The unexpected love

Chapter 18 : the guilt

" God , what the fuck is going on with me right me ? OH GOD , I don't fucking know . I thought I just want to take old man's advice and squeeze lemons on Garrett's eyes so I just squeezed them on mine . Like I'm not hurting Garrett , I'm hurting my fucking self too . Fuck . So what can I do now " she thought while closing the door of her apartment . Then she went to the terrace taking a glass of wine and said talking to herself loudly  " I'm a fucking bastard . I'm hurting everyone around me . See Emily , you spent  many years thinking about Garrett ' . What he was doing ? , what he was eating ? Who he was dating ? Was he happy or not ? Did he continue being the bad boy of the high school ? Did he love you ? And especially why did he break up with you without saying a fucking word ? ' so many questions . And now i screwed  your life and his . Why do i decide just now to take revenge ? " She shruged " Yes , it was all his fault . Like , for fuck's sake , why did he scream at me . Why did he change a lot ? . GOD " She kept thinking " But i i need to decide whether to stay with Ryle and be happy with this amazing boy or tell him the truth about my past with Garrett then I think he will decide if he wants to marry a liar or break up with me , i think i need to fuck off and live like a normal human . I need to ask Garrett so honestly "why did you fucking go without telling me any fucking thing ?  " She touched her hair " Ok . Let's be realistic . Do i imagine a future with Ryle ? . I know that he didn't say anything about marriage . Bur Garrett was right ' what am i doing ? '. A very complicated question . Like i'm twenty seven now . There is no time for draging and hanging out for fun . We are not teenagers anymore . And i need to be with the right person . GOD . I really like Ryle . Really . BUT ... . Yes , there is always a but . But , i don't see him in my future . I don't imagine him the father of my children . I think we are having a good time . He's funny , attractive , he likes me . Don't get me wrong " She stayed silent for a second " GOD , who am i talking to ? . Okay , it doesn't matter . So , i like Ryle . But love Garrett " She covered her mouth with her hand " GOSH . I admit it to myself out loud . God , i want to freaking die . But i want to be honest with myself this time . Ryle is lovely , i like him because he's funny But Garrett is something more . I can't describe it  . Like , Garrett , i can look at his face for two , three , four hours even a day or two and not be bored . I can do everthing , everything just to see him once a day even break up with my boyfriend to continue working for him . I love when he scowls , when he talks , when he looks at me . I think what i'm doing is stupid . Isn't it ?. My brain is telling me to fuck off and quit and accept the offer of Ryle and my heart is telling me to stay and work for Garrett and it doesn't matter if he screams at you or scowls at you . But i can't decide now . I think i'm gonna go to Garrett's office first thing in the morning and ask him politely " Why did you fucking move without telling me years ago " But Emily this time , you're gonna collect my courage and talk to him . This time , there is no coming back . I can't hurt Ryle or myself anymore " She sighed " Ohhh . Yes girl , that's the solution to my fucking problems . I'm fucking ready to hear it of him , even if I know that this truth will hurt either me or someone that I love most in the world -Ryle - . But I can't live another day without knowing this fucking truth " then she fall to the ground , crying loudly . She remembered her past with Garrett , the very beautiful moments and big laughs . She remembered that he had a sense of humor in the past , that he was funny , hilarious and silly . What the hell happened to him ? Why did he fucking change ? And a lot of those questions that she didn't have answers to them but still so curious to know their answers . She remembered their favorite song " If I could fly " and went to the living room to grab her phone and listen to it . Then she just slept wearing her work clothes on the couch .

' Sorry , I'm late , I have to go to work , I can't give you a ride, I'm really sorry .'

A message came from Ryle . 

She wake up for the message's sound . And she was late too , but she had no energy to stood up and go to work . " He has every right to avoid me but today I'm going to decide . Today is the big day . Come on Emily . Come up . Today I will know the truth . But what if Garrett won't tell me . So I will just annoy him until he does . GOD , I'm so afraid . Ohhh , GOD help me " she thought , then grab her phone and type  " i know i hurt you last night but i need to tell you a very important thing tonight . Come to my place by eight pm . I will cook you dinner ( with a smiley emoji ) "

After some seconds , he send an "ok"

So when Ryle didn't want to grab her , she called a taxi because her car was in the parking lot of the company . When she arrived , she got in . Mr , Aspen as usual was cleaning . She greeted him and said smiling " This is going to be a big day . I feel it "

" You're going to ask him ? "

" How did you know ? " She asked raising her eyebrows

" I have my little detective things , young lady "

" You're impressing me day by day , Mr . Sherlock holmes "

He stopped cleaning and looked at her. He seemed so concerned  " Don't screw your chances of happiness . Don't you ever do something you're gonna regret in the past . And don't be sad to make people happy "

She hold her tears hardly then tap his shoulders " Thank you . Even though we aren't in the same age , you are a very helpful friend . Thank you , old detective .

he smiled and kept cleaning " You're welcome  "

 " Have a nice day "

" You too "

She was afraid now because she didn't have the audacity to stand in front of Garrett and tell him " why did you left me ? " after all these years becuase maybe he would laugh at her or just get angry and scream at her again . But she had no fucking choice , if she didn't talk to him that time , she would never do it another time . And she will not know the Fucking reason of his anger toward her . So it's now or never . She knocked the door because his assistant wasn't there then she got in . He was sitting on his chair , wearing the white shirt , a little bit tight so it reveals the abs  - So attractive - , he was more handsome than she have ever saw him . She thought that he would be angry or upset because of last time but this time not at all . He was even smiling at her . He said casually " Come on Emily . Sit please . I was going to come to talk to you "

" Garrett would never talk to me if it wasn't an important thing . i'm pretty sure something is cooking . And GOD knows what it is . I hope it is good for all of us . Okay , i think he is gonna expire me because of last night  " she thought

And he continued " You know that we are  professional persons . At least , i am " 

She thought " Okay , even if he is talking nicely , he always say something that ruins all of it "

 he continued " I thought so much last night And i think that neither your relationship with Ryle or last night's fight will change anything ."

She frowned " I know that . I didn't think for a second that you will expire me because of the fight with your brother that obviously was my fault . I'm professional too . Don't worry "

" I'm not . And I thought of all the things that he could do after the fight " She thought 

He nodded " i'm happy to hear that " He was smiling but there was something wrong . Something bad must have happened to him . he seemed so sad . Not as usual . He continued " Yeah . ... So bassically , like i said , nothing will change and if you're willing to continue working with us , i will very glad ." 

She interrupted him " Yeah . About that " He frowned " I didn't decide yet and i want to ask you something "

 He said quickly " No . Not now " He stood up "  We need to go to New York . And don't tell me any excuses . You're the only computer engineer in the company and we have a problem there the only one who could solve it . So , we need to go to New York , probably for a few days . So pack your things . We don't have a lot of time . We will meet in front of the company door in two hours . Like I said I don't accept any accuses . Try to be quick . We need to be there by night  "

" What the hell in universe " she said opening her mouth wildly

She winced " Sorry . But it's so sudden . And i want an answer to my question first "

" I don't have time for it . I need to go . Try to arrive in time " 

He weent out of his office . Lefting her astonished .