The Day I Turned Into a Cat (Completed)

Offer: Denied

"Come on," I told the kitten, nudging him, "we're going to get you out of here and find you some food."

I was still pretty spooked by his appearance. I mean, it isn't everyday that you see a half dead, mangled, practically torn to pieces, cat that looks like it would be best for it to go to heaven. In fact, my life was pretty plain when it came to gory stuff. I had a pretty weak stomach since I watch so many horror movies so I tend to stay away from violence and all that shmag.

Oh, if you don't know what "shmag" is, I'll define it for you.

Shmag: A make believe noun which literally can be used for any known, or unknown, word. Often used if you forget what something is called, or want to add onto your sentence.

ie.
Scenario: You may have finish a dish of soup but don't want to offend the cook so you say, "I just finished your awesome bowl of shmag that you made for me." Even though you're thinking, What type of soup is this?

iee.
Or you may say, "This is some shmaged up slang!" Even though you're thinking, Gosh, I really need a new word that will make me sound smarter.

ieee.
Using it in an example of likes, dislikes, or interests, "I love cliche novels and all that shmag."

Shmag, in the ieee. example, strictly means that you are referring to everything in general under that particular topic.

Got it?

Good.

In fact, I challenge you to use the word shmag at least once today. Why? Because it's fun to say! Seriously, try it!

Shmag. Shmag.

Shmaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

Sh. May. G.

Shhhhhhhhhhmag.

Sh ma g.

Shmag. Shmag. Shmag.

See?

Told you so.

"Don't touch me." The kitten hissed silently at me. I guess he finally found the strength to answer my question. He was getting weaker by the moment and I was afraid I was going to loose him. Actually, when he said, "humans," I nearly lost it. I've heard of animal cruelty before, but this was down right scary. I've never seen an animal in such sickly pain that it scared me. I nearly crapped my... Fur?

Sure, let's stick with fur for now. Unless I get some pants, then I'll change it.

Or I could get a new comparison. Yeah, that would probably be easier that buying or stealing cat pants. OMG! I would be a cat-burglar.

I burst out laughing, well, cats can't really laugh so it was somewhere in between a coarse hiss and a choke, but it got the kittens attention.

"You gotta problem, foo?"

Wow, this cat has sass.

"Umm, no? I mean, I just thought of something funny."

"What, my face?"

Dude, this cat has a major problem.

"Err, no. I was thinking about stealing pants and realized I would be a cat-burglar."

It was silent for a moment in the depths of the eerie house and I realized that the rain has started to lessen. It remained quiet until the kitten spoke up again.

"Why pants?"

"This is going to sound really weird, but it's so I can, um, crap them?"

This got his attention. His head shot up slightly and he quizzically looked at me.

"You... Are going to buy, no steal, pants so you can use them as a litter box?"

"Yes?"

"Gosh, I was saved by an idiot."

"Hey now, weather you like it or not, I'm here to save you. So if you would rather I leave you here to die a miserable death, I can."

"No! No! I was just joking. I need help."

"So? Why should I?"

"To help out a fellow friend; One that's your own kind."

"You're not my own ki- I mean, you look like a stray, I'm a Pedigree American Curl cat." I said, catching myself and then dissmissed him with a sassy wave of my paw. The Curl breed was one of the few I knew since I did a project on them in fourth grade. Other than that, I couldn't tell apart a hairless Siamese to a Turkish Angora apart. At least I think they're called that.

"There is no way you're an American Curl. Maybe an American Shorthair. You might even pass for a Manx, but their tails are even shorter yet. What are you, some sort of weird cross between the two? Ha! That would explain the freaky hiss. No wonder you're so stupid! My mom always told me to watch out for those breeds. Dumb as rocks, she'd say."

"Well at least I don't look like three day old road kill. Somebody ought to put a gun to your head and maybe it'll be me!" I screamed in frustration. How could this innocent looking kitten practically kill me with his words? This thing was cruel!

I swished my tail, letting him know that I was not happy nor afraid to show it. I loved the powerful feel as it swished across the ground, sweeping the floor with anticipation and disguise. I flickered my ears back and let my hair puff out. I had actually learnt that quite recently and it was rather fun. I looked like a giant puff ball and I would just stand in front of my mirror, looking at my spiky fur. Hehe, I could be The Fluffy Ball for Halloween.

I sensed a sudden nervousness radiate from the kitten and I stopped my tail. Who knew this fur trick actually worked? Maybe I could become a street fighting cat, my superpower as a Puff Ball! Nah, that doesn't sound very scary.

"Sorry, man. Just not used to people helping me out. Normally they're doing the opposite."

Pity filled my stomach as I listened. Dang it, Rachel. Why are you always stuck between a rock an a hard place? I really need to stop getting myself in pickled situations.

I sighed, got up and paced around for a bit, feeling the creaky tiles underneath my paws. The splintery wood pushed into my pads as I covers ground. Finally, I turned back the the bottom step and sat down a few inches from the kitten.

Now there was wood poking my but.

I scooched around a bit, trying to get more comfortable, probably looking like a dog with worms. Finally, I found a non splintery spot and opened my mouth to talk, "I have thought of a proposition," I began formally," I have a great owner and my owner has a great daughter. They will get you cleaned up and back to normal health. Once you're better, you can choose to stay with the family or go back to the wild. All medicines, food, and care will be provided and you will be loved not just for your stay, but forever. Only one thing is required on your part: you treat them with respect and stop sass talking me."

"That's two things."

Rachel, don't kill the kitten. Don't hurt him because you're mad at him because this arrogant cat can't keep his trap shut. Don't murder him. Don't! I told myself and then pulled my claws back in side my paws. I felt the smooth, rock like surface of them slip back inside their sockets and I continued my speech.

"It's up to you. If you deny my offer, I will leave you here and who knows what will happen. I will help you walk back to my owners house if you accept the offer. You have two minutes to decide."

I waited about three seconds and then he spoke his answer.

"No."

My jaw hit the floor and I stared at the cat. Finally, I closed my trap and began walking away.

"Good bye then."