Trust

Epilogue: Love Is Love

"I think I should start by being honest: I never expected to end up here one day.

"I always thought churches and I don't have a lot in common - and I thought the same goes for my brother." Doyoung throws me a pointed look, one that already makes me regret that we asked him to do this in the first place.

Across the table, Yeosang is holding a hand in front of his mouth to hide a shit-eating grin, while San giggles quietly into my ear: "Stop worrying, Woo."

"So to say I was surprised when San and Wooyoung asked me to hold a speech, in a church, at their wedding - that would probably be an understatement." Doyoung snorts, and all the celebratory prideful atmosphere flies straight out of the window.

I exchange a skeptical look with Hongjoong, who promised me that he would go over Doyoung's speech to make sure everything it was alright. Hongjoong just shrugs, looking almost... apologetic? Seonghwa, however, sends me a calming smile - just like he did all those years ago, like when I was panicking over my bachelor thesis in the library and he came up to me with a bottle of cool water after, with San gone to one of his music mentoring camps, almost a week of me surviving on energy drinks and coffee milk.

Seonghwa smiles at me. Then he turns to again look at Doyoung, and I feel myself relaxing a bit. Just a little bit.

My little brother takes a moment to let his gaze wander over all our guests - San's and my families, friends, and some of our colleagues - then it comes to a halt at our Ateez table before flitting down to our intertwined hands. "So however weird this feels to me", Doyoung concludes, beaming, "all this formal attire and this-", he makes a short motion in the direction of the cross hanging on the far wall of the church's room that's used for banquets, baptisms and, well, weddings, "this stuff... I also feel very honored that the they both trusted me with such an important task on such a meaningful day."

I squeeze San's hand and he squeezes right back.

God, I really hope Doyoung won't screw this up any more.

Doyoung clears his throat. "I'm a bit concerned for Wooyoung though - because lately he's been acting as if he's always been this responsible and grown-up, while I clearly remember him coming to Busan in his third semester at uni, on the verge of desperation, because he'd fu-"

When he meets my gaze, Doyoung falls silent for a second. Don't you dare to continue, I try to tell him nonverbally. The story of how I'd been stupid enough to leave San after the night of our first kiss all those years ago is definitely not something for a church - and even less for such a large audience. That stuff is personal.

Doyoung clears his throat again. "... on the verge of desperation because he realized that he had feelings for San. I feel like San has always been the more mature one of the two of you, anyway."

This speech can only get worse from now on. I close my eyes, telling myself to never, ever again ask Doyoung for the favor of doing a toast. And then I can hear some people chuckle, and my eyes fly open again. Mingi, playing absentmindedly with Yunho's fingers, throws me a grin. And San is smiling too as he leans towards me and whispers teasingly, "I think he's not wrong about that, is he?"

"He's embarrassing", I mumble back.

"I think it's kind of funny, actually." San throws me another charming smile before he turns his attention back to Doyoung.

"I'd gladly fill books with everything stupid that Wooyoung has ever done during his uni years, before and after he met San", Doyoung tells the crowd cheerfully, "but - first, what would I get out of this?" He throws me a cheeky grin, knowing fully well that I won't and can't do anything to interfere. "And second", his expression turns a bit more grounded now, "today is about something else. Today is about San and Wooyoung, and the fact that they love each other enough to overcome the obstacles of very much paperwork, and let this ceremony take place in a church, even though they're both not religious, but because their parents kindly asked them to." Doyoung sends a wink to Mom and Dad, and a smile to San's parents. They are all sitting next to each other, at the table right next to ours.

"Anyway. I'm glad that you could all make it today. And I'm really glad this", Doyoung makes a gesture that includes everyone standing at their tables, waiting with champagne glasses in their hands, "is happening right now. I never thought this possible ten or so years ago - well, to be honest, back then I didn't even expect Wooyoung would ever want to get married in the first place... - South Korea's laws are shit, is what I wanted to say. It's been centuries, so why do we still have those paragraphs that make a difference between homosexual and heterosexual marriages?! Love is love."

"Love is love!", San repeats, taking my hand in his. "I love you, Wooyoung, you know that?"

"Love is love", a few people around us agree in a murmur, still with enough respect for Doyoung to not disturb his speech.

"I love you too, Sannie." My San. Who is gazing back at me with eyes full of adoration and fondness. And who looks absolutely stunning in his crisp black suit with carefully gelled back hair... and with a golden ring adorning his right ring finger.

"This is the best day of my life", I blurt out randomly, and I blush when I meet San's gaze again.

"For me too", San tells me. He intertwines our fingers with a look of serious concentration on his face, then he places our hands on the table like that. "I can't wait to-"

"Ahem." Doyoung clears his throat loudly. "You won't have to wait much longer until you can start drinking your orange juice or champagne -just... give me... a second." He shuffles some papers on the little improvised desk in front of him. Then he looks up again. "Last year, there have been around two hundred thousand marriages in Korea and one hundred thousand divorces - because, obviously, a marriage is no free pass to eternal love. But just take a moment to look at our two newly-weds."

San blinks, startled, and I shift uncomfortably on my seat at the sudden attention from all sides. There's a stifled snicker from Yeosang, and spot Jongho in my peripheral vision who subtly elbows him in the ribs.

"They've already been living together for what feels like a century to me", Doyoung continues, "even during the most stressful parts of life that are called final exams and job applications." He chuckles ironically, and I snort. It's to no use pretending that Doyoung's speech is a planned, high-class one, because it's definitely very far from that. But some of our guests seem to like it nevertheless.

Doyoung nods his head decidedly. "Anyway. I can repeat myself over and over again, or I can just leave it at this: I'm glad that you two have found each other, and I wish you only the best for every single moment in your marriage." He raises his champagne glass with orange juice into the air: "To San and Wooyoung! Love is love."

"Love is love!", everyone repeats. And as our guests raise their campagne glasses too - nodding, smiling, toasting to us - I think that this might be the first time that I'm crying from happiness.