Poor Little Rich Boy

Part 11/His pov.

I hate this stupid fucking couch. It was big and expensive,Italian leather and all. But I hated it so damn much,because every time I sat here I had to talk to the person who sat across from me,with his pad and pen,writing down things that I couldn't read about myself.

"You know I get paid by the hour,weather you talk to me or not,right?"
I smile "Honestly I'd prefer that. Just like my psychiatrist. The fucker doesn't care about anything other than giving me my pills."
"Well I care more than just about that,Stefan. Now,will you like to continue?"

I sigh,nodding slowly "I went to her grandfathers funeral."
"Why do you think you did that?"
"I don't know. Someone at the office told me. And I just knew that I had to be there."
"To ease your consciousness,or to make her feel better?"
I frown "It's never about me. It's about her. I knew how she was feeling,and I just had to be there. I had to hold her hand."
"How do you think she felt? About the death,and about you?"

Damn. Meet doctor Anthony Choe.
He was the guy that had to deal with my bullshit for the past two years. He was a nice middle aged guy,who wasn't very fond of my humor at the beginning,but now he tolerates it.

"She's familiar with death. She lost her mom when she was very young,you know. But this probably hurt her. She loved him very much. I think she appreciated me being there," I smile to myself "I know she doesn't want to admit it to herself,but she still has feelings for me. And so do I."

"And do you want to pursuit those feelings? Tell her about them. You were once very fixated on the idea of winning her back."
I sigh "Used to. I don't think after what happened,that we should be together. I hurt her more than I can ever apologize for."
"Does she feel this way?"
"I don't know. Charlie doesn't do feelings. She made that clear a long time ago."

"And yet,she made herself vulnerable when you were leaving,begging for you to stay?"
"Jesus Christ,doc. Fuck." I sit up,getting uncomfortable.

I have that night burned into my brain.
Never will I forget her face,that beautiful face, absolutely heartbroken when I told her that I was leaving.
When I was having nightmares,her teary eyes were the ones that would haunt them.
When I was having panic attacks to the point of where I couldn't breathe,I would hear her voice telling me to stay.

And when I thought about ending my life,I just thought about how she told me that she was in love with me,over and over again while I took those pills.

"I know that that night is a tough subject for you to handle,even more now when you know what Charlie went through. But,you have to forgive yourself eventually,Stefan. Even more so since you didn't want leave in the first place."
"I'm trying."
"You keep going back to Charlie,despite having other partners in your life. What about Chloe?"

"What about Chloe?"
"I thought you liked her."
"I do! That's me trying to move on. Like you said that I should."
"I never said that. I said you should do what you feel will make you happy."
"Well I can't go back to the thing that makes me happy,because I shattered her completely."

A long silence stretches between us,while he writes down in his notebook,making me shift in my seat.
I clear my throat "I like Chloe. I'm happy with Chloe."
"Of course."
"I'm just gonna finish my work with the company,and then move on."
"Of course."

"When you say "of course " in that tone,It makes me feel like you're mocking my decisions."
"I am not using a tone."
"Of course." I mock him,making him smile and shake his head.

***

"No,absolutely not,Gregg. If I didn't approve of it,It's not happening. I don't care what he said,send it to me,and then I'll tell you what happens next." I walk through the restaurant,smiling when I see her as she waves at me.
I place a small kiss on her lips and hug her,before sitting across from her,my phone still in hand.