AMAANI COMPLETE ✔️

'34

I feel Painful. Empty. Meaningless. Frightening.

You see, people don't realise this while they have a (more or less) working family, but when you have no-one to turn to and share your world with, all purpose from your life just vanishes in a puff of smoke. Everything you know about yourself is gone. You are faced with having to find the spirit within to make sense of your life, find courage, and give yourself direction. Worst of all, any mistake you make could mean you ending up on the icy streets, and this is a cold hard reality you have to face daily as you take action every day without guidance.

All the while, society keeps slapping you left and right, adding insult to injury, and using you as inspiration for those who are more fortunate than you. In the few times you are fortunate to be helped by kind people, it is usually with a personal agenda, and as brief as a leaf brushing against your arm in the wind. Then you are left with the all-so-familiar emptiness again. No-one really cares for you. Only you.

its lonely scary and loveless...you then turn into an adult and spend your whole life working hard to feel some sort of self worth you do and do and do for almost anybody that gives you a moment of their time hopeing to please them this goes for anybody your parents ,your friends your significant other you bend over backwards to be accepted and loved unconditionally but learn that unconditional love it in fact very rare...having people truely care for you is also very rare....you spend your time tending to others then feel that familair pang of loneliess when you need a mother to hug you look around and no ones there you begin to wonder is there really such a thing as love or is it more a convience thing your loved as long as your useful.

When it comes to forming your own family, relationships, social customs, life questions, you are in an alien world, desperately grasping at alien straws, hoping to learn something about them to build a small, working shelter — while others are helped by their families to build mansions and houses.

Through all this cruelty of life you persist by believing, against all odds, that you have a purpose, that there is meaning in your existence, and that there is someone watching over you and offering you a compassionate guiding hand -ALLAH.

Your heart aches every time life shows you what you've had to or will have to miss out on, and a little bit of your soul dies with every rejection.

That's what it feels like to be an orphan and that's who I am exactly because that's how I feel.

This love is unconditional and maybe its truly only between a parent and its offspring in which case I will never find the love I seek it will forever be conditonal upon things and my usefulness and if thats the case its a sad state and world to grow up in if love is so limited to a parent and its child ....perhaps the world would be a far better place if there were more orphans as I think we turn out to be people with the biggest hearts.

"You were never their when I suffered the beatings and unending insults from mama-you both were never their,all I wanted was for you two to be together ones again,so we could reunite as a loving family but all I get to do is cry my dreams out to the air and look lovingly at other families"

I always consider myself unlucky and a bad luck to you,an unwanted child from both parents-a mother who's selfish and a father who stopped his duty half way,a loving step mother who turned into a monster over night and a jealous sister who would do anything to get noticed,to seek the attention of the world and become more fame than ever but right on this journey  I got loved ones on my side Mami,Halima,Uncle Alee,Saszy,uncle bbj and ya maimuna....I got backs and I'm grateful they were their in every step I take.ALHAMDULILLAH.