Jily One Shots

Regrets

Her voice echoes around my head back and forth. "No!" She said again and again. I ball up my fists to control the urge to  scratch and slap myself. 

She said no and I didn't stop. 

I may genuinely respect her but none of my actions show that. Who am I? 

Someone who would not respect her choices and write off the disrespect as jokes. Someone who would take out his anger on Severus because she, once, looked at him with kindness and lost it. No wonder Lily never even gave me a chance. 

But how can I go back now? Our "friendship," if you can even call it that, is defined by my disrespect so if I change now what will happen? I can't even imagine looking her in the eyes again. 

What does she see when she looks at me? A jerk? A bully? 

Does she know that when I see her I see her intelligence, in books and emotions, twisting and turning in such wondrous ways? Does she know that I would lay down my life to protect her? Does she know I really love her? 

I love her. Oh god, how did I let that happen? 

I am running now around the grounds of the castle. Sprinting to burn this hatred that is burning in my chest. I run and run and run until my thoughts have fallen behind and it is just me and my feet slamming against the grass. 

With a lurch, I collapse on the ground and my face slams in the dirt. 

"James?" 

No, no it can't be her. I can't do it. 

"James! Are you okay? You were going so fast." 

I turn my dirt caked, tear stained face away from her but she grabs my arm in protest. 

"James, are you okay?" 

Finally I meet her eyes, as green as the grass on the hill, staring with such concern and I can't help but sob once more. 

"I am sorry," I croak. "I am sorry I don't listen when you say no. I respect you. I respect you. You are not a joke and I need to stop." It comes out like a breath, fast and relieving me somewhat. 

"Thank you for saying that," she speaks slowly. I wipe my face a bit. She holds out her hand, "Let's walk back to the common room together." 

"Thank you," I breathed. Thank you.