Does she love Rowan? She's not sure. Did she loved Rowan? She did, but he's too young to remember it. Rousteen wants to love him, but the grudge in her heart doesn't allowed her to. She started pushing Rowan away when he was only 3 years old. Why? Because she didn't want him to expect so much from her. She knows that she wouldn't be able to love Rowan like how she does to his other twin, and she doesn't want him to see him dissapointed or anything. When the time comes and she needs to choose one of them, she doesn't want Rowan to be dissapointed when she chooses the other twin rather than him, she wants him to expect that coming.
It might seem cruel and unbelievable, but she's doing it for Rowan. She doesn't want to see him brokenhearted by the things he expected from her. It's better if he hates her more than he loves her. But right now, all she could see is disappointment and sadness in his eyes. No where near hatred.
No matter how many time she pushed him away, and how many cruel words she spat on his face, he still loves her like she did nothing wrong to him. Like she never said any harsh words to him. Which is unbelievable for her, because he's nowhere near his biological father's characteristic and attitude. Rowan is completely his opposite.
After Rousteen's walking out moment, she went to the place that gives her peace and relaxation. A mansion located on the hills. The place is far away from everyone. No noise, no problem, no toxic air. Just the sound of the wind and birds chirping. In this house, on the very top floor, there's a room customized as a burial site for her lover. She didn't want to bury his coffin below the ground, she wanted him to stay close, and still be with him even if he's not breathing anymore. That's why she hired people to customize the biggest room in the mansion as his burial site.
"It's been awhile, Tesoro. I hope you're doing good over there". Was the first thing she said when she entered the room. She misses him. And she can't help but wonder how happy she could've been if only he was alive and well.
"To be honest with you, Tesoro, I don't know how long will I keep on acting like I'm fine when I'm really not".
"You give the best advice, Tesoro. How wish you could talk to me, because I really need your advice". She smiled bitterly as tears started flowing down from her eyes. Before, whenever she feels troubled or has a lot of problems and issues to solve, he would give her advices on how she should deal with the things that are troubling her and tell her his own opinion about every issue and problem.
"If only money could bring you back alive. I'll give everything I have away just so I can be with you once again". She's willing to do anything just for him. Even if he ask her to sacrifice everything she has, she'll do it with no doubt at all.
She thought of killing herself just so she could follow him and be with him, but she can't, she has children to take care of. Especially the son she gave away, she needs to live in order to protect him from danger.
"One day, when the time is right, I'll have you walking on the aisle for me".
"They might see you as a cruel mafia heiress, but to my eyes, I could only see you as very amazing and fearless woman. Plus, I see you too as the mother of my kids and my future wife".
"I know you're powerful and strong enough to protect yourself, but I still promise to protect at all cost".
"I'll love you even if i'm away".
"Thank goodness I was the one assigned for that mission, or else I won't be seeing you at all".
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me".
Rousteen remembers every words he said to her. When she remembers thee way he showers her with love and affection, it tears her heart apart because she knows she won't be receiving any of those anymore. She misses him so bad. The only reason preventing her from killing herself is their son. Even though she gave him away, his safety is still her obligation, and she'll do anything to keep him away from people who wants to do him harm.
Tesoro
It's not her lover's name. It's the name they call each other. Tesoro is a italian word that means 'sweetheart'. Her lover is one of the greatest policeman in South Korea. He's the chief of police. Imagine, a mafia heiress and a chief of police fell inlove with each other. That's sounds a bit crazy.
They first met at a School, where the both of them were disguised as a highschool student for their mission. Unexpectedly, they saw each other from afar, and immediately fell inlove with one another at first glance. The two of them have a lot of enemies, because those people see them as a big threat. That's when they finally had each other, they did their best to not let a single soul know about their weakness, which is each other, because they can use it against them.
But someone knew about it and immediately took the advantage. Costing her lover's life. That person knew he can't go after Rousteen because of the power she holds, so he went for her lover instead.
"Don't worry, Tesoro. Up to this day, he is still paying for what he caused us". The person who killed her lover is locked somewhere in their main house, being tortured every single day with no mercy. That person is there for seventeen years now. He's been facing her wrath for seventeen years.
If he's getting tortured every single day and has stayed their for almost two decades, how is he still alive? Well, Rousteen made sure he doesn't die from all the torture he's been receiving. He can only die when she dies. The time her heart stops and doesn't feel pain anymore, will be the day he'll be dying too. The pain in her heart is exactly the same pain she's giving him, but through everyday torture and not from longing how she does.
"I can't imagine living my life without you".
So am I, Tesoro. I can't imagine living my life without you, but here I am, living my life without you. But I can't die yet, because you left me with a very precious jewel, and I need to protect him at all cost. Just like how we promised each other.
"I'll love you even if my eyes are close, and even if my I'm no longer breathing".
With that, she finally broke down. This might sound a bit off, but she feels like he is keeping his words. Because everytime she feels sad, she could feel his presence. As if he's there giving her a hug, telling her that everything will be okay, or giving her advices just like how he used to when he was alive. It's just that she couldn't see him nor can she hear him, which pains her more than getting stab.
TO BE CONTINUED...
YOU ARE READING
Total Chaos
Random"Don't waste any energy on torturing yourself, I wouldn't enjoy being jobless". A story where a woman finds herself inlove for the second time with a man who looks exactly like her late lover.
