Soul of a Wolf

LOVE COMES WITH FEAR ?

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

ALEEN’S POV:

Have you ever had the urge to smack some one to make them talk? Well... I'm itching to do just that! ‘just count to ten Aleen. Everything is fine. EVERYTHING is F.I.N.E’ I keep chanting in my head to keep irritating thoughts like... the facility attacking us , pack not approving me, HIM not approving me. WAIT! Is he going to break up with me!  FUCK! Positive thoughts Aleen. Positive thoughts! Trust your love. Trust him...

“ I'm so sorry, Ell...” As the words leave Xander’s mouth, my heart drops to a new level and darkness starts to envelop me.  ‘ This is it, Aleen! That’s all you get. You don’t deserve love. You are nothing but a burden. ’ the darkness whispers in its menacing voice as it wraps its cold blanket around me. Cold! So cold... I’m jerked awake by my shoulder. “Are you okay?” Xander asks, his eye brows are knitted together.

“I'm... I’m fine.”  I can feel goosebumps all over my body. Chills coming in waves. “You don’t look fine to me. Are you cold?” He moves closer and drapes his arms around me, trying to warm me. Unfortunately, my muscles were too tensed to acknowledge the sweet gesture. The only thing eco through my mind is two words ' you're a disappointment' “Are you disappointed with me, Xander?”

“ What!! No... What are you talking about?”

“Then why are you sorry?” My voice is so low that it can be considered whispering.

“I'm sorry because... because I just assumed that you will be okay to officially meet my pack on the first day. Out of my own excitement I forgot to consider your opinion. So, I'm sorry. Do you want to meet my pack today?”

My heart was relived but my brain still needed time to process. “ you are sorry...because you thought that I may not be okay to meet everyone... today?”

I repeat his words as my brain processes it. He just slowly nods .Taking in a much needed breath I try to sooth my nerves. ‘ He was just concerned about your opinion... and you thought he would dump you. Dumb bitch!’

“ What the fuck!” Xander  screeches as he looks at me with pure disbelief.

“ I said that aloud !?” now I screeched.

“ Yeah , you dumb bitch!” He mimics me.

“ Hey!” I protest.

“Don’t ‘ hey!’ me. How the hell did you think that I would dump you?” It’s not like I don’t have the answer for that. I just can’t say it. “ Ell... you know you can tell me anything. Have I made you doubtful about what we have...” He can’t blame himself. He can’t...

“ No, Xander! It’s not you. I am the one with problems.  I am the one forcing you to be with a person like me. A person with baggage,  a person who can’t control her episodes...” my voice quivers. Damn it! I start to crack my knuckles. It always worked as a temporary relief system for me. Xander gently picks me up. Placing me on his lap, he hugs me, softly asking, “ can you tell me something?” I simply nod. The way his warmth and scent cocoons me, makes me wish the time would stop. “ how do you feel?”

“ I’m having chills but it’s slowing down now.” I mumble.  I really hate my episodes... absolutely hate it. “ Ironically I never know what triggers me . I just suffer.” Xander slowly rubs my arms and back, “ Did you get stuck in the dark zone you told me about earlier?”

“ I was going to but you somehow pulled me through.” I smile at him, “ It was just some self loathing this time...”  He lies back a little so I’m kind of lying on him. He supports my back and thighs so I don’t fall . “ Tell me...” He whispers. I search his eyes to see if he wants to know. There isn't a spec of doubt in those grey blue eyes. Taking in a deep breath I begin...

“ I don’t deserve love and whoever I loved... always left me because I’m a burden.”  It aches to say the words aloud.

“ Who told you those words, Ell? Because I’m sure those aren’t your words. You are just getting haunted by them.” I just stiffen.  He wasn’t wrong. “My grandmother...” This time Xander stiffens. Like many other times it dawns on me that the bitch was still ruining my life, “ Fucking Delia Bran Roberts...” My whole being cringes at that women's reminiscence. A knock comes from the door along with Ezra’s voice,
“ It’s almost lunchtime. You guys can come down.”

“ In a moment, Ezra. Let everyone have lunch, we will join.” Xander bellows while Ezra agrees and walks away.

           He sits up and looks at me, “ Ell... I don’t know how much you went through but I can tell you one thing. You are Never a burden. Do you think Erik, Massimo, Han will ever let you suffer by yourself. I may not have seen you at your worst but they sure have. Yet they still love you...”

“ I know , I know they love me. I know how much YOU care for me. I hate it when it happens. It’s like I know the truth but I’m forced not to believe it." My heart is beating so fast that I can almost hear it. "You know what really scars me Xan... The possibility of getting rejected. I’m afraid that one day... you will be done with me just like my parents were. And if that happens I don’t think I will be able to hold myself this time. I love you but I’m scared. I am scared because Whomever I love suffers. More importantly they don’t suffer for random reasons,  they suffer because of me. Because of me...” As I look up , I realise that I’m standing in front of the granite desk, gripping the edges. My chest is heaving. Turning my head, I found Xander slowly coming towards me. There is a weird calmness on his face. It's kind of weird? He cups my face.

“ I love you too.” He whispers.

“ HUH?”

“ Will you please rewind what you said just now? Specifically last 3 lines.”

XANDER’S POV:

Her whole face turns into crimson as she realise that she just confessed her love to me. Yeah... it just spilled out with some other thoughts but it’s far better then anything. I prefer point blank honesty over some nonchalant well revised words. I don’t care if she confessed to me during her episode because I know it’s what she truly feels and I am over cloud nine with happiness. So I just do what my heart tells me to do. Placing her on the desk I crash my lips on her’s. Our lips move to a slow rhythm. Cherishing every second, every feeling.

“ I love you, Xander...” she looks straight into my eyes. I pull her to me, Wanting to have every inch of her pressed to me. She continues, “ I love you so much that I’m afraid to even think about my life without you.  From the very beginning you have been so patient with me,  so patient for us... Despite knowing how damaged I am, you still cherish me. You held on and reached my soul.” Her eyes glisten over, “ I always believed that I can’t be loved But then my mate came, you came.”

“ I love you more than anything Aleena. When I was rotting at that facility, you came to me. You made me hold on to my vision. You showed me what true strength is. Through you I have found my other half.  My anchor. My love...”  Ell kisses me on the cheek.

“ Though it was the shittiest way to convey love to someone ...
I fucking love you Xander Hale!”

“ I love you too my sexy, goofy, lovely  strong,  innocent mate. I know,  you have faced everything on your own, sweetheart and now I will be right with you at every step you take.” I rub my nose on her's. Her whole face is beaming with contentment. “ You are stuck with me for good,  miss Aleena Roberts.”

“ That’s a mutual understanding,  Mr. Xander Hale. And I don’t plan on backing down on it .” Winking at me she jumps off the table and dusts her clothes. She takes my hand and starts to leave the office, “ Let’s go Alpha. We have a pack to impress....”

" After you, My Luna..."