Perfect Strangers

14

I love windy days, for they make me feel as if I am in a fantasy world where the sun shines and the wind blows strongly upon my hair. It is almost as if when the wind blows strongly enough, the wind blows everything sucks about my life away.

The view from up here is very calming yet I couldn't help it but to zone out. I knew I was zoning out but I was too clouded by my own thoughts. I placed my hands on the railings here in the rooftop and closed my eyes. I was too pre occupied that I didn't even feel the presence of the person beside.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

"What are you doing here, Chifuyu?" I asked as soon as I opened my eyes and looked at the person beside me.

It's been how many days since that day. The day when I saw Sanzu kissing another girl. The day when I was beaten up by my own father. The day when I thought Sanzu was the one who took care of me. It's been how many days already and yet I still have no clue about his whereabouts. He didn't even bother to text or call me. Is he mad? I do remember him calling me that night telling me that he saw me kissed another guy but.. I only did that because I was frustrated and drunk.

"Y/n, this is my place, have you forgotten? You said you wanted to see the pets here in the pet shop but instead you went up here in the rooftop and started sky gazing." He said and sighed.

Oh.. right. Well I wasn't the one who insisted to come here. Kazutora was the one who forced me to go out cause I've been in my room not going out for how many days already. I couldn't say no cause he said he'll take out all of the glow in the dark stars in my ceiling if I didn't go out.

Why am I doing this? I don't know.. I often find myself alone in my find. Lost in my own clouded thoughts. Thoughts that could either mean good or bad. Sometimes I wanted to voice out my thoughts but I couldn't. I just can't...

"Is it because your thinking about the person who beat you up or is it because of this?" Chifuyu pointed out his heart. He sighed when I looked away not giving him an answer. "Either way.. I'm sure the thought of someone special to you is bugging you."

He's not wrong though... I'd be lying if I'd say that 80% of what I'm thinking right now isn't about Sanzu..but.. is he really special to me?..

He placed his arms on the railings and faced me. "Just A friendly advice... If you love him, say it, show it, don't be scared to take the risk."

"Heh. People get hurt in the end taking the risk." I replied letting out a bitter laugh.

Look at me, I haven't even took the risk and yet here I am broken as fuck. I don't even know if I have the right to feel this kind of feelings since we both agreed about the rule 'No strings attached'.

Do I like him already? No.. I don't know.. but.. why does my heart hurt like this the moment I saw him kiss someone that is isn't me?why do I want to grab the hair of that girl and shove it down the floor. The hell am I even saying?!

I heard him sighed. "That's why I'm telling you don't be afraid. If you're confused yet you're hurt, that can only mean one thing..." he moved his head closer to mine, but not that close. "You're in denial of your feelings."

I backed away. "That's bullshit."

"Yeah yeah sure whatever." He shrugged his shoulders then looked down at the cars on the road since were here at the rooftop. "If no one is hurt by your love for them, then there is no reason for you not to be true to how you really feel. Love is a gamble, Y/n. You'll never know the result if you let fear take over you."

"Why do you know so much about love, Chifuyu?"

"I read romance manga, Y/n hahaha."

...

Because of boredom, I decided to clean my condo. I threw out the trashes that can be seen on the floor and on my desk. I wanted to get my mind out of the zone for a minute. Chifuyu's words are still hunting me up until now.

Love is like a gamble, huh? So it's still between win or lose lol.

"Geez why the hell am I thinking about it that much I'm not—

"You're in denial of your feelings."

I slapped my face with both of my hands when I suddenly heard Chifuyu's voice in my head. What the fuckering shit is wrong with me?! Am I really in denial?! Well—now that you mention it.. I wouldn't be this hurt if I really don't have feelings for him, right? Oh god...

Placing my hand on my forehead as I sat on the edge of my bed, I sighed. No joke...I've definitely fallen for that guy...

I've reached for the phone on my desk and dialed his number not thinking if he would actually answer it since he haven't talked to me this past few days. My heart started beating fast when the phone suddenly rang.

About 20 seconds had passed when he picked up the phone. I was breathing heavily.

"Hm? Hello?"

God I miss his voice...

I sighed before laying down on my bed and cuddling with one of my stuffed animals. "Sanzu.." I bit my lower lip cause I couldn't say anything else except his name. I'm too nervous to talk. This is the first time I make the first move dammit!

"Took you long enough to make the first move, sweetheart." I heard him chuckle in the other line.

Silently, I sighed in relief. I thought he would treat me coldly since this past few days we haven't got in touch. I know we are just fuck buddies... and I shouldn't feel this kind of feeling that's why...

"Sanzu I.. I want to quit being your fuck buddy." I shut my eyes. Even if that's the only reason I get to see you..

A silent atmosphere filled us. But a few moments passed when I a glass shatter on the other line. I immediately stood up from the bed in shock.

"Fuck that bullshit Y/n!" He screamed making me pull the phone away from my ear.

"W-Why are you so mad? You can find a-another—"

"DAMMIT! Are you telling me this because I kissed a girl at the bar last time?! Or is it because we haven't get to fuck this past few days?!"

I clenched my fists as the tears I've been trying to stop started to flow down my cheeks. Does he think that I'm that low? Does he think that sex is everything for me? I'm not that kind of a person. I thought I could talk to him nicely today but I guess I was wrong. Sanzu is still Sanzu. He likes everything going on his way.

"If you can give me a fucking acceptable reason then fine. I'll fucking let you go." He said now in a low yet serious tone.

A reason? How can I tell him that my reason is that I'm already falling for him? I wanted to stay even though we only have this kind of set up but.. if this would only lead my heart to a bleeding heart again.. then I'm willing to get out of this deal before it's too late...

I tried to compose my words but I didn't expect it to be this hard. "I.. I—"

"You can't say it cause deep down you don't actually want to abandon this arrangement." I could definitely tell that he's smirking right now. I sighed and closed my eyes. I wanted to tell him that he's right but ha, as if my mouth will allow me. "Sweetheart wait for me at your condo, okay?"