Longing •Bucky Barnes•

41. It Was You

"Bucky what the hell is going on!" I said jumping up from my seat at the kitchen counter.

He walked in and I could see the dark bags under his eyes and they were quite dark. I'm sure he had a long night, but I had been up every second since I left waiting for him to get back so I could get answers. He looked totally caught off guard by my outburst.

"Valerie please, I've been sleeping in a tank and just spent the last 3 hours getting mentally railed by my therapist." He said holding his hands up and hanging his coat by the door. "At least let me breath for a second."

He walked in the door and shut it behind him and I just pressed my lips together tightly. I watched as he eyed me before going to the kitchen and pouring himself some of the coffee I had made. He turned around to me with mug in hand knocking it back like it was water. We made eye contact and I could tell he was bothered by my uneasiness.

"Val please, you're staring." He said exhaling.

"Every time you have a nightmare and you wake up you try to kill me. What nightmare is causing this?" I asked firmly.

"Valerie, I love you, but I just spent hours getting asked a million questions about this. Can I come home to have some peace? For five minutes." He asked clearly not budging.

I balled up my fists and it was taking everything in me to not yell. I felt horrible for him, I don't imagine this was exactly easy but he had to understand I was worried and needed to know this. He was giving his therapist a hard time so maybe if he could tell me about his dream it could make it easier to tell her. Not only that but I deserved to know. I mean even just know he said he loved me yet I was the one he wanted to hurt most when he got like this.

I turned my back to him and bit my lip. I looked out at the city which was covered in a dark cloud cover. I felt tears leaving my eyes and I held it back as much as I could. I was so tired, I hadn't felt this restless ever since I was in HYDRA's control. Back then I was paranoid and worried for my safety and now most of my waking hours were spent worrying about Bucky.

"Val, doll I'm sorry." I heard him say from behind me and I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jerked it away refusing to look at him. "I'm sorry, okay. It's not easy to talk about."

"I'm worried." I said in a whisper because my voice wouldn't go any louder.

"Val, maybe it's best I figure this out before we talk. I'm still struggling to face the truth myself. I don't want to put that on you." He said from behind me and I just shook my head.

"Bucky, I can't do this every night. I can handle being alone while you're getting help, but I can't handle not knowing what's wrong. I know I can't help the same why Bruce and your therapist can, but I won't have piece of mind until I know what's happening." I said shakily.

"It's just a dream Val." He said desperately.

"So then tell me. If it's just a dream then tell me." I said shaking my head.

"It's going to hurt you more than it's worth." He said and before I could even respond the door opened wide and Morgan and Peter came in.

Peter was carrying her bags and Morgan was big with smiles. She rushed up to me and I quickly wiped my tears away before she could notice. Peter realized things were tense as I picked her up.

"I had so much fun auntie- are you crying?" She asked realizing my face was probably red and swollen along with my red eyes.

"I got something in my eye, tell me about what you and Peter did." I said forcing a smile and I saw Bucky turn away frustratedly.