AMAANI COMPLETE ✔️

'7

"Assalamualaikum"we said in unison.

"Walaikumusalam"ya Maimuna said while opening the door"kai I missed you two wallahi,is today your coming ko?i could here the excitement in her voice.

"Come in"she ushered us in"where's Daddy,Habiba and ya Abakar?

"Dad and Habiba went out together,he dropped her at school and headed to work and abakar went to the office too a while ago.

"And Hajia mum?

"Let me get her"

"Mummy Zulaiha And Amaani are here"I will be there in a second. Mummy said.

"Welcome home my daughters,how have you been?

"Fine alhamdulillah"we said in unison.

"To my surprise why is she acting as if nothing happened,came my inner conscious.

"You girls didn't even call me,even you Amaani,you can't even call me,it's been ages"

"Tooh mummy I didn't call you,you could have called me at least,and hear if maybe something happened ko?"I said each word with respect as I remembered all the things Mama told me.

"Tooh ai is okay,zuzu how's my grand kids"they  are fine oo,they went to visit Hajia Asma'u"

"Okay mashallah"

"I'm still mad at you Amaani wllhi,I never knew you could disrespect me,you want to step on your sisters shoes abhi?"

"Haba I didn't say anything wrong,I tried my best so you could get my point amma you didn't even listen to a word,if at least we did something wrong or said something that hurt you,you could have at least  called for us,so we could talk and understand things better but no,you just kept quiet,we are now adults Mum ,we know what is right and wrong,we can differentiate between the two,With the strength of a self-assured adult, we  now have the power to change the way we react to and interact with our  parents.

If we continue to interact with our family members with the psyche of a wounded child, we inadvertently engineer the situation so that we are treated like one. In contrast, we can be grounded in our reality as a self- sustained adult, break away from the negative communication cycle and start an adult-to-adult conversation.

Mummy as a child, we could not escape the family home, but as an adult we have the ability to speak up, walk away, minimise contact.

At first, doing so feels uncomfortable. Our  parents are likely to resist the change by criticizing or guilt-tripping us . But we can find a way to tell them we need to be treated with respect, and they can no longer influence important decisions in our life. More importantly, we need to believe in our ability to stand on our  own two feet.

Sometimes, when we interrupt the longstanding and dysfunctional cycle of communication, change inevitably happens within the family system.  Like when we start being assertive about what we can and cannot give, Mum at least  you  could have find a way to renegotiate boundaries with us, and to respect our basic rights.