Soul of a Wolf

I LOVE HIM

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

ALLEN'S POV:

When we returned to our room it was already past 2 am. But I was far from feeling sleepy. So much to thinks about.  So many puzzles to piece together. Why would they leave so much clue behind. Then again who would have thought there was a facility. They have so much support behind them. I know I am picking a big fight but there is always this feeling that I need to put an end to them. I can’t tolerate the fact that innocent people are being harmed just because their genetics are different.

             I feel Xan tightening his grip around my torso from behind. “Sleep sweetness...” he whispers in my ear which sends shivers down my spine. I can’t help these reactions that Xan pulls out of me. It’s been a few weeks since Xan and I shear a bed. Honestly, I am thankful that he slipped in my bed that night. I like the way he holds me, the way his warmth cocoons  me. Most of all, I absolutely love our cuddle sessions. I turn around to face him, “too anxious, can’t sleep. Where do you think they moved to?” I ask but get light kisses on my neck. “Hey! I’m serious!” but I only hear a light hmm. “ouch!” I gasp as he sucks too hard on my neck. I get up. “ok, handsome.  Why so smoochi?”

         Xan pushes me down so he is hovering over me. He leans down and kisses me passionately. God, no way I can resist this. He brings out a new side in me. Though I am afraid of us breaking apart but I want to take the risk and surrender to him. His gorgeous eyes staring at mine as we both pant from our kiss. A few strands of hair falls on his forehead. So handsome!

        “You want to see me run my pack.” I can’t help but smile at the thought of it. I brush the hair from his forehead “Yes!” He grins from ear to ear and again leans down kissing me. He lightly tugs my lower lip asking for entrance. My hands movie to his neck as I slightly open for him. His lips dip in my mouth slowly exploring every inch.  My hands instantly go in his hair and grip them. I can feel his erection on my abdomen. I shudder imagining how it would feel inside me. That itself makes my back arch and press his cock.  Moans escape my lips followed by low growling from Xan. He is making me so wet down there. Xan stops kissing me and slowly pulls back. He takes my arms and kisses my palms coming down towards my neck. Placing feather kisses he trails down to my chest. He looks at me while nibbling the first button of my cotton shirt, asking me for my permission. My heart is beating so fast that I’m hearing it. I have never let anyone come close to the point were I am right now with Xan but I don’t want to stop. I need him. I need to be with him so I agree. I close my eye and wait for Xan. I feel a light peck on the lips.
            “ No sweetheart. Keep your eyes open. I want you to look at me.” His voice is coated with lust. “ That’s it sweetness... keep those beautiful eyes open.” His deep voice making my pussy wetter then ever. One but one he opens the buttons kissing the skin it reveals. He pulls my upper body up and takes off the shirt full revealing my upper body. I never wear a bra while going to sleep and now I was thankful for that habit. Xan’s eyes are swirling with lust as he mumbles my name. He gently presses his warm palms on my stomach caressing it in an up and down motion. “ So soft...” his hands travel to my sides, “ You are so beautiful Ell. So beautiful.” His lips are parted, panting. His hands are fiery trail behind. Rubbing the underside of my breasts he gently cups my boobs. Shockwave goes through my body. No one has ever touched me like this. Bending down he takes one of them in his mouth, licking and suckling it. I mewl. I became a moaning mess as he took his sweet time on each of my boobs. When he nipped at my pelvic bone I lost it.

        I need to touch him, pleasure him became unbearable.  Pushing his broad shoulder I flipped him and kissed his forehead, his eyelids, cheeks, lips, tip of the nose then sliding down to his perfect Adam’s apple, his neck. I wanted to mark him . Giving his earlobe a nice tug I sucked on the skin where his neck and shoulder met. Xan shuttered as he groaned. I took the opportunity to take off his shirt. I almost drooled looking at his broad chest and well defined abs. From the middle of his chest I kiss down to his gorgeous packs, tracing the deeps with links and kisses. I notice a scar stretched to the under of his rib cage. Three more deep lines of scar tissue at each side of it can be seen a little before the longest one’s middle. These are so deep... he obviously bleed a lot. The thought made me anxious. I cote it with kisses. Xan’s hands were balling the sheets. His chest is rising and falling very fast. And oh my God! He was rocking a huge tent.  Ouch! It must be painful. Should I do something. I knew how you are supposed to give someone head but I have never done it. The size made me want to clamp my thighs. He growls and pulls me to his chest. His heart was pounding just like mine.

   “Baby, I won’t be able to hold back if you keep looking at me like that.....” he says while panting. I felt the same. But I wasn’t sure about going all the way. I am not prepared for it yet and damn it! I feel like a piece of shit. He pulls my face at the crook of his neck. “I’m don’t know why I...” I couldn’t complete. “Baby, I am happy to wait for you as long as you need. I want our first time to be special.  I want you to hold on to me while I make love to you. I to feel you in every fibber of my whole being....”

“Xan!” I breathed out.

“ I will make this sweet body of yours cum until you beg me to stop.” He nibbles the outline of my ear as he whispers. “ you hear me kitten? That day I will make you scream with pleasure. I will hold you, I will fuck you.” I moan out as he squeezes my ass over my shorts. From the intensity of his words I knew he will do all of those. I wanted his. I needed him to do them to me. But can I allow myself? Should I allow myself?

   I shudder as he slowly carcasses down from the middle of my shoulder blades to my lower back.

“I can’t wait for that day to come sweetness. You and I both know that the only way for it to happen is for you to let me in. I know life threw a lot at you. I know you have your own struggles. I just don’t know specifically what.”
                Sliding down I lay beside him. “ I am not proud to talk about it Xan. Its just...too much to describe.”

“ I am not asking you to tell me everything right now. Just talk to me about it however you feel comfortable.”

“ To be honest with, sometimes I feel like I will be lost in my darkness. But the thought of shearing it has always been a taboo. On the other hand I feel like it fuels me, you know. I just sounded like a moron right now.”

      “ No you are not. There are many people who has their own deepest darkest secrets. But sadly the more we keep it the more it kills us. And your trauma doesn’t fuel you. It’s your will to stay strong fuels you, sweetness.” His eyes held nothing but honesty in them.

“ Tell me what are you truly afraid of Ell.” What I am afraid of...

“ getting sucked in the zone. I am terrified of it.”

“ Tell me about it.” I can’t help but sigh

“ Well... its like cluster of all of my bad memories, traumas, insecurities. When something triggers it just sucks me in. I hate it so much. I feel trapped and helpless. What’s fucking irritating is that I don’t know what acts like the trigger. It’s so frustrating. One moment I’m eating , laughing in the next I just shut down and relive everything in my head.” I throat feel chocked.

      “ Shh... you are okay. Calm down... I will help you alright...” He pulls me close to him and I bury my face in his chest. His scent calming me down. He rubs my back in circles, “ you are so brave, Ell and yet sweetly innocent.” He kept mumbling sweet nothings and lured me to sleep.

At that moment every cloud that hid my true feelings for this magnificent man cleared.  I loved Xander.  He destroyed the walls I built around my heart with the bricks of pain, hurt, regret. He hasn’t shown me pity even though I am broken. This man gives me faith that I can overcome my fear. He gives me the warmth I longed for my whole life. I love his cuteness, his protective nature. His strength, how he values life. I love him. I love Xander.  I have hopelessly fallen in love with him. Now I have more planning to do. A new and very important plan: Telling Xan that I love him. After all,  my lycan mate deserves a special confession.