A year to live and die

Frames from two years ago

Sianna’s POV

As we step into the house, Ollie runs to the kitchen, rejoicing, “Ms. Jons, Ms. Jons!” 

“Be careful,” I yell behind him as I place the shopping bags on the couch. I take off my beige blazer before I head to the kitchen when I meet midway with Ms.Jones and Ollie whose pouting now. 

“Lunch is ready if you want to eat,” Ms.Jones says, her eyebrows drawn together while Ollie is pulling her hand as he whines, “Let’s go,”    

I smile as I nod. “Thank you,” I reply as I resume my path. I open the fridge and take out a beer. I put it down on the cupboard island. My hands go through my hair before they land on my neck which I arch back as I breathe loudly. I turn around and lean back against the cupboard. I take out my phone from my pocket as I tuck my hair behind my ear. I switch my phone with every hope I have for a message or at least a missed call but there is nothing. He didn’t text or call me and it’s past afternoon. 

I close my eyes as I bite my lip. I think it’s official. Aaron and I. We are broken.  

“He's really happy,” As I hear her voice, I open my eyes, and a tear rolls down. I straighten myself and wipe my tear as I turn, open the drawer and get the opener. 

I firmly grasp the bottle with my free hand and twist the corkscrew clockwise on the cap gently. “Didn’t do much. He is just behaving like a kid,”  

“You bought him clothes, toys, and everything a kid needs, why wouldn’t he behave like one.” she crowed.

Once I get the bottle open, I take a big gulp

"He’s been here only four days and you’re already taking care of him,” she murmurs. “He’s one lucky kid. Mr. Hernandez is going to be ravished,” 

I turn to leave but my legs stop walking when she says, “He asked me about you,” 

I look at her, “Really?” I raise my eyebrows. 

“Ahm,” she puts the dishes in the dishwasher before she meets my eyes. “ I told him you left early morning with Oliver. He asked whether you had eaten or not, I told him you drank a cup of coffee as Oliver ate and then he left,” 

I nod. I resume my walk when again she says, “Although, he didn’t look fine.” This time I don’t turn. 

“There were bags under his eyes, he looked weary. I don’t even think he went to work as Paul didn’t drive him,” she adds. 

I take several steps to the living room to check on Oliver. He is watching tom and jerry with his new batman toy in his hands. I walk to the stairs and as I step on the stair I hear him laugh and I smile. At least, somebody in this house is happy.   

I take two stairs at once and stride to my room. As I enter, I close the door and sit on my bed. I grab my phone and text him. 

Hi.

I lay down and put my phone on the nightstand. 

I think there is hope after all. I have never broken up with anyone nor has anyone broken up with me since the guys in my life were limited, however, I don’t want this break up to be my first break up. I don’t think I would ever recover from it. 

It’s funny how it went from “I love you” to “I can’t” in just like a snap. I pick Aidan’s frame from the nightstand. 

I caress the photo. “I spent a lot of your money today,” I say. 

Today when I spent the money my heart didn’t shudder like any other time it did. I don’t know why and I can’t explain. I know this money is technically mine but it doesn’t feel like it is so I came short of spending this money. I would limit my day money to only coffee beans and even if I want anything else it would be transferred for another day or one day off of my money list and it would never be bought. Nevertheless, today was a completely new me spending the money. Aside from Ollie’s shopping, I got myself a Starbucks. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t preparing myself for that underlying guilt to come and drown me but it wasn’t there and I wonder why.