The Day I Turned Into a Cat (Completed)

Hospital Farts

Picture is of Lou Ye who plays Charlie Span.
Enjoy!

A doctor came out of the room, his hair a mess and deep bags were spread under his eyes. My mom always told me as a little kid that doctors were very busy people whenever I complained about not seeing one fast enough.

We had been at the Emergency Room for nearly an hour, waiting for Rice and the results. Apparently he was unconscious and might be for a while. They were supposed to run some CAT scans and do some tests, but in the meantime, we were stuck waiting.

So, you may ask. How did two animals and a massage therapist manage to snag seats in a public waiting room?

Well, let's just say that Rice and his family own the hospital. But even though the doctors worked for his dad, they still refused to let him get faster results than anybody else. I was OK with that an all, as it's only fair, but honestly, this was taking forever!

I really had to pee, but I don't think I could just walk into the washroom for two reasons:

1) I was a female in a male cat's body which meant I would have to use the men's washroom and I really didn't want to experience that, if you know what I mean.

2) Charlie's grip on me and Ally was suffocating.

After our initial shock at his words, he pulled out his cell, dialed 911, and threw us in his car. I wanted to ask him a million questions but of course, I couldn't. So instead, Ally and I quietly sat in the back while talking amongst our selves about just what was happening.

Flashback from an hour and half ago:

"What do you think?" I asked Ally. She was sitting on the seat, shaking like a reckless tumbleweed. Not that I blamed her. She had a perfect view of the unconscious, bleeding Rice in the front seat.

"About who? Rice because he's unconscious, you because you threw a paperweight at him, or Charlie because he knows?"

"Um, all of them?"

"Ok. I'm freaked out about Rice, mad at you and scared of Charlie."

Wow. My best friend is really blunt.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but it was a spur of the moment type situation that I hadn't planned on happening. You see, it got knocked over when I jumped up. I didn't purposefully chuck it at him- as stupid as I am, I'm not that much of a idiot."

She wagged her tail. "Yeah. Good point. Listen, as long as he's ok we're good. But you ever lay a paw on MY BOYFRIEND again, and you'll have more than a concussion."

I purred. "And this is why we're best friends."

End of flashback.

After that, we've been sitting here even since. And I've been stuck walking in circles while trying not to think about my extremely full bladder. Sorry, I know you're probably going whoa, Rachel, TMI, but when I got to pee, I might as well tell the whole world in case I don't make it in time so they have a heads up... Which could possibly happen very soon.

Oh, in case you were wondering, TMI means too much information, Ally tells me that... A lot.

Anyhow, let's go back to the real world where the tired looking doctor just came out of the room.

He cleared his throat. "Umm, are you here for Rice?"

Charlie stood up. "Yes siree, we are. I'm Charlie, his dog's massage therapist and this is Nikki, his dog, and his dog's friend, Dexter."

I wasn't sure if the doctor's emotion was shock, amusement, or disbelief that someone was hired full time to massage a dog.

"Er, please to meet you Charlie. You too, Nikki and... Dexter?"

I spun around to look at doc. Let's just say he interrupted my washroom break.

Hey! What can I say? I gave him a warning! I walked away to go to the doctor.

"What? I needed to pee really badly." I tried to say.

He gave me a puzzled look. I could only imagine how he felt looking down at a cat meowing a string of meows.

I heard Charlie chuckle and I hissed at him. That dude had officially made my bad side. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be creeped out by him or relieved or happy, but I was more so confused.

Like why da heck didn't you help us sooner!

And people say animals are stupid.

Humph. I guess I just proved you wrong.

Finally the doctor came out of his confused gaze and he glanced back at Charlie.

"Don't worry. We'll get someone to clean that up. Now if you all could just come with me, I'd be happy to explain his current condition."

He led us to an elevator and we arrived on the top floor. Rounding through some corridors, we came to a private room and stood outside.

"Rice is currently unconscious. He should be for another 24 hours or so, but don't worry. It's not like he's in a comma or anything."

I breathed a big breath of air out and I felt my stomach churn at my gasp. It twisted around and suddenly, I didn't feel so good.

"But the even better news is that he'll only have to have a few stitches."

I sat down, ignoring the squishy feelings my stomach was making.

"The cut looked deep and we pulled some glass out but it wasn't too bad."

I felt a little twang move down my stomach and I twisted around.

"Lets just say it was like a lot of most cases where there was a lot of blood for a not so big injury."

And there it was.

Blurp.

The fart interrupted his speech and Charlie gasped.

Whoa that was a loud fart.

"Dexter!"

"That was the cat?" the doctor asked.

Ok, this was officially awkward.

"Woah," Charlie said. "I didn't know cats could fart like that."

Great. Let's just start talking about how amazing of a farter I am. 'Cause this is just sooo interesting.

The doctor let out a throaty laugh. You should enter him in the Guiness World Book of Records for the loudest animal fart. Maybe you could make a couple of bucks."

Great! Now I was farting for money. This was horible! How did we even start talking about this againg?

Oh right. I farted.

Geesh. Leave it to a couple of guys to turn a hospital visit into a talk about making money from farting cats? How juvinile are these people?

"Yeah, that's a special cat you got there." The doc continued.

"Oh you have no idea." Charlie replied, a wicked smile forming on his face.

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Shorter chapter, but then that means quicker updates! So stayed tuned for tommorows!