A year to live and die

Promise

Standing on the rooftop of my apartment building, my elbows resting on the ledge, I am peering down at the street of New York, and I can’t help but think about suicide.

Not my own. Aaron’s. 

Sometimes when I think of his love for Mia and his theory of a year to die, I doubt my love for Aidan. I am sure they were crazy about each other, or he wouldn’t stick to the thought of ending his life. It makes me question if Aidan and I were in love for real. I am trying to move on, and it’s okay to have feelings for Aaron or any other man. It's what will come after developing feelings, especially with Aaron. I feel like he is using me to move on from Mia, and that's the problem. I am not supposed to feel anything towards him or that I might be a rebound. 

After all, with Aaron, I can't dream of a life of peace and safety. I can't imagine love, marriage, house, children, and more with him. Who knows when and how he will leave me! I always ask myself if I can change the way he thinks? Does he feel the same way I do when he’s around? Would we ever go beyond what we are right now? And what are we indeed? I don’t know. Perhaps if I study his mind and get to know him better, I may be able to help him. But is he worth the risk? I guess I have to find out. 

I was wearing my long white nightgown. I didn’t account for how cold it would be up here, though. It’s not unbearable, but it’s not comfortable either. At least I can see the stars. Aidan and Aaron, as well as the exasperating and questionable emotions, don’t feel so awful when the night sky is clear enough to feel the grandeur of the universe literally. I love it when the sky makes me feel insignificant. Just like tonight. 

Aaron. 

As my heart beats with his name, my phone vibrates in my hand. I don’t even need to see the text to know who it is. It’s past 8, and I know I said I wouldn’t go out with him, but now, I am having second thoughts about it. 

Sia, open the door. 
Please!
I will wait anyway.
Feeling cold.
I need you to feel warm. 
SIANNA.

I left it on seen.

Once I go out of the back door of the building, I take a turn to head towards my apartment. I see him standing there, and his arms are crossed over his chest. What jolted me was his clothes. He’s wearing nightwear. Red pajamas. Is he for real? 

What are you wearing for tonight’s date?

I slid my phone back into my gown’s pocket and watched him from behind as he read my text. A wide smile appeared on his face, and my stomach fluttered. He swiveled his head in my direction, and I immediately hid away behind the building.

Something that will match your outfit.

I giggled as I leaned on my side at the wall, texting him back. 

From what I know about you, I guess you are wearing red PJs.
Tho, you look cute and sexy. 

Where are you?

At a place, you are not. 
Possibly in your head.

I wait for his text and hold the phone close to my chest with my eyes closed. This is so different. Everything around me feels so... comfortable. The air, the sky… EVERYTHING. It seems warm, lovely. 

He is affecting me badly. 

“Psst.” 

I hear the sound from behind me and turn around as my phone buzzes. He is standing in front of me, smirking. The excitement I was feeling prompted my legs to wobble of their own accord. Holding his gaze, I unlock my phone.