A year to live and die

The help me deal

Ignoring the knock was for the best. I mean it would of course be interesting to open the door but let's face it, who would knock this late? A serial killer, A rapist, A mafia don, a stalker, a psychopath and of course a desperate client. 

Another knock. I placed the cup noodles on the table in the kitchen before I held a knife as a weapon and went to open the door. Ignoring it wasn't a solution even though opening it means suicide. Hiding my right hand, I opened the door. 

The sight of his back was what first met my eyes. He was wearing a white shirt with black jeans. 

"Interesting fact a Chinese man died from lack of sleep when he stayed awake for eleven days watching the European Championship. On the eleventh night, he watched Italy beat Ireland 2–0, took a shower, and fell asleep around five a.m. And died." That deep voice was so familiar to my ear's receptor. 

"No offense to the dead, but soccer is a really stupid thing to stay awake for," I replied solidly. He turned around to face me. I wasn't wrong. The strange guy was standing before me, past midnight. What. The. Fuck? 

He smiled sheepishly as he said, "Past midnight. I didn't think you would answer the door." Well, you should have left on the first knock. 

My eyebrows went straight as I stated, "I know it's knowledgeable but people don't visit past midnight," 

He lured. His heart was seeping blood and his eyes were reflecting that. How much he was annoying, nice takes the best of me. However, I can't let him in, who knows what's his intentions are. 

"Why are you here, strange guy?" I asked with a stern voice. 

"I am here to make a deal with you," he says as he tries to step in but my stretched arms prevent that from happening. Not that easy, strange guy. 

"What is the deal?" I ask before he steps back and tilts his head to the side with raised eyebrows. Yes, what do you want? 

"Can I come in?" He asks. I stare at his eyes for minutes. They were natural brown and nothing more yet it did something in me that I used to feel with my Aidan. He was a  desperate client and fair enough, nothing will happen to me with this knife. 

I nod my head, letting him in. You are imposing your biggest regrets in your life. I am telling you. My inner instinct warned me. 

Once we were seated, I asked, "So what is the deal?" I was fully awake even if the minor headache was attacking my brain. He is annoying but handsome. He is rich but unhappy. He is sitting here but still, his tongue is not moving. What can I do for this strange guy? 

His eyes were travelling the living room more than once."I have insomnia," He says. 

Say what now? The strange guy has insomnia. He can't sleep. Just like me! 

"Really!!" My voice was a little high tuned. He arches his eyebrow, confused for the happiness that blended with my voice all of the sudden. 

I cleared my throat before I rephrased what I said, "oh, Really," I  blended concern in my voice this time. The special ability every human being has; being fake. 

"I don't know where to start but..." He stops as if words were snatched from him right away. I waited on him. 

"Look, Losing my girlfriend was a bombshell for me. I have had insomnia since I was a kid. When I met her, I started sleeping. Working. Everything took its turn." Silence filled the room. 

The funny thing was, he was the first client I have ever related to, this way. I understand how he is feeling. What he is going through. I know this sounds so selfish but if insomnia was my sickness, I would be free. Having nightmares to deal with is a whole other story and you don't want me to start on it. 

His gaze directs at me and I swallow hard. 

"You. The day I met you. You yelled at me, the truth and rocked a stone in me. I have been to a therapist from a therapist to a therapist. I even hired one to take care of me fully but..." Is that possible? 

"But nothing changed. For months I was dry dead. I would go to work and from work to home. I avoided seeing people. I counselled myself with alcohol until I met you. Since then, my insomnia started and to be honest, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said in the restaurant. My point here is, please Sianna help me. I am ready to give everything." 

I was speechless. And of course, I was taking credit for it too. A little bit. I really want to help him. Why? He was so comparable to me. He has lost his girlfriend and I did lose my boyfriend. He can't sleep and I can't sleep. So what's the harm? Still, before I landed on a decision, I had to run by the decision twice. 

"Give me some time to think about it," I ask. He smiles while he stands up and I follow him. 

"Thank you for considering it," He mumbles. I walk him to the door and before he steps out he asks, "Why are you up this late?" 

And that's why I don't want to help him. He is nosy. 

"Uhm...because it's none of your business," I reply. A soft laugh escapes him as he goes out. 

Closing the door, I went to the kitchen. My noodles were soggy by now and eating the first fork, I wanted to puke. Cold noodles are tasteless. Goddammit! Strange guy?!! 

*****
Since the talk with the strange guy, I am lying on my bed and staring at my white painted ceiling. Just like my living room, my room was black and white. I always loved this colour. The black defines my dark world yet the white dot all over the black colour tells how lucky I am. Having the chance to help others is a great feeling to experience every day. 

The minor headache I had when the strange guy was here was still there. It's just developed into a severe headache. I don't know what's up with it. I used to have it back and then before but it stopped for a long while. Now, it's back. Reasons weren't still clarified but I have to solve them as quickly as possible. 

I have been ignoring everyone the whole day. No clients, no nothing, just lying to everyone. If Aidan was here, he would fill this room with soup, coffee and yes, painkillers. Oh, I almost forgot and lilies will be all across the room. He would be sweet and caring. I remember, he was so thoughtful to the point that it irritated me but who am I kidding, I loved it and I miss it. Let's not forget about the hot sex after that. Once I felt well, he would reward me with leg trembling sex and still I managed to stand up and do it again. 

Turning my phone on, it was 7:30 pm. I heard several knocks on my door early in the morning. I stand up and go near my mirror. I took out a frame that consisted of Aidan's photo. I need a little chit chat. 

I hopped on the bed and stared at him. He was handsome to an extent that the first time we met I spilled hot coffee all over me. I was a waitress at the Green's coffee house and he stopped by to have some, which led us to be together. 

I hugged the frame tightly. 

"I miss you, Aidan," I breathe out. Tears are on the verge of rolling down my eyes. When I started this volunteer helping; wouldn't call it therapy because a therapist will never do what I do, I promised not to cry for what I lost and will lose after on. Yeah, life is full of surprises. 

My stomach grumbles and I wouldn't blame it. I have a lack of sleep and a lack of food. This sick and painful body is in need of fuel and I have deprived it of it. 

I got off my bed and went out of my room. I was wearing a blue shirt and matching pants over with a white gown and colourful scarf rolled and wrapped around my head as my hair was in a bun and black faux fur on my feet. I put my phone in my gown pocket before I opened the door to head to the nearest restaurant. As I open the door, unexpected things happened and...confusion rolls in.