Heartbeat || •PJM• ✔️

Heartbeat

~Two Weeks Later~

Why is this so God damn hard?

It's been well over a month but you're still not over Jimin. Granted it was a long relationship, but the feelings haven't even so much as faded a little bit. It's like they're in your brain at all hours of the day. The thoughts your brain gives you are starting to actually hurt. You can't pay attention in class anymore. When you're studying with Jin and Namjoon you can't focus. At work you've been fired almost three times for being so forgetful and spacing out so much. All because of Park Jimin.

Thank God you don't have classes together this year, otherwise you would have shot yourself by now. This is insane. Like - actually insane. Trying to pay attention right now is impossible. You even brought your goal book along to try and help but all your thoughts are a jumbled mess. That's all they ever are anymore. Fucking hell, why can't this be easy?

Despite your best efforts, class flies by and you don't learn anything. You find yourself walking into the library only five minutes after class. Time to study even a little bit. To your surprise - Jin's here. He's sitting in his normal spot by the window... alone.

You go over and plop down in front of him. He jumps, "Y/N? What are you doing here?" Strange, he almost looks... worried. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? I never see you here this early." "You come here often?" Jin asks. "Jin, I can't tell if that's a serious question or if you're trying to be funny." "It's a serious question!" he hisses, "do you really come here often in the mornings?" "I try to, I have an hour in between my first and second class after all. If I can't focus in class... maybe I can focus here."

Jin's eyes seem to be wandering all over the place, you letting out a small chuckle. "Meeting someone?" "I um... yeah, Chae," he stutters, but it feels like a lie. Regardless, he doesn't give you the chance to press. "You said you can't focus? Why not?" he inquires.

"Can I be honest?" you start. He instantly nods. "Are you sure? I don't want to take up your time when Chae's coming." "No no, she shouldn't be here for another five minutes. Go ahead." You sigh, not truly believing him, but you spill anyway. "It's Jimin. I can't stop thinking about him." "Do you still love him?" "I can never truly stop loving him Jin. He was in so much pain and... I can't help but think I didn't help with that. I could've tried harder... he seemed depressed and all I cared about was how he was partying rather than why he was partying."

"Stop pinning it on yourself." You go still, Jin sheepishly smiling. So... you were right. Chae wasn't the one he was meeting. You slowly turn and see Jimin standing right behind you, sympathy in his eyes. "It wasn't your fault. Seriously, don't blame yourself. I was an ass and you had every right to look out for yourself. I couldn't ask for help, that's on me, not you," he softly explains.

"Should I give you two a minute?" Jin asks. "No... I'm leaving," you announce, standing. "Why are you two meeting anyway?" "I uh..." Jimin stammers. "It's about me, isn't it?" He sadly nods. Jimin steps closer, being careful not to come too close though. "I want you, Y/N. I don't know what I can say to get you, but I... I need you. I love you." You fight back your tears as he sniffles, fighting back his as well.

"I'm not sorry for wanting you again, because I know you want me too. But... I also know you need me to prove that I won't hurt you again. I can't prove that with words. I can only show you how much better I'm doing, how I won't party this year again, and if I party next year I'll do it only once or twice."

"Jimin..." you whisper, "it's your life. If you want to party, party. Don't hold back because you want to prove something to me. I want you to be your own person." "I'm not just doing it for you. I'm doing it for me too. I need help, I know that. I got help. Everything is looking much better in my heart now except for one thing. A massive piece of my heart is missing... and it's you." He pauses to dryly chuckle, "Y/N, without you my heartbeat will never be the same. I know I'm in no position to ask for you back but... please..."