My Only Star

☣ 22 ☣

I was at the taxi going to the hospital that Dew texted me. I don't feel any good at this moment I was like I am going to explode with nervousness. I don't know what I will expect I am relieve that they found Blue but I don't feel any good if he was alive or what. I don't think negatively but this is what my mind was telling me.

Finally I reach the hospital. I went out and call Dew. He answered at the first ring
''Hello Dew where are you? I'm already at the lobby.'' I saidand continue walking inside the hospital.
''We are infront of the emergency.''
''I hang up  the call and run to the emergency and there are all of them.

''Where is he?'' I asked them. They all looked at me. Duke stood up and walked up to me.
''His body is on the mortuary..''
''Wait,what? No way!'' I can feel the chill all over me when I heard Duke. I run inside the mortuary and I saw him lying in their covered with white blanket. I walked up slowly while gripping my fist. I slowly pulled the cover to see his face. I can't recognized his face it was all burned. I put back the cover and went outside..I still can't believe that it was Blue.

Dew approached me and tapped my back.
''G? You okay?''
''He is not Blue..I can feel it.'' I answered him without looking at him.
''What? But the people who found him had his ID on his pocket and his parents confirms already that it was Blue.'' Duke answered me.  I just looked at them and stay silent.

I walked out of the elevator and went straight to my unit when I walked pass the door of Blue's unit. I stopped and stared at his door when suddenly I remember the time when we first bumped into each other that day. I fell in love with him the moment I stared at him. I still remember that day..but I was so stupid that I ruin my chance to know him more by acting stupid in front of him and pushed through the wedding with Tin.

''I will still find you Blue..'' I muttered to myself and continue walking to my door. I take a shower and sit on my couch. Still thinking of Blue.

It was already afternoon when Brix called me that the cremation of Blue's body is tomorrow.  I let out out a sigh and went outside of my balcony to catch some air.
 
''G..are you okay?''

Brix approached me while I silently sit in the corner of the museum where they held a prayer for Blue. I can't still believe that I am here staring at the ash of the man that I love..I don't want to accept the fact that it was real and I'm not dreaming. I refused to cry,I refuse to feel anything that will make me weak..I was just here staring at his picture and the jar of his urn. I snap back out of my thoughts when I feel a gentle tap on my back.
Kent,Dew,and Duke seated on the empty chair beside me.  I wipe the tears that fell in my cheeks and look at them.

Duke put his arms at my back to comfort me when I didn't notice that my tears started to fall.
''Its okay man.'' Duke said while caressing my back. It all started to sink in to me that Blue is gone. I just refused to believed it but now I can feel all the pain of losing someone that I loved.

''I am so stupid to hurt him, if I didn't hurt his feelings and confess him what I really feel he will not leave. Its all my fault. I'm so stupid.''
''Don't blame yourself G,its an accident no one knows that its gonna happen.'' Kent said.
''They are not blaming you G, so stop blaming yourself.'' Duke answered.

I wipe my tears and composed myself.
''I want to go home now..I want to be alone.'' I stood up and bid my goodbye and they just nodded at me. I take a looked at Blue's smiling picture before I went out to my car.

I went to my moms house and went straight to my room with some bottles of beer.  I lock the door and started drinking. I didn't go home to my unit coz all I think is Blue that makes me miss him even more that I'm going to be crazy.
I chugged up the whole can of beer and open another one. I don't know how to deal this pain anymore..I want Blue..I miss him so much..I want to see him and to be with him.

I feel a gentle hands that caressing my face when I looked up I saw Blue smiling but I can see the sadness on his eyes. He pulled me into a hugged and I feel the warmth of his body.
''G,please always take care of yourself hmm..promise me you will not neglect yourself. I love you so much G. I will always wait for you. We will meet each other soon.''
''Blue don't leave me please. I'm so sorry that I hurt you I'm so sorry Blue. Please don't leave me.'' I was crying while I hugged him. He gently let go of me and gently pressed his lips unto mine. I slowly close my eyes and responded to his kisses.

''Just always remember G, I love you so much.'' He slowly fade out.

''Blue! Wait!'' I open my eyes and realizes that it was just a dream. I fell asleep on the floor last night with the bottles of beer all over the floor. I take a glimpse of the time on my wrist watch and its already 7:30 in the morning. When I heard a knocck on my door.

I get up on the floor and my headache kick in. I slump back on the floor and massage my head.

''G? Are you in there?'' Its Mom.
''Yes Ma. Wait.'' I stood up and went to my door and unlocked the door.
She suddenly back out and cover his nose.
''You drink all night? Are you okay?'' She asked me and she went inside my room. I followed her inside and slump back at my couch.

''Khun Phi..please come to G's room and clean his room.'' My mom said while talking to the intercom to our household helper.

''G,take a shower now,I'll cook something to cure your hang over. And please don't do this again. Blue will not be happy if he knows that you are doing this to yourself. hmm? Now et up and take a shower'' My mom said while crossing her arms around her chest and looking at me lying on the couch.
I don't say anything and just stood up to take a shower.

                                      

                                                                                                                      ☣☣☣