- kinda sad content :/ - tw (anxiety, breakdown, body image) - cringe warning lol
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y/n's pov
i had been waking up with overwhelming anxiety for days now for no specific reasons. vinnie and i were supposed to go out tonight and i wasn't sure i was up for it. i got up and got ready anyways of course. after awhile of staring at the wall in front of my bed, i stood up and made my way to the closet.
getting ready consisted of putting clothes on and taking them off again 1,000,000 times. i had no idea what i wanted to wear because i felt uncomfortable and unattractive in everything. the more things i tried on, the closer i got to tears. i decided to say fuck it and put on something less revealing.
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and even in this i still felt lumpy in all the wrong places. i didn't understand why i couldn't just feel beautiful. it's not like i lacked verbal reassurance. he told me i was beautiful constantly. i always had this tense feeling in the back of my head that he'd see me one day and just not want me anymore.
i felt as though i needed to be perfect at all times when i was around him. out of fear of not being good enough. i knew how he felt about me, but anxiety always had me on my toes.
i felt semi better after putting on my makeup. i heard my front door open, knowing it was him. "hun?" "in here!" i called back. he walked into my bathroom and stood in the doorway as i applied my lipgloss. "hi there.." he smiled all dorky. i couldn't not smile when i looked at him. "you seem down.." he hugged me from behind, looking at our reflection in the mirror.
"i've been really really anxious lately.." i looked down. he moved my hair to one side and kissed my head. "tell that unhelpful voice in your head to shut the fuck up.." i chuckled weakly. "yeah...i wish that's how it worked.." "hey.." he turned me around to look at him. "we're gonna go out and we're gonna have a great time okay?" i nodded even though i knew there was no way i'd have a good time that day.
he kissed my head again. "you look beautiful by the way.." he pulled my hand and led me out of the house. i tried to calm my breathing as we drove. i bounced my leg up and down until his hand placed itself on my knee. his thumb rubbed back and forth. i resorted to biting my nails. once we parked i looked out the window.
