A year to live and die

Can't

Aaron's POV

I toss from left to right. 

Why didn’t you tell me? 

I scream as I cover my face with the pillow. I remove it from my face and stare at the ceiling. It’s 2:30 P.M. and all that’s on my mind is her.

 Why didn’t you tell me? 

What does she think? She says we are in a relationship yet she doesn’t behave like it is. I sit up. I rub my hair before I hold tight to the edge. She’s making me crazy. 

I let go of my hair and stand up. I start roaming my room. She knows everything. She was there the whole time. She saw how I was and finally when I built hope, she just went. She just went without even bothering to tell me she was about to risk her life. 

I curl my fingers and uncurl. I again curl my fingers and uncurl. I repeat the process. There is this energy that has been building since that moment I have seen that cut on her neck. And I want to shout, talk, blame, fight with someone, take, radiate this energy. 

I close my eyes and take deep breaths. I shake my head. This is not how you deal with things, I tell myself.
   
I open the door and step out. Suddenly, there is an urge that possesses my body, an urge that’s encouraging me to walk to Sianna’s room, bang on the door, and holds up a fight. And I would be lying if I say I tried to fight it because, without even my acknowledgement, my legs are on their way to her room. 

As I reach her door, I raise my fisted hand but stop when I hear her laughter. And everything goes quiet. That urge, that energy, it’s gone. It’s peace that replaced it. I take a step backwards and I don’t know what to do from here. 

At least, now, I’m sure I am not ready to lose this peace at all. I am screwed. I am so screwed. I know it would be easier if we just talked and I know I can’t without screaming, without holding a fight, and I’m afraid I’m gonna hurt her in a moment of weakness.

I walk downstairs and to the kitchen. I open the upper cabinet and take out a bottle of scotch. I plop on the floor of the kitchen. I raise my hand and open the drawer beside me. Taking out a corkscrew, I open the bottle. I throw back the cork in the drawer and take a long, big, beautiful sip.

I groan as I rest my head back. I rub my eyes before I sigh. I am tired. I am exhausted. And I want to go to bed, but it’s impossible because I went to bed and I couldn’t sleep. I want to go to bed and hug her, I want her beside me. But I am afraid, I am terrified that I am going to lose her, that I am going to lose this peace. I laugh hysterically. 

I know it’s stupid since this relationship initiated with everyone will die eventually. I accept that, what I don’t accept is her going and risking her life. As if no one will get hurt if something happens to her. 

I hear two consecutive mewls and I turn my face to the direction it’s coming from. It’s Ollie. He is standing two feet away from me, crying. I roll my eyes and take a sip before I put the bottle down and call him, “Ollie, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

He wipes his snot with the back of his hand and rubs it on his shirt. That’s when I noticed my expensive Rolex black watch in his other hand. He walks to me and says, “I am sorry. I promise I won’t do it again,” He gives me the watch, then he runs immediately, not giving me a chance to hug him. 

I run behind him and when I reach him, I see Sianna on her knees, hugging him and I listen as he says, “Now you are not mad at me.” 

She pulls as she cups his cheek and replies, “No, I am not. I am not anymore.” He smiles so wide that I’m afraid his face will tear up. He jumps back into her embrace and mortifying enough, I am jealous of this little kid.