"I trust you", San tells me, and I freeze. Does that mean that he'd hook up with me if I'd want it too?
Do I want it? Hell, yeah.
But... I'm scared.
Why?
I'm not the virgin here - San is.
So why am I the one who's frozen, unable to form a full se...
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When I return to San's and my flat in the evening, the very first thing I can hear is San singing in his room. I freeze on the doormat.
It sounds like he's really practicing, not just singing absentmindedly. His voice sounds clear and focused and warm – he's making the lyrics come to life just like that.
"... is anyone out there? Deullishinayo..." He goes over to humming, accompanied by the chords he plays on keyboard. "... deullishina-" The new harmony that he strikes sounds dissonant and makes him curse loudly. "Why the fuck is this so hard?!"
A long sigh follows – then San starts again, from is anyone out there? on.
I'm beginning to feel like a stalker like this, just standing in the doorway and listening to him practice – so I finally step inside our flat and pull the door shut behind me.
San immediately falls silent in his room.
Heart hammering in my throat, I stare at his bedroom door and wait for him to come out.
More silence.
I slip out of my shoes, place them under the jackets' rack, and wait.
Nothing.
And then San goes back to singing. He's sounding slightly tense now, but once again he starts from is anyone out there? before going over the following chords slowly, all the keys sounding about right and harmonic this time.
Maybe this is for the better. I swallow as I make my way through the kitchen to my own room. I definitely need to talk to Jimin before I can, hopefully, ask San out. But... I really wanted to see San now, as selfish as that might be. I just wanted to see him again.
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My alarm clock rings earlier than usual, and I'm about to put it on snooze to sleep just a little bit longer – I'm still tired, for fuck's sake – when I remember the reason why I need to get up half an hour earlier than usual: Jimin. And after the talk with him, I've got the Theater of the Body-seminar. Fucking great.
San is nowhere to be seen when I make my way out of my room and into the kitchen for a quick breakfast. He's probably still sleeping, since today is one of the days where he's got late classes, his first class starting at twelve... Or he's avoiding me like he did yesterday. I don't know what I should do if he continues this. I'd thought he would... I don't know, maybe approach me to ask why I left? But then again, I'd also thought that he was the one texting me Saturday morning while I was on the train to Busan, and clearly, he hadn't done that either.
