San can even open his mouth.

"... Hi?" The door slams shut.

Well then. San shrugs and makes his way up to his and Wooyoung's flat, partly wondering why the half naked guy doesn't know that Wooyoung lives upstairs... and partly caught up in a mess of his own thoughts. Hookup, blonde and Wooyoung keep on ringing in his head.

Jimin is getting clingy. That's obvious. And I don't know what to do about it.

I know I don't want anything serious with him. And to be honest... maybe I don't even want to hook up with him anymore. It's only a matter of time until San's name will slip past my lips when I come, and I'm not ready to cope with the embarrassment that's going to wash over me once that happens.

Hooking up with Jimin today, again, was more an attempt to get rid of some learning stress and frustration than anything else – but obviously, even that didn't work out. Homework's still piling up, and additionally I now seriously need to worry that Jimin might catch... feelings, or whatever.

Tearing at my hair, I pace one more round in my room. I don't like where this is going.

Stopping hooking up with Jimin would feel like I'm only doing this because I can't get San out of my mind. It would feel like giving up by accepting the fact that I do like San more with every passing day, and that there is something in my life that a round of good sex can't fix.

I don't like that thought.

The idea of ending things with Jimin feels relieving and stupid at the same time. Only for a second, I wish that I hadn't met San. Because if I hadn't met him, I'd be happily fooling around with Jimin. It would just be a lot of fun and orgasms.

And maybe I'd even be happy if he confessed to me.

If I hadn't met San.

I sigh.

This is getting ridiculous. It would be so easy if I could just go with the flow, continuing to hook up with Jimin, accepting his crush on me or whatever it is, and start dating him eventually.

But I have met San – and I know that I won't be able to pretend for much longer. Like two days ago, San's name was on the tip of my tongue when I came in Jimin half an hour ago. Because, again, I imagined him to be San.

Though Jimin obviously isn't San. I'm just torn between the two equally bad options of continuing or stopping to hook up with him.

There's just one thing about this whole mess that I'm thankful for – which is the fact that San doesn't know anything about it. I honestly don't know what I'd do if he ever found out.