The Day I Turned Into a Cat (Completed)

Life, Death, and Books

I stared at Zeus, my heart beating so wildly, I was sure it would pop out of my chest and hit him in the face and splatter all my blood all over him and scare him away while my insides were slowly falling out of my body.

Sorry, I tend to think of gory things when I'm in scary situations.

I know you probably think i'm super crazy, but then again, you should be used to my uniqueness by now.

So kitty, how painful do you want your death to be? Slowly? Limb by limb? Or quickly, with a long gash cutting deep inside of you?

How 'bout option C: none of the above?

There never was an option C, Kitty. And there never will be.

This dog was really creeping me out.

I swear, when I convert back to the real me, I'm gonna whip him back into shape real fast.

Wait a second, that made me think of something. What if I'm actually Dexter but I got switched to Rachel? Maybe a cat is my real form.

Whoa, I just think I blew my own mind.

And here I was talking about how my heart was going to explode when really, my mind is being blow up!

See how amazing I am?

Dude, you suck.

Haha, you're right. I'm nothing near amazing. Why, Mr. Conscious, are you always right?

Because unlike you, I am amazing.

But you are me. Therefore, we are either amazing or not.

I choose amazing.

Wait, how'd did I start talking to you when I have an angry dog standing over top of me, smashing my tail with his paw?

I don't know, but it's kind of a cute position.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Conscious.

Think about it. If you were laying like that and say, oh, I don't know, Kyle, was over top of you, then it would be cute.

Well, duh! Kyle can make anything cute! Even nerd glasses and skinnies - two no-no's for guys.

Well, I'll leave you with happy thoughts about Kyle before you die. By now!

Wait, Mr. Conscious, don't go!

Tata, dearie.

Dang it. I was liking that conversation. Who knew my brain could be so interesting. I should start talking to Mr. Conscious more.

I heard Zeus sigh.

Dang, Kitty cat. I thought you died from a panic attack.

Uh, no. Me and Mr. Conscious were having a very nice pep talk about Kyle, thank you very much.

Kitty, you got problems.

Tell me something I don't know. I replied sassily. If I could walk, I'd be sashaying away from him right now with my tail held high.

He bared his teeth at my attitude. I don't think he was very happy with me right now.

Hmm, maybe how I'm going to kill you?

Dang it, I didn't see that one coming.

How about something involving tuna. Yeah, tell me something about tuna!

Tuna?

Yup. My least favorite food in the world.

Well, then. Maybe I just developed a new torture method. He replied, wagging his tail gleefully.

How about "no?" I'm fine being killed quickly. No torturing needs to be involved. 'Sides, they could send you to the pound for mauling a cat.

He looked at me stricken, but with a tinge of anger. How do you know that?

Happened to my sister, I told him lying through my own teeth, our old neighbors dog killed her and the dog got sent to the pound where he was put down. You know what that means, right?

His tail stopped wagging.

I take that as a yes then.

I heard a shuffling of gravel and I assumed it was Zeus prancing nervously, but I soon saw that I was wrong. A headlight beamed from down the road. I figured I had a minute and a half before the driver saw me. All I could do was hope that Zeus wouldn't kill me now and that I'd be good for a while longer.

You think that you could kill me painfully, well you're wrong. Being "put down" is the most torturous thing an animal could be put through.

I knew I was wrong, putting an animal down was the best way to kill it. That way they wouldn't have to suffer anymore and it could die a quick, peaceful death. But, for effect and the sake of my own life, I needed to lay on this act real thick.

You lay there for hours, being eaten on the inside by the poison before it starts sucking up all your blood. It takes the oxygen from your lungs and leaves you gasping for breath as you slowly wither up from lack of fluids. You skin burns and your eyes blur-

I told you I was gory when I was nervous. I looked again for the vehicle. About half a kilometer away.

You can't do anything to stop it. They chain you up to keep you from chewing yourself up from the pain. And then--

"Mommy! Look the doggy and the kitty are wrestling!"

A veichle stopped beside the road and the passenger window rolled down. A man in his early 40's stuck his head out the window and looked at us stricken. He leaned over and started talking to his wife, "Honey, do you think they're, um... Matin-"

"Shh! Not in front of Jessica!"

Her husband turned around sheepishly.

"Should I break them up?" he asked.

The mom studied her nails. "Make it quick. We were supposed to be there three minutes ago."

I watched as the guy hopped out the car and walked towards us. I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life.

"Hey! Scat you crazy animals! Shoo!"

I mentally chuckled. This guy had no idea how to scare animals. He sat there waving his arms while Zeus looked annoyed. Finally the pressure was released from my tail and Zeus sauntered away.

This isn't over kitty, he growled.

That's what I had been afraid of. He started runnnig away and the man happily retreated back to his car.

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I crept through the cat door as quickly as I could. The whole run home I had been paranoid about Zeus, but now I was safe. I scurried up to my room in relief and for the rest of the day, I worked on my book. I typed and typed until I thought my paws were going to fall off from cramping. And even then, I continued to type some more.