Trust

Sleeping with Movie Characters

Gloomily, San lets his gaze wander over the papers spread out in front of him: it's the score of a Bollywood song, and some texts on North Indian music theory, which he has yet to understand. But his thoughts have been elsewhere for the past thirty minutes – and while his happy memories of his lunch break together with Wooyoung and Jongho are slowly fading, dejection takes over him once again.

He's not good enough for the Festival of Lights. Still not good enough. He'd thought his rankings were excellent – but, apparently, they weren't nearly excellent enough. Apparently, he isn't nearly good enough.

San knows those self-doubts that are starting to creep up on him all too well from his last two semesters. He'd hoped they would cease the more time passed and the more he got used to the pressure – but, apparently, that isn't the case.

Or maybe he's being too sensitive about this topic – maybe being an artist does mean doubting oneself all the time, questioning everything from silly circumstances to the own talent. It's tiring. But San also knows one thing: he will never give up, neither on singing nor on dancing or on getting into the Festival of Lights. No matter how long it will take. He just has to make it eventually.

The sound of a key turning in the lock snaps him out of his thoughts.

"I'm gonna kill them", Wooyoung grumbles as he steps into their corridor and shuts the door behind him. Then he peeks around the door frame, into the kitchen. "Hey San."

"Hey." San only looks up shortly before trying his best to focus on North Indian music theory once again. It's got something to do with rāga – but he still has to get the concept of rāga...

Giving up on his homework after a few more seconds, San lets himself fall back against the sofa's backrest. "Who are you gonna kill?", he calls in direction of their corridor where Wooyoung is taking off his shoes, by the sounds of it.

"Seonghwa and Hongjoong." Wooyoung appears in the door frame again, running a hand through his hair restlessly, frustration evident in his voice. "I don't know what the fuck they were thinking when they planned this. Anyways, I don't even care-"

"They were just looking for good dancers for their project", San offers. Then he swallows. He can dance too – there's a reason to the fact that he's only ever been in the top ten of the few of his dance classes so far.

But, obviously, that isn't enough.

"It's okay."

"It's not." Wooyoung immediately retorts. "I actually wanted to tell them I'm gonna drop out of their fucking performance team, so just give me a second..." He pulls his phone out.

"Whoa, wait!" San jumps up to grab Wooyoung's wrist, making him halt mid-movement. "You're not seriously considering this!" Although San is kind of shocked about Wooyoung's new plan - the fact that Wooyoung nods vigorously and without hesitation makes a kind of unexpected warmth blossom in his chest.