- horribly sad content :/ - TW (depression) - not like my other stuff feel free to skip - poetic again 🙄 - cringe warning lol - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
y/n's pov
"please.." my voice faded out, traveling through the phone. it felt as though i was choking on my own throat. why couldn't i breathe ? "i just need you to hold me.." my sobs finally escaped from the bottles i captured them in deep inside me. i felt the insides of me break all at once. i curled into a ball, holding my knees to my chest. i clutched the phone to my ear. "we're over y/n i don't know what to tell you."
how could he be so cold ? so heartless ? when i could've sworn when we were together he had to biggest soul. "tell me you'll come..tell me you'll come hold me.." i was too sad to be embarrassed. i was resorting to anything that could possibly get him to come back. "i'd be lying." i cried out in pain. "please don't.." i struggled to intake another gasp of oxygen.
"please don't be so empty to me.." he was silent on the other line. i cried out loudly, not even caring at that point. i clutched my shirt, above my heart, hugging my knees tighter.
"i have to go." his voice small.
"is that all ? is this all i am worth to you ? what's so important that you must do now ? i'm not even worth a phone call to you ?" my chest caved. "why are you making this so difficult ? hm ? i cant provide what you want me to provide. leave it alone." his words continued to break me down even more. i fell further and further into myself. is this real ?
"goodbye y/n. please stop calling."
call ended.
i choked in air, gasping. i screamed in physical pain. it physically hurt. i had no one to call. no one to help distract me from the thoughts collapsing my brain. every option i could think of my brain told me, they don't care about you. don't call them. so again, i was stuck. all alone. taking care of myself like always.
i wrapped my arms around my memory foam pillow, the one that felt life like. i'm so alone. all i asked of him was to hold me. was i so insignificant ? my best friend left me, he left me right after. i felt so empty, so desperate for care. it's so exhausting to keep getting up and cleaning the cycle of my dirty bedroom, and taking showers. what was it all for anyway ?
i just wanted to stay in the fetal position forever, and wait for my skin to decay. i'm so full of love, yet i continue to pour it into the wrong people. disappointment after disappointment is leaving me feeling so lifeless. it's a never ending cycle of pain and never lasting good times. will it always be like this ? how long will i be crying over this ? how long will i continue to let this hurt me ?
i stroked my own hair and wrapped my arm around my own waist. i'm not alone if i just close my eyes. tears slid down my red cheeks.
"i just need you to hold me."
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- i love you, i need you, im grateful for you, i see you. you mean something to someone i promise. dm me, comment, just rant if you need it. this is and always will be a safe space.
